Helpful Insights on Relationship Trust Issues

Marcelina Hardy, MSEd, BCC
Couple dealing with trust issues

If you are having trust issues in relationships, you may need to take a step back to examine why you have them and what you are going to do about it. Trust is essential in healthy relationships. If you don't have it, you won't feel satisfied with anyone you date.

Trust Issues in Relationships: The Root and Solution

People have issues with trust in their relationships for many different reasons. Some people were victims of infidelity. Others experienced rejection after falling in love. Some never really learned how to trust anyone. No matter what your reasons are for not being able to trust someone, it is important to discover how it affects your relationships.

Why Not Trusting Is Bad for Your Love Life

When you fail to completely trust someone, you don't open up to them. You may keep things private and fear that the person will either hurt or leave you at a moment's notice. With this type of insecurity, it is difficult to be comfortable or feel truly happy. You may even wonder why you haven't found "the one." You might believe you haven't found the right person, but the problems in your relationships could actually lie with you.Take a moment to imagine being in a relationship and not worrying at all about the other person leaving or hurting you. It feels good, doesn't it? Is there still a part of you that gets nervous? Is it almost as if you just can't allow yourself to completely let go? This internal struggle to let your guard down may mean that you need to start small and build up to a point where you feel comfortable trusting another.

Solutions for Trust Issues

Trust is damaged easily and quickly, and repairing it take time and effort. Be kind and patient with yourself when you embark on the journey of repairing your trust issues. It may take many tries before you are finally able to succeed in breaking through your guard, but the effort is worthwhile. With time and work you will finally be able to understand what it means to be in a trusting and loving relationship. When learning how to trust, keep the following in mind:

  • Trust is earned, not deserved. When you meet someone, it's okay if you don't trust them right away. It takes time to get to that level. Spend time with the person. If he or she has not done anything to betray your trust, then begin sharing more personal information that you might not normally tell people. As you provide more information and see that you are safe, you'll feel more confident divulging more.
  • Everyone makes mistakes, and forgiveness is optional. When someone makes a mistake by betraying your trust, it is up to you to decide whether or not you can forgive them. You may never forget what happened, but you can forgive. Forgiving means that you don't hold onto negative feelings about the betrayal, and you can go back to trusting the other person. If you can't trust someone after what he/she did, then it's time to move on.
  • People don't need to be punished for someone else's wrong-doings. Just because one person hurt you doesn't mean others will, so don't treat them as if they have. When you move on to the next person, start with a clean slate and relate to them as if you'd never been hurt before.
  • Learn to trust with "safe" people first. If it's too much to start learning to trust with potential romantic partners, you might want to start with your friends. Many people who are unable to trust their significant others also feel they can't trust their friends. Work on your trust levels with your friends and then work on your love life.

Fighting Discouragement When Working on Trust

Don't be too hard on yourself if you feel discouraged while you are working on your trust issues in relationships. It's normal to wonder if your partner deserves your trust. What's not normal is to close yourself off from them because of it. Your body has a natural defense that protects you from perceived threats. Appreciate the fact that you are aware of these alarms, but disregard them if you don't have proof that your partner is being unfaithful.

Helpful Insights on Relationship Trust Issues