The Secret Formula for Understanding Guys

Crystal Schwanke
couple standing face to face

The formula for understanding guys requires you to break through macho stereotypes and really get to know him. Each man is different just as each woman is different, so there's no perfect formula that will allow you to know what's going on in his mind. However, with a few tips, you'll be able to get to know him better and say and do the right things.

What It Takes to Understand Guys

Avoid Guy Stereotypes

Just as women don't want or deserve to be stereotyped, neither do men. Men can be introverts or extraverts, goal-oriented or wanderers, and so on. In order to get to know him-not as "a guy" but as an individual-ask him questions. Then sit back and let him do most of the talking. He'll return the favor later if he's interested in pursuing a relationship.

Know When He's Flirting

Sometimes it's hard to tell if a guy's flirting or just being friendly. Watch how he is with others-men and women-to gauge his natural personality against any attempts to be especially charming around you. Does he treat you differently from everyone else? Does he preen in your presence and make lots of eye contact? He may be working up the courage to ask you out. Give him subtle encouragement if you think he needs it.

Let Him Express Himself

Stereotypes of how men "should" act can make some men uncomfortable expressing their emotions. Give him the reassurance he needs to know that it's okay to express what he's feeling and that he doesn't always have to keep up the tough guy act-if he has one--when you're alone together. There won't be much mind-reading or "understanding" necessary as long as you give him the opportunity to feel comfortable expressing his thoughts and feelings with you.

Allow Him to Feel Like a Man

Though men and women are more alike than some members of either gender would care to admit, many men still want to be the providers. Even when a man knows his significant other is completely capable of solving problems or taking care of herself, he likes to be a hero sometimes. When a chance arises to let him look like he saved the day-with a repair in your apartment, for example-step back and let him do it.

Touch Him

Touch is important to most men. Give him an impromptu shoulder rub or kiss. Sometimes that's all it takes to brighten his mood and get him talking. Understand that for many men, touch is a language all on its own and simply touching his arm during a conversation can say a lot.

Show Him

Sometimes men aren't sure what you expect from them. Understand that sometimes men make the wrong choices and do the wrong things because they're not sure what your stance is, not because they don't care about your feelings or want to hurt you. Clue them in to the things you would appreciate. Many men truly want to please their partners but just don't always know how to do so.

Give Him Space

Of course you want to spend time with your guy, but if you don't allow him to explore hobbies and spend time with his friends, it will be a death sentence for your relationship.

Compliment Him

Men like compliments, too! If you admire the way he handled a situation, let him know. If you like his shirt choice, tell him. If you make him feel good about himself, he'll want you around more. Just be sure your compliments are sincere. When you say sweet things to your boyfriend, husband, or even your crush, you're strengthening your bond and letting him know he's appreciated.

Have Other Interests

Many men enjoy the thrill of the chase. That doesn't mean that as soon as he's caught you, he'll get bored. However, making your life revolve around him will turn him off. Show off your confidence and make sure that you have a life outside of your relationship in order to keep him interested. As a bonus, maintaining friendships and interests outside the relationship will ensure that you stay well-rounded and intriguing, and you'll feel better about yourself. You'll also have much more to talk about with your guy when you get together again.

The Biggest Secret About Guys

So what's the big secret? Don't get caught up in the differences between males and female minds because they're more similar than you might think. The formula for understanding guys is the same as the formula for understanding anyone-communicate, ask questions, show your interest in him, use touch as a communication method, and give him space when he needs it. Sure, there are times when he just wants to feel like a man, fixing things and providing for his significant other. Just step back to allow him to express his feelings through actions and words. A lot less intuitive understanding is required when you've opened the roads to open communication.

The Secret Formula for Understanding Guys