100 Questions You Should Ask Before Marriage

Marcelina Hardy, MSEd, BCC
Contributor: Gabrielle Applebury
Couple talking at dinner

Marriage is a big step in a relationship. It signifies the commitment and love you have for someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. While having the strong feelings of love toward someone is essential to getting married, there are other important factors to consider before walking down the aisle. Ask the following questions to help you determine if he is the one for you forever.

Questions About Marriage and Children

Couple hanging out at playground

Questions to ask your fiance about children before marriage include:

  • How many kids do you want?
  • What values do you want to install in your children?
  • How do you want to discipline your kids?
  • What would you do if one of your children said he was homosexual?
  • What if our children didn't want to go to college?
  • How much say do children have in a family?
  • How comfortable are you around children?
  • Would you be opposed to having our parents watch the children so we can spend time alone together?
  • Would you put your children in private or public school?
  • What are your thoughts on home schooling?
  • Would you be willing to adopt if we couldn't have kids?
  • Would you be willing to seek medical treatment if we couldn't have kids naturally?
  • Do you believe it's OK to discipline your child in public?
  • How do you feel about paying for your kid's college education?
  • How far apart do you want kids?
  • Would you want someone to stay home with the kids or use day care?
  • How would you feel if our kids wanted to join the military rather than go to college?
  • How involved do you want grandparents to be in our parenting?
  • How will we handle parental decisions?

Dealing With Conflict

Make sure you're going to have a healthy relationship by dealing with these pre-marriage questions.

  • Would you be willing to go to marriage counseling if we were having marital problems?
  • If there is a disagreement between me and your family, whose side do you choose?
  • How do you handle disagreements?
  • Would you ever consider divorce?
  • Would you rather discuss issues as they arise or wait until you have a few problems?
  • How would you communicate you aren't satisfied sexually?
  • What is the best way to handle disagreements in a marriage?
  • How can I be better at communicating with you?

Moral, Political, Religious, Family Values, and Beliefs

Happy couple at voter polling place

Just a few questions to ask a fiance before you get serious about marriage include:

  • What are your views on infidelity?
  • What are your religious views on marriage?
  • What's more important, work or family?
  • What are your political views?
  • What are your views on birth control?
  • Would you rather be rich and miserable or poor and happy?
  • Who will make the biggest decisions of the household?
  • What would you do if someone said something bad about me?
  • Would you follow the advice of your family before your spouse?
  • What do you believe the role of a wife is?
  • Who should do household chores?
  • What do you believe the role of a husband is?

Handling Finances

Money, debt, and finances are important things to talk about before marriage.

  • How do you feel about debt?
  • Would you share all money with your spouse or split the money into different accounts?
  • What are your views on saving money?
  • What are your views on spending money?
  • What if we both want something but can't afford both?
  • How well do you budget?
  • Do you feel it is important to save for retirement?
  • Would you be willing to get a second job if we had financial problems?
  • Do you have any debt?
  • What if a family member wants to borrow a large sum of money?
  • Who will take care of the financial matters of the household?

Entertainment

Happy couple in Paris, France

Don't forget to have fun. Find out what your future spouse thinks by including some entertainment and lifestyle points in your list of 100 questions for couples.

  • Do you enjoy traveling?
  • How often would you like to travel?
  • Where would you like to travel?
  • How important is spending time alone to you?
  • How would you feel about me going on a trip with the girls (boys) for a couple of weeks?
  • How important is spending time with friends to you?
  • What would be the perfect weekday evening to you?
  • What would we do if we both had a break from work, but each of us had different ideas on how to spend it?

Extended Family

Include some family and relation inquiries among the 100 questions to ask your partner.

  • How often would you want to visit your family?
  • How often will your family visit us?
  • How often would you want my family to visit?
  • How often would you want to visit my family?
  • Do you have a family history of diseases or genetic abnormalities?
  • What if one of your family members said he disliked me?
  • How would you handle holiday family visits?
  • If your parents became ill, would you take them in?
  • If my parents became ill, would you mind taking them in?

Medical Information

Family and personal medical information are questions you should ask your future husband or wife.

  • Does anyone in your family suffer from alcoholism?
  • What is your medical family history?
  • Would you be opposed to mental health treatment?
  • If I had to change my diet because of medical concerns, would you be willing to change yours?
  • Are you willing to exercise with me to improve our health?
  • Where do you want to live?
  • Would you mind moving if I had to relocate with my job?

About the Relationship and Marriage

100 topics to talk about might be a lot, but you can learn a lot from 100 questions -- including what your future partner thinks about marriage and relationships.

  • What would you do if we fell out of love?
  • What are your career aspirations?
  • What would you like to be doing five or ten years from now?
  • What do you think is the best way to keep the love alive in a marriage?
  • How do you think life will change if we got married?
  • What is the best thing about marriage?
  • What is the worst thing about marriage?
  • What is your idea of the best weekend?
  • How important are wedding anniversaries to you?
  • How would you like to spend special days?
  • What kind of grandparent do you want to be someday?
  • What type of house do you want to live in?
  • What is your biggest fear about marriage?
  • What excites you about getting married?
  • What do wedding rings mean to you?
  • Are you afraid to talk to me about anything?
  • What do you think would improve our relationship?
  • What would be one thing you would change about our relationship?
  • Do you have any doubts about the future of our relationship?
  • Do you believe love can pull you through anything?
  • Is there anything you don't trust about me?

Miscellaneous Things to Discuss Before Marriage

Happy couple on couch with dog

While you might have 1,001 questions to ask before you get married, consider throwing in some random questions like:

  • Which would you choose - dishes or laundry?
  • Do you like pets?
  • How many pets do you want?
  • What to do you want to do during retirement?
  • At what age would you like to retire?

Getting to Know Your Partner

Before getting married, be sure that you and your partner are comfortable with your individual and shared goals. Get to know what your partner thinks by checking out:

Don't Ask Your Questions All at Once

Thoughtful questions deserve thoughtful replies which aren't necessarily going to come instantly. If you and your partner are seriously considering marriage, set aside some time to have these conversations before marriage so you can be sure of what you both think and feel. Even if you have 101 questions to ask before you get engaged, this will give you plenty of opportunities to gauge whether marriage should be the next step in your relationship.

100 Questions You Should Ask Before Marriage