An open relationship is an agreement between two people who want to be together but decide that they want to date and/or have physical relationships with other people too. Some people view an open relationship as a negative thing, while others see this type of relationship as a positive factor that can lead to more freedom or self-expression while in a relationship.
Understanding Open Relationships
No Fixed Definition
In an open relationship, both partners are free to engage in sexual relationships with other people while still remaining in a relationship with each other. Beyond this, there isn't really a single definition for what an open relationship is, as partners who consent to this arrangement determine the parameters that apply within their relationship. According to an article in Men's Fitness, there are a wide variety of open-relationship arrangements, and details can vary substantially from one couple to another.
Determining Your Meaning
Since there is no fixed definition, unlike, say, monogamy, which had established its rules over centuries, it is up to couples who engage in open relationships to set rules. In Opening Up, a book on open relationships, author Tristan Taormino indicates that setting boundaries makes it easier for couples to determine what is acceptable within their relationships.
Types of Boundaries
Boundaries can be physical, sexual, or emotional. A physical boundary refers to touching someone, a sexual boundary refers to having sex, and an emotional boundary refers to the level of emotional involvement. For instance, if a couple decides that dating another person is fine, but kissing is not permissible, and sex is not allowed, it's establishing an emotional boundary (dating only), a physical boundary (no kissing) and a sexual boundary (no sex). The agreement a couple reaches can even be formally written down to solidify commitments and clarify expectations.
What Open Relationships Are Not
An open relationship is not a "no strings attached" relationship, or a "friends with benefits" relationship. Although people often equate an open relationship with these other types of relationships, there are distinct differences between them.
- No strings attached: A no strings attached relationship focuses on not being accountable to the other person in any way. By contrast, an open relationship does include a certain level of mutual accountability, and both partners consent to the arrangement .
- Friends with benefits: A friends with benefits relationship focuses on the freedom to have sex with friends, without romantic commitment. By contrast, an open relationship is interested in developing deeper levels of rapport and intimacy and not just camaraderie and sexual pleasure.
Perceived Pros & Cons
There are a variety of perceived pros and cons to an open relationship. However, it's important to note that what may be a positive aspect for one couple or person, could be a negative aspect for another. The important thing is that both partners are in agreement.
- With multiple partners, new experiences and interests can be pursued.
- The relationship is not inhibiting or boring, because of the excitement of different sexual experiences.
- There is the freedom to express different sides of one's self with a different partner.
- One person is no longer expected to fulfill all one's interests, emotional needs, and sexual desires.
- It can cause a great deal of emotional pain to see your partner experience happiness and pleasure with someone else.
- It can potentially increase the risk of spreading sexually transmitted diseases since people in the relationships have multiple partners.
- It might result in unwanted pregnancies.
- It can aggravate sexual addiction as an escape from personal problems or result in loss of libido from trying to please multiple partners.
Do Open Relationships Work?
Open relationships, just like any other relationship, may or may not work. These types of relationships may work if partners have no interest in monogamy, assuming that both partners are honest and have the consent of everyone involved in the relationships. However, they may not work if one or both partners secretly cling to the image of romantic and sexual exclusivity. In that case, jealousy and hurt feelings may override any logical agreements.