When Should I Call After a First Date?

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Are you wondering when should I call after a first date? Let the answer from our dating coach help you decide.

When Should I Call After a First Date?

Reader Question

Dear Lori, So I met this girl last weekend, she gave me her number, and I said I would call her. I called her about three days later and left a message. She called me right back and we arranged a first date. Therefore, I took her out to eat at a decent place and things went good. Anyways, at the end of the night I said that maybe we could get together again sometime, she agreed. Then she gave me some additional contact info, such as facebook, MSN, etc. That was it; we both went out separate ways. When I got home, I added her in to facebook, MSN, etc and sent her a message with my contact info. After that, I waited a day and text'd her asking her how her day was. She responded right back, said good and she was at work. I asked her to call if she gets a chance. Later that night I got a text saying she is not looking to date right now and she just got out of a hard relationship. Did I come on too strong? I am thinking I may have. I think I really like this girl and don't want to blow it, should I wait awhile and ask her out again? -- Contributed by: Anonymous

Expert Reply

Dear Anonymous,

I would agree that you came on too strong as much as you became attached too quickly. By going home immediately after a first date and adding this girl to Facebook, MSN etc., you appeared to have gotten too serious too soon. Relationships take time to build and your excitement about this girl made her feel uncomfortable. Your waiting to call her was an appropriate length of time. However, sending her a message that night, text messaging her at work and asking her to call you if she gets a chance were all attempts at communicating with her. The amount, and when you communicated were inappropriate lengths of time to contact her.

Your behavior took a single date from 'just getting to know you' and moved it to 'friends' before determining if the girl was feeling the same way about you. I do think you may have blown it with this girl. However, to redeem yourself and get a second try, I would suggest you wait about a month before trying to contact her. This will dim her memory of what was bad about you while keeping in mind what she liked about you. Once you do make contact, take it real s-l-o-w. Talk with her on the phone or online a few times. Keep things light and fun; don't talk about coming on too soon or too strong. Don't apologize.

If she positively responds to your communication, she is letting you know she is open to perhaps reconsidering you as a date. After a couple of positive communications, ask her out. Show her a fun time. If the date goes well, wait a day and then call or text her to let her know you had a good time (nothing more). If she responds positively, let her know you would like to get together again sometime and then stop. If she agrees, give her a couple of days before asking her out again. Have no communication in-between; then if the second date goes well, follow the procedure above.

It is important when dating that you don't come across as clingy. Girls like a guy who is confident and a little arrogant. A little arrogance gives the impression of a guy who is self-assured. Self-assured guys get second dates.


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When Should I Call After a First Date?