Tips on Writing Rude-but-Witty Valentine Poems

Heather Long
Woman doesn't appreciate boyfriend's rude poem

Rude Valentine's poems may seem counterintuitive to the holiday spirit of love, romance and affection that surrounds Valentine's Day, but for couples who are not into schmaltz, the rude poem may just be the way to go. Learn how to use alliteration, word play and humor to make a rude, witty Valentine's poem of your own.

Sending Rude Valentine's Poems

Two things to remember when it comes to writing your significant other rude Valentine's poems: be sure they share your sense of humor and avoid being so crude that you run the risk of insulting rather than amusing them. That being said, you can also get some advice on writing poetry from the Freelance Writing channel at LoveToKnow.

Tips for Writing Rude Poems

  • Alliteration Alleviates All

Writing a rude poem begins by understanding the audience. Are you writing to make them laugh? Are you using rudeness to cover up a discomfort with being emotional? Do you just find being rude funny? It's okay if the answers to any of those questions are yes. The easiest rude poems to write use alliteration. The first letter of every word begins with the same letter, for example, do you want to write something rude to Veronica?

Veronica virtually virginal

Vacillates vacations vacuously

Vivacious Valkyrie

It's a little simplistic, but it's definitely rude. So, you can get creative with alliteration.

  • Language, Language, Language

Bad language and insults are often the root of rude poetry. Unfortunately, it's funny for many people to use the nastier connotations of the English language with which to amuse themselves. On the other hand, being rude doesn't mean you have to be nasty. Blondes, for example, get a bad rap in most jokes. So, if you want to use blonde language in your poetry, you might write to a girlfriend (or boyfriend for that matter):

Beautiful blonde, brilliant and fair

Lovely eyes and mouth in front of all the air

Breathe deep my love and pussy cat

Breathe deep so your head does not go flat.

Definitely rude and definitely loving, but if she doesn't appreciate your sense of humor, don't expect her to appreciate it too much.

  • Saying No

The last type of rude poem is the kind that lets you turn other people down. After all, not everyone wants to be pursued and not everyone is interested in everyone else. Perhaps you've received date offers or other offers from these guys or girls and while you've said no, they just aren't getting the message? A rude Valentine might jab the message home but be careful not to jab too hard or too painfully.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

You didn't hear what I said

I don't want to go out with you.

This is simple, effective and a little rude.

More Valentine's Day Poems

Want to learn more about Valentine Poetry writing or poetry writing in general? Check out these sources:

Tips on Writing Rude-but-Witty Valentine Poems