If your online dating experience hasn't been great, it's time to rework your approach. Make the most of online dating sites and apps by understanding how women think and perceive information.
Start With a Specialized Site
To start, "You need to know who you are looking for." says Dr. Barbara R. Grossman, marriage and family counselor. As an author and marriage expert, Dr. Grossman focuses on ways to make relationships stable and exciting. She suggests online dating success starts with choosing the right website or app for your personality and desires.
- The type of relationship you are looking for dictates which site to use. Do you want a fling or a life partner?
- If factors like ethnicity and religious beliefs are important to you, look for sites inclusive of only that type of person.
- Focus your efforts on one site or app that best suits you rather than trying them all out at once.
Set Time Limits for Conversations
Women appreciate in-depth conversations, but save those for in-person meetings so it will be more conversational. Set limits in your own mind for how long to keep online chats going and try to keep each message short and honest. If you move onto phone conversations, keep those limited too so you save some new information and deeper probing for real dates. By keeping these conversations shorter you can easily screen for basic interests and personality without sharing every detail of your lives. If these conversations go well, then you can meet in person and have deeper conversations.
Keep Your Shirt On
Profile pictures are important because they show what you look like and what you are about. You want to present a good version of yourself in a photo where you are dressed nice and look happy. Although some women will appreciate shirtless photos, it sends the message that you are either narcissistic, only after a physical relationship, or both. If you're not sure what your photos are saying, ask a trusted female friend or family member for their take on it.
Share Your Heart
If you're looking for substantial and long-term relationships, you need to know what women are looking for. On many occasions women want a partner who is stable, responsible, and kind. While women love masculine men, they also want someone who can be emotional at the right times. Dr Grossman mentions you shouldn't "just talk about your business." Instead, talk about what motivates and inspires you to show who you are at the core.
Unless you're looking for a woman who likes to live on the edge, Dr. Grossman recommends avoiding any edgy language or photos. Most women won't be turned on by wild, risque, and borderline offensive pickup lines or chat messages. While you do want to show off your personality, you also want to show your ability to treat a woman with respect and provide a stable relationship.
Look Beyond Physical Attraction
Dr. Grossman often tells her clients "a person who is a ten on an attractiveness scale is probably not an ideal choice." It's not always the case, but often people who are very attractive focus too much on themselves and don't make ideal mates. Stick with dating sevens or eights in the physical appearance department as they won't be spoiled by the attention extreme beauty brings and will typically have better character. While chemistry is important, lasting relationships go far beyond physical attraction.
Present Your Best Self
Everyone has good days and bad days, but online interactions give you the chance to act like every one takes place on a good day. Be honest about who you are and your intentions, but start with your best foot forward to give a good impression of what a happy you looks like.