Do you need some tips to become an attractive man? Can you relate to this reader, who has trouble finding dates? Then read this response from our Ask the Dating Coach.
Great Tips to Become an Attractive Man
Hello, I am a 54 year old divorced man, and really need your help. I have been divorced for 11 years. In that time period have been looking to find a lady to date and eventually marry. I tried the Internet, only to get rejected hundreds of times (really). The women won't answer my e-mails, or they say we would not be a good match. None of the blind dates arranged by friends work out...rejected again...Many times I have attempted to converse with women I did not know, only to have them either walk away, turn away and ignore me, or give me a nasty look. I am a friendly guy, good sense of humor, well groomed, and many say I have a good personality. The female friends I have say they can't believe all the rejections I get. They say there is nothing wrong with my physical appearance, but I think that is the problem. Maybe they are not being honest with me. I have read many articles on dating, and numerous tips on attracting women. Nothing works for me. I think after 11 years of this, there is probably no hope. What do you think? ~~Thanks, Anthony
I commend you are your determination and persistence to meet and talk with women. This would not be easy to do after getting as many rejections as you say you have. You say in your question that you think the reason for the large number of rejections has to do with your appearance. In my experience as a dating coach, looks are never solely the reason men get rejected. There is an art to flirting with women and you'll have less than 30 seconds to convey a positive first impression. This is not as hard to do as you might expect. As a general rule, a woman will find a man more attractive if she finds him appealing. To understand appealing, compare Tom Hanks to Tom Cruise. On a descending scale, women rank humor as number one, followed by sincerity, thoughtfulness, the way he dresses and being a good conversationalist as the top five attributes to being appealing.
To understand what makes a man appealing to a woman, consider there are three facets involved in making a positive first impression. The first is body language, the second is tone of voice and the third is the words he uses. When you approach a woman, she is reading your nonverbal communication. Your body language makes up 55 percent of the communication you are sending in that first impression. If you think that your appearance is sending a negative impression, consider a visit to a salon and invest in a quality hair cut that brings out your best facial features. Another consideration to positive body language is body space. If during that initial meeting, you are standing too close to a woman, she will get a very negative vibe and be turned off to further conversing.
Making a positive first impression, can make the difference between a "yes, I'd like to go out with you," and "ewww! No thank you!" Here are five tips to become an attractive man.
1. Your eyes and smile - Women are more receptive to a smile. Many women feel that when a man smiles at her and says "hi" he is more appealing. Age discolors teeth; you can try using over the counter whitening strips or if the discoloration is significant, talk with your dentist. Since smiling is the gateway to an introduction, spend time making it inviting.
2. A man who cares about his appearance, this means clean shoes, clean fingernail (nails that are not too long or too short), and fresh breath. Women place MORE importance on clothing and shoes than men often realize. So if clothing is not a strong suit, then a visit to a nice department store. Working with a salesperson to help you pick out clothing that flatters your shape is worth the time and investment.
3. Be a man who is sure of himself. You do this by coming across as a man who is confident and isn't clingy. To accomplish this, balance talking about yourself with asking about her. Be a good listener. Don't be afraid to plan things, or make suggestions on the wine to drink. A woman likes a man who can be decisive and still ask for her opinion.
4. Demonstrate your youthfulness by being a man who is full of life. Show that you have energy and are not dull or boring. What activities do you do? Talk about what you like to do, the places you have recently traveled to and the good times you've had. Be someone who is interesting to be with.
5. A woman likes a man with just a little arrogance and cockiness. In general, women tend to equate it with confidence. Just don't overdue it!