Understanding Toxic Men and Dealing With Them

Marcelina Hardy, MSEd, BCC
Lillian Glass PhD

In this interview, LoveToKnow had the opportunity to review the book, Toxic Men: 10 Ways to Identify, Deal with, and Heal from the Men Who Make Your Life Miserable by Dr. Lillian Glass, world-renowned body language and communication expert.

Understanding Toxic Men Interview

LoveToKnow (LTK): Who can benefit from the book, Toxic Men?

Lillian Glass (LG): It's not a book for only women, although it can help them identify types of men which may be specifically toxic to them. It can help any woman know what to look for when looking for or beginning a relationship. It will also help any woman who is presently involved in a toxic relationship. She does not necessarily have to walk away from it. She has 10 options. Finally, it can help a woman heal from a devastating relationship.

Men who have read this book say they applied the information to their relationships they had with a toxic woman. It is also helpful to men who will now know what women find toxic in a relationship.

Identifying Toxic Men

LTK: In this book, you discuss 11 types of toxic men. How long does it typically take a woman to figure out her man is toxic?

LG: Sometimes it can take a lifetime. That is why this book is so helpful. It helps women recognize red flags quickly.

LTK: Are there any certain types of women that are most susceptible to toxic men?

LG: Women who are fixers or caretakers often tend to be easy prey for toxic men. These are often teachers, mothers, homemakers, office assistants, and nurses. So are women who are in professions that help others change like psychologists and therapists.

LTK: How does a woman know she is dealing with a toxic man?

LG: She isn't happy. She doesn't feel good physically, mentally or, emotionally. A toxic man brings out the worst in her--not the best.

LTK: What are some of the signs a woman can look for when looking for love online?

LG: Look at the moniker or name the person chooses, it will often give you an idea of who he is, his interests and his intentions. Look for negativity, sarcasm, anger, and most of all, look for inconsistencies.

LTK: Is there any such thing as toxic women?

LG: Absolutely! You can apply almost everything in the book to women. There are similar types of women and the 10 options you have to handle them are identical. In fact, many men who have read this book felt that they could easily apply the information in the book towards toxic women they have encountered.

Toxic Men and Relationships

LTK: Is there any hope of staying in a relationship with a toxic man?

LG: Many variables go into whether you leave or stay in a relationship. While it is difficult if not impossible to change a person, you can change your perception and your own behavior, which can often bring about changes in the toxic man's behavior.

LTK: Can a man who a woman has dated for a long time all of sudden become toxic later in the relationship?

LG: Definitely! A man may be wonderful at the beginning of the relationship or at the beginning of a marriage. He may have been on his best behavior during this honeymoon phase in order to attract you. As pressures in life occur or as daily life changes, he may let his guard down and may show you personality traits or behaviors that are toxic to you. If a man continues with these behaviors that don't make you feel good about yourself, this may be who he has become -- toxic to you.

LTK: How can culture influence the way that some men behave in relationships?

LG: What is acceptable in one culture may be considered toxic by another culture, so make sure you understand all of the cultural expectations and morals before you get involved with a man from another background. If you end up living in another country, you may discover what was acceptable and agreed upon when you were in the West, is no longer acceptable in that country. There are certain cultures where women cannot speak freely in public or in private for that matter. That society may dictate that a husband's word is the final word and there is no compromise. In other cultures, if a woman wants a divorce, the man gets the children. Therefore, know what you are getting into beforehand so there will be no surprises.

LTK: How can a woman stop the cycle of dating toxic men?

Toxic Men

LG: Knowledge is power. Many women aren't even aware that they are dating a toxic man. The book has an exercise that shows you how to detect which type of man is specifically toxic to you. If you go back throughout your life, you will realize there are people who are very similar in personality who are extremely toxic to you. There is a pattern and when you understand the types of men who are toxic to you, that is the first step towards breaking the pattern.

LTK: What are some of the repercussions of dating a toxic man?

LG: Their toxicity can cause you to lose your finances, your self-esteem, and your mental, emotional and physical health. In certain cases, they can cause you to lose your freedom, and even your life.

Advice for Toxic Men Attractors

LTK: What is your advice for women who feel as though they are always finding the "bad boys"?

LG: No matter how deeply you love, how kind and sincere a person you are, understand there is nothing you can do to change a bad boy. If you enjoy the ups and downs of high drama, see it in a film or take an acting class. Don't live it out in real life. The consequences aren't worth it.

LoveToKnow would like to thank Dr. Lillian Glass for taking the time to participate in this understanding toxic men interview.

Understanding Toxic Men and Dealing With Them