Most Desirable Qualities Men Look for in Women

Marcelina Hardy, MSEd, BCC
Contributor: Relationship expert Steve Nakamoto
Man smiling at his girlfriend

When trying to figure out what qualities men look for in women, it's best to go right to the source -- a man. Relationship expert Steve Nakamoto is "The Voice of the Other Half." He helps women understand men in love relationships so they can find love and keep it by knowing what men think about, and what they need and want from a relationship.

A Man's Perspective

When asked how he helps women with their love relationships Nakamoto responds, "I help women gain the extra clarity they need to figure out the men in their love lives. The big problem that I see is that most women get all of their relationship advice from other women. That's because they haven't been able to find friendly, honest and accurate advice/feedback from a male source. That's where I come in, that's my unique position, I'm that male source." A relationship and personal development coach, his coaching experience comes from years as a personal development trainer and instructor.

Location Matters

Nakamoto says that where you look for men can make a big difference. "I call this 'Favorite Fishing Holes: Where the Big Ones Are Biting!'" he said. "Location is a critical factor. It's like owning a restaurant - you want the best area for high-quality traffic. What determines location is the type of activity, the time of day or night, the energy of that environment, and whom that attracts. Equally important is to know which locations to avoid. Some places have bad energy, sleazy activities, and the wrong kind of people."

Safety in Numbers?

There is no magic answer to the question of whether women should go out solo or in a group, says Nakamoto. "Smart women will choose a variety of combinations of both to feel comfortable and stretch their comfort zones. That means there will be times when she can go alone, with two, three or four friends, or with a combination of male and female friends."

Like Attracts Like

"What most people are unaware of is that like attracts like. So a woman by herself is likely to meet a man by himself. Two women together are more likely to meet two men together. That's why when there is a group of four women it's probably a good idea to break into two groups of two for part of the outing. This makes them more approachable. Equally important is who you choose to go out with. It's a team effort when it comes to creating the most attractive energy. You can't have people who are only out for themselves at the expense of others. So don't go out with friends/associates who drain your energy or hog too much attention. The object is to make connections, not fall in love on the spot," said Nakamoto.

Going Solo

Nakamoto advises, "Going out alone is okay if the woman can maintain positive energy or has a lot of fun meeting new people. While that may not be comfortable for some women, going out alone is the kind of stretch that she may need to expand her comfort zone as long as it is a safe environment. This could be a networking event rather than a pick-up joint."

Communication Issues

Friends taking a break from dancing

Nakamoto says communication issues between men and women can cause problems.

Poor Listening

"Poor listening is, in my opinion, the biggest problem," said Nakamoto. "It stems from people wanting to be right rather than seeking to understand. The intention should be to seek more to understand than to be understood. Real listening requires patience, good questions, sincere compliments, and unselfish intention."

Big Deal or Little Deal?

"A common problem is that women put more significance on a greater range of things than men do," says Nakamoto. "As a result, women will commonly ask why a man does or say something and the men's answer is simply that they felt like doing it at the time and didn't think it was such a big deal. For women, many minor things are communicated to men as big deals."

Honoring Perspective

"Both men and women are not aware of how not seeing things from the other person's perspective is the primary cause of relationship failure," says Nakamoto. He further recommends the following tips to better communication, and as a result, better relationships:

  • Give the gift of sincere listening.
  • Set your intention on paying full attention.
  • Provide positive nonverbal feedback.
  • Try not to interrupt while he's speaking.
  • Help the talker get into their flow.
  • Seek first to understand others instead of wanting yourself to be understood.
  • Repeat his words back to yourself.
  • Don't jump to conclusions!
  • Ask empowering questions.

The Women Men Want

In the grand scheme, a man wants these five things, says Nakamoto:

  1. Hottie: feminine, sexy, physically attractive
  2. Sweetie: warm, kind, understanding, joyful
  3. Person: a woman of strong character
  4. Pal: a woman who gets along well with a man's friends and family
  5. Prize: a woman who is in demand that other men want and who only is offering a small window of opportunity for that guy.

The Ideal Woman

Nakamoto lists the following traits as most desired by men:

  • Is warm and friendly
  • Listens and is receptive
  • Responds well to the man
  • Is interesting and has something good to say
  • Is open and not judgmental
  • Enjoys herself
  • Can relax and be herself
  • Is easy to please
  • Pays attention to the man
  • Doesn't complain or criticize much at all
  • Is grateful
  • Is well-mannered

Physical Desires Vary

There is not one definitive list of specific attributes that all men desire in a partner, but there are some attributes that most men purport to want. Most of these speak to the health of the female, perhaps pointing toward an evolutionary perspective of seeking a fit mate who can reproduce successfully. These are the women men want to have relationships with - not just flings.

  • Clear skin
  • Shiny hair
  • White, straight teeth
  • Shiny hair
  • Small waist with larger hips
  • Minimal makeup
  • Youthfulness
  • Facial symmetry

The Universal Woman

Is there one woman that every single man finds attractive? No - remember that men are individuals and have their own preferences beyond what evolution compels them to desire. If your plan is to be attractive to every man, the best you can do is to present a healthy, friendly appearance and hope for the best.

Be You

It's one thing to allow your best attributes to shine, but it's another to pretend to be someone you're not in order to attract a man. Be yourself, and the right person will come along who appreciates you for who you are. After all, confidence in self is quite attractive.

Most Desirable Qualities Men Look for in Women