It can be incredibly stressful to suspect that someone isn't being honest with you. Although there are ways to figure out whether someone is on dating sites, there are also alternative solutions that may work for you as well.
Figuring Out if Someone Is on a Dating Site
If you'd like to explore if someone is seeking out other partners on dating sites, there are a few ways to go about it. Be mindful that whether or not they are on a dating site, it's important that you think about their privacy and whether you're comfortable breaching it. You may learn that they aren't on dating sites and there is always a risk that they catch you seeking out this information without their knowledge. Regardless of what decision you end up making, be very thoughtful in thinking about the many potential outcomes that may manifest due to your actions.
Check Browser History
Your browser history is very personal and some may not be in the habit of clearing their history. To search browser history:
- Open up the internet browser.
- Search for "history" under the search tab if you don't see it readily accessible.
- Once you click on "history", you should be able to view their recent activities.
- Look out for popular dating website names or apps such as Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, Match, OkCupid, Bumble, and Zoosk.
- You can also search for the "recycle bin" to see if there are recently deleted history searches in there.
If you choose to go this route, think about how you'll feel if you find something or find nothing. It's always best to be as emotionally prepared as you possibly can. Also consider whether you'd tell someone about looking through their history and how that may impact your relationship.
Check For Dating Apps
If someone leaves their phone out and you know their password, or it isn't password protected, you can do a quick search for dating apps. To do so, scroll through their home screens to see if any apps are currently there and if so, if they are setup. To search for hidden apps:
- On an Apple device, open up the app store, click on "purchased" or "downloaded" to see what was or is being used, even if it's not on their screen.
- On an Apple device, apps may be hidden in folders as well. Check the "files" or "pages" apps which come standard on Apple devices for hidden apps as well.
- On an Android device, open up "settings", click "application manager", check for apps that have "disable" toggled on.
Tools for Finding Dating Profiles
There are plenty of websites out there promising to find out if someone is cheating on you. You can use these tools if you don't have direct access to someone's phone or computer. While some of these tools may work, be wary of paying fees.
- Spokeo is a free service where you can type in someone's username, email, or full name to see if they've created dating profiles on various websites.
- Profilesearcher is a free service, but you must create an account and agree to their terms before searching for your partner on dating sites.
- Create your own fake account on sites that you think your partner may use and try to find them.
Understanding Your Own Triggers With Dishonesty and Trust
Better connecting to yourself and your motivation for seeking out this information can help you view your relationship with a more neutral perspective. Relationships and emotions become so entangled, that it can be challenging to know how much of our thoughts are influenced by our emotional take. You'll know that dishonesty is a trigger for you if:
- Trust was often broken in your childhood home or you often felt on your own growing up
- You seem drawn to untrustworthy people in terms of friendships and partners
- You feel as if no one is truly trustworthy
- You have a core belief that the only person you can wholeheartedly trust is yourself
- You often feel let down or disappointed by others
If you feel that some or all of these statements describe you, you may have a difficult time deciphering whether your current partner is trustworthy, or if your core beliefs are influencing your interpretation of your partner's behaviors. This is completely normal. Everyone has their own unique lens, or way of viewing information, that is heavily influenced by one's upbringing and the lessons that were internalized during childhood.
What Untrustworthy Behavior Looks Like
- Excessive privacy: constantly checking their phone or laptop and refusing to share who they are talking to
- Becoming defensive when you ask them general or neutral questions about their whereabouts
- Hiding and stashing information and their belongings
Your gut may send off sirens when you talk with your partner. More often than not, the gut instinct is usually correct. If possible, speak with your partner about your concerns. Note that in healthy relationships difficult conversations are not avoided. Concerns that come up are processed and worked through together with a team mentality. At times, this may result in the relationship ending, but it can also lead to a stronger, more connected relationship.
Making the Healthiest Choice
Whether you decide to search through someone's personal items is completely up to you. But, before doing so, think about how this may impact your relationship, what your core motivations are, and if there are alternative ways of finding out this information that won't potentially impact the trust that you do have. Always think about how your actions will impact you emotionally so you can best prepare for the information you may or may not learn about.