Are you bored in the bedroom? Have you forgotten what it's like to have a good sex life? In this exclusive LoveToKnow interview, meet the authors of The 30-Day Sex Solution: How to Build Intimacy, Enhance Your Sex Life and Strengthen Your Relationship in One Month's Time.
Interview with Victoria Zrdok Wilson JD, Ph.D. and John Wilson MFT
The Need to Improve Your Sex Life
LoveToKnow (LTK): What are some signs that a couple needs to revamp their sex life?
Dr. Victoria Wilson and John Wilson MFT (VW-JW): Going through long "dry spells."
- Three weeks at a time with no sex
- Getting stuck in a stagnant sexual script (same position, place and time)
- Preferring to watch TV side by side than having intimacy
- "Having a headache" when your partner approaches you, partner staying up late watching Internet porn.
LTK: Why do couples seem to enter a dry spell or a boring sexual relationship?
VW-JW: Our brain habituates to sexual sameness to the point where couples no longer find it exciting. Once a couple adopts a sexual script (same place, time, and position) their sex drive often suffers. Novelty is the spice of sex!
LTK: What are the repercussions of an unsatisfying sex life?
VW-JW: Sex is immensely revitalizing, it is incredibly beneficial for our physical and mental health - it reduces stress, increases immunity, elevates our mood, jump starts our metabolism. Orgasm leads to an oxytocin release, which produces warm fuzzy people and has been implicated in forgiveness. So couples tend to make up quicker and forget their quarrels when sex life is good. When sex life is not satisfying, it often affects a couple's overall relationship - they feel more stressed, distant and irritated at each other.
Factors for a Great Sexual Relationship
LTK: You point out that Priority, Intimacy, Novelty, Naughtiness and Loftiness are factors needed to have a great sexual relationship - why?
VW-JW: Prioritizing sex will affirm your commitment to your relationship. Intimacy is a crucial component of passion; it is about a mental connection. Along with intimacy, novelty is the most crucial factor because without it monogamy turns into monotony. The naughtiness is optional as it puts an extra zing in your passion. Finally, loftiness elevates sex to a spiritual quest and brings about unexpected heights of ecstasy.
LTK: Why do couples who never had these factors in their relationship before yet had a good sex life all of a sudden need these factors to have one?
VW-JW: When two people first meet and feel attracted to each other, they are in the state of lust or limerence as psychologists call it. In this state sex is great, it feels effortless as our brain pumps out dopamine and adrenaline - we feel high falling in love. But limerence inevitably wears off by 36 months, often earlier, and then sex is no longer as exciting. It now requires effort. Our program is designed to bring back some of those lost limerent feelings.
The Process of a Better Sex Life
LTK: Why does it take 30 days? Could it take some couples less or more time?
VW-JW: A month is a good measuring stick for most couples and short term behavioral interventions need at least a month to effectuate change. But couples could certainly attempt to do it sooner if they have the time to do the exercises, and many will take longer due to time constraints.
LTK: Do couples introduce all of the factors at one time or do they start with one and then move on to the next one?
VW-JW: We introduce one factor at a time and then add other factors, building on the previous concept and incorporating it into the next.
The Book: 30 Day Sex Solution
LTK: Can people really enhance their sex life by reading a book?
VW-JW: Absolutely! In fact, it's impossible not to enhance your sex life if you get through our program. Not only is it comprehensive in sexual education, the book enables the couple to turn sex from a genital interaction into full mind-body experience.
LTK: What are some tips that people may try before buying your book to understand how the additional teachings in your book can benefit them?
VW-JW: Try our sexual wish basket where each partner writes down things he or she wants to try on a piece of paper and puts them in a wish basket. Then take turns drawing from the sexual wish basket every night. Mark on your calendar surprise nights when you can take turns surprising your partner with something new such as making her an erotic dinner or giving him a sensual massage.
LTK: How does someone bring up this book and its teachings so the partner doesn't become offended?
VW-JW: Make improving sex life a fun game. Suggest to your partner to turn improving your sex life into a hobby.
Final Tip From the Authors
Our book will turn you into sexual explorers as you learn to merge your body, minds and souls.