The Scoop on Why Real Love Is So Hard to Find

Contributor: Tamsen Butler
Woman looking sadly at a painted heart

Are you one of the many people that believe real love is so hard to find? Depending on what your idea of real love is, it may indeed be difficult to attain. The way that you form relationships may determine if real love is in your future.

Why Is Love So Hard to Find?

Love is not a tangible object, so it isn't something that we can actually grab on to. It is a feeling that occurs when two people believe that they want to be together and share intimacy. This rarely happens instantly, even though individuals may say that they knew they loved each other the minute their eyes met. Real love is something that happens slowly and lasts for a long period of time, perhaps even for life.

No Perfect Love

Finding a lasting relationship can be difficult, especially if you have an idea of the perfect partner in mind. It will be hard for others to measure up to your ideal since everyone has faults. Even if you do find someone that measures up to your ideal, your partner may decide that you don't measure up to his or her own. When this happens, the search for the ideal partner begins all over again.

Expectations in Relationships

What are your expectations when you enter into a relationship? Do you approach every relationship as if it were going to last forever, or do you let things develop slowly over time? Rushing into an intimate relationship may scare your partner away, whereas letting your partner get to know you first may lead to a more lasting relationship.

Love Them and Leave Them

Loving and leaving people is never good, especially for the person getting left behind. If you do this frequently, you aren't really ready for a mature loving relationship with anyone. In addition, depending on how small a town you live in, you may burn all your bridges and have no one to date. People may be afraid to form relationships with you if your reputation precedes you.

Love in the Digital Age

In the age of the Internet, people are expected to brand themselves in order to appear more attractive to others. Some may get to caught up in this personal branding that they lose sight of who they truly are. So when you meet someone in person for the first time after meeting online, you have to wonder if you fell in love with the true person or with an Internet persona.

Woman with 'Love' written with smartphone

Global Possibilities

The Digital Age also brings with it a veritable smorgasbord of eligible singles from all around the globe. For some people, this mass inventory makes it difficult for them to want to settle down and fall in love with just one person because they feel as though they're potentially missing out.

Busy Lives

Being busy has become a status symbol in today's society. With people so busy, there is little time left over for cultivating a relationship to allow love to blossom. Unless people are willing to carve out time to fall in love, their relationships will likely stay superficial.

Changing Norms

Marriage rates have steadily fallen within the last few years as millennials accept a different type of normal for relationships. Not everyone seeks out a "true love" since they don't feel as though getting married and staying with one person forever is a necessary life goal.

Easy Ending

As both genders enjoy more independence than in years past, modern singles may not feel the need to "couple up" for financial security as they once did. This results in fewer people actively looking for love - meaning fewer singles "on the market."

Fear of Commitment

Fear of commitment is one of the biggest problems among those looking for love - either their own fears or the fears of their partner. When one (or both) members of the couple are unwilling to commit to one another, it's difficult to feel as though there is a strong love present.

Let's Just Be Friends

While forming relationships slowly is a good idea, stringing someone along is not. Real love does develop over time, but letting your partner believe that this is a serious relationship when it is not, is wrong. Most people know whether or not there is a possibility of a lasting relationship within a few months' time. If you know in your heart that there is no chance of a lasting relationship forming, let the other person know, gently. If you break off a relationship in a positive way, you may be able to remain friends.

Fools Rush In

Jumping headlong into any relationship may be considered foolish for several reasons. You may think you love someone immediately, but after a few days of intimacy, the reality of the situation can sink in. You may discover that you really don't know much about the person and that can be frightening. The intensity of a passionate relationship may quickly diminish, leaving you wondering where the love went.

Love vs. Lust

Well, real love didn't go anywhere because it wasn't there, to begin with. Don't confuse love with lust. Love is caring deeply for someone and wanting to spend time with him or her on a regular basis. Lust seldom lasts for any length of time, and it often leaves people feeling empty and used. People who regularly find themselves in this type of relationship may believe that real love is so hard to find.

The Solution to Finding Love

A large portion of the solution to finding love is to be open to it yourself. Don't allow baggage from failed relationships in the past to make you cynical about finding love now. Give yourself permission to love - and to risk heartbreak. Without risk, there is no reward. When you find the person who you feel you may be able to love, don't guard your heart too tightly and let yourself enjoy the process of falling in love.

Find Compatible Relationships

Finding real love is possible if you take the time to get to know someone. A real lasting relationship can't be formed instantly. Doing things together is a great way to find out if you are compatible with another person. Sharing sports, antiquing, love of pets or any other activity is one way to get to know another person. Spending quality time with them and talking about their likes and dislikes, can help you discover what you have in common. If you take it slowly, you may find true love in your relationships with other people, the kind of love that will last a lifetime.

The Scoop on Why Real Love Is So Hard to Find