If you are going on a second date, clearly your first date was a success. Congratulations! Now that much of the initial nervousness has passed, you are free to relax a bit and really get to know your date.
About the Second Date
The first date is great for breaking the ice and gauging initial attraction, but the second date serves a whole other purpose. While a follow-up date doesn't equal a commitment, it does say a few things:
- You are at least slightly attracted to your date.
- You felt some level of compatibility.
- Your date felt the same about you.
Now that you have established that a spark exists, you are able to move forward and decide where to go from here. Your second date will help to explore things a bit more deeply. You'll be able to question that spark - did it continue to thrive on a second meeting? During your second date, you will also be better able to tell if she is looking for a relationship or a fling. More importantly, you'll be able to determine whether she is someone you would want a relationship with.
Second Date Conversation
Since you've already had one ice-breaker date, and probably a few phone conversations, you will likely feel much more at ease on your subsequent date. Conversation generally feels more natural and less forced. This is a good time to follow-up on things that were mentioned during the first date. Feel free to chat about:
- A problem at work or a situation with a family member, as long as it is kept fairly light in terms of intensity or was previously mentioned on your first date.
- Hot topics such as politics, as long as you do so respectfully, especially if it is an important subject to you.
- Your favorite hobbies, or pastimes that are important to you.
- Charities that you are involved in.
- Where you see your career going.
- Your dream vacation.
- Your family goals.
- Your favorite books and movies.
- Relationships that are important to you.
- Where you'd like to live and why.
Second Date Boundaries
It's also a good idea to open up a bit more during the second date. If this is to become a relationship, he must be interested in hearing about you. Still, you'll want to avoid deep, intense conversation. The second date is not the time for soul-baring analysis of your childhood or your past abusive relationships. If this does, in fact, progress, there will be plenty of time for mutual psychoanalysis later!
Early on, it is always tempting to pull out all the stops and plan elaborate, expensive dates. This is not advisable because formal dates tend to make one or both parties uncomfortable. To get the most out of your early dates, keep them light and fun. Give both parties the chance to relax and shine. Save the formal dress and fancy restaurants for your anniversary or Valentine's Day!
What to Do on a Second Date
As you plan your upcoming date, think about your first date and your telephone calls. Did the two of you discuss any mutual hobbies? If so, this would be a great time to indulge them. For example, if you share a love of fine art, consider a visit to a local art gallery. If you are both avid inline skaters, why not plan a day of skating and picnicking in the park? This will give both of you the chance to relax on familiar turf and show your true self. Other fun, low-intensity date ideas include:
- Bowling or other sport
The question of physical intimacy is always important in the early days of dating. During this date, feel free to be a bit more physical if you like your date and enjoy his company. Small acts of intimacy are important in the relationship-building stage. Touch his arm as you are talking to him. Make lots of eye contact. A kiss at this stage is definitely appropriate if you feel comfortable doing so. The only caveat here is that you should avoid any kind of intimacy if you have decided you do not like him. In this case, honesty is best. No one likes to be led on.
Appropriate Second Date Etiquette
Second dates can solidify the attraction that you both may have felt during your first date. To have a successful second date:
- Be on time, or notify your date if you will be late.
- Offer to pay or split the cost of the date.
- Say "thank you" if your date picks up the check.
- Schedule the third date at the end of the night.
- Increase your flirting if you feel comfortable doing so.
- Let your date know that you had fun and enjoy spending time with them or getting to know them.
- Be yourself and let your date get to know the real you.
Second dates create a great opportunity to get to know each other a bit better. Spend time following up on questions or remarks that were said on the first date and enjoy spending time together.