Introversion within individuals can range on a scale, so when it comes to dating, it's important to keep in mind that your needs may vary from other introverts. Introvert dating tips can help you feel more comfortable whether you are going on a first date, or have a new partner.
If you identify as an introverted person, you may find certain aspects of dating to be unpleasant or overwhelming. Being up front with your date or partner about what you're comfortable with is a great way to prioritize your specific needs.
First Date Tips for an Introverted Individual
When it comes to dating as an introvert, the best thing you can do is be honest with your date or partner about your likes and needs. That way, you'll know quickly if you are compatible for each other.
- Be up front about your personality. Having a tendency towards introversion is not a good or bad thing, it is just is part of your personality. Because introverted traits will influence your style of dating, it's a good idea to let your date know what you're all about.
- Let your date know if you're slow to warm and what makes you feel comfortable when getting to know someone new. For instance, you may say, "I just wanted to touch base with you before we meet and let you know I may come across as shy or standoffish during our date, but I'm just a bit slow to warm. I'm really excited to get to know you more!"
- Let your date know beforehand what type of date venues you are comfortable with. You can say, "During first dates, I tend to get overwhelmed in super loud or crowded group settings. Would you like to have a picnic in the park or meet at a coffee shop instead of going to a bar?"
- If you've been texting as your main form of communication prior to your date, you may let your date know that you tend to be (insert describing word) when on first dates. That way, your date will know what to expect. Because you may feel more comfortable with texting than in-person conversations, letting your date know that beforehand can feel like a relief for you and keeps your date in the loop. You might say, "I just wanted to let you know that I'm definitely more comfortable texting than chatting in person with someone new, so I may be a bit quiet on our date. This has nothing to do with you- it's just my personality. I tend to warm up after getting to know someone after a few weeks."
Create a Plan
Dating, just like being in a relationship, can be filled with compromises. Maybe your date or partner wants to meet in a setting that you're less comfortable with, but you want to give it a try. Based on your past experiences, try to create a plan that makes you feel the most comfortable.
- Prepare mentally for what the experience will be like.
- Be sure to give yourself a good break prior to your date so you don't feel overly drained during the date.
- If you feel too overwhelmed during the date, you can either let your date know, head outside for a quick breather, and/or do something a bit more low-key afterwards either with or without your date so you can recharge.
- If you feel you need to leave the date ASAP, you can be up front and honest with your date, or let them know you aren't feeling well and reschedule for another time. If you do reschedule the date, be sure to let your date know the types of dates you feel the most comfortable with.
Understand Your Relationship Needs
Within a relationship, it's crucial to understand what your needs are as an individual, and as an individual within a couple. If you have a good handle on what you need and what makes you feel best in a relationship, you'll be able to more quickly assess whether the person you're dating is a good fit for you. Think about:
- What types of dates you enjoy the most
- If you'd like a more extroverted partner, or if you're looking for someone with similar introverted tendencies
- How much time you'd like to spend with your partner ideally
- How much alone time you need
- How you like to recharge
Pick or Suggest a Date Venue That You Feel Comfortable With
Finding a date setting that feels comfortable to you can make the date feel less overwhelming and less draining. If your date has offered some suggestions that you don't feel comfortable with, especially during the first few dates, let them know how you feel. Starting the relationship off with honesty is a great foundation for a healthy relationship.
Introvert Relationship Advice
Being in a healthy relationship means not only understanding your needs, but having a partner that can share their needs as well. When both partners are insightful enough to express what they need, it is easier to see if they are compatible. As an introvert, you may say to your partner:
- I'm not up for going out tonight. Would you like to stay in and do something more low key instead?
- I'm totally fine going to the party for an hour or two, but I'd like to leave afterwards. I'm happy to head home solo though, if you'd like to stay.
- I'm not up for a date tonight- I really need to recharge.
Remember that if you and your partner have a healthy and loving relationship, they will understand your needs as an introvert, but they can also expect the same respect from you. In a healthy relationship, your partner won't punish you, shame you, or be upset with you when you share that your needs may differ from theirs.
Introverts Dating Introverts
Introverts can absolutely date other introverts successfully. You both may have a better understanding of what it means to be an introvert and may share a similar dating style. Keep in mind that introversion exists on spectrum, so it's still important to discuss what you both feel comfortable with regarding relationship needs.
How Can an Introvert Be More Confident?
Being an introvert is not synonymous with having low confidence or social anxiety. Identifying as introverted means that you prefer to turn inward versus outward for stimulation. If you are feeling a lack of confidence when it comes to dating, remember that:
- It takes time to get used to dating. Dating can feel strange and overwhelming, but with time, it's something you are likely to get used to.
- Pick date settings that make you feel comfortable.
- Suggest activities that you like for the date instead of heading to a crowded restaurant or loud bar.
- Own your introverted traits so you can find a partner who gets you.
How Do Introverts Feel Comfortable?
Each individual will have a unique take on what makes them feel comfortable when it comes to dating. In general, introverts tend to feel drained by long social interactions, as well as overstimulating situations. Introverts may feel more comfortable:
- Connecting in a quieter setting
- Connecting for shorter increments of time
- Having the date incorporate something you like
How Does an Introvert Flirt?
Depending on how introverted an individual is, flirting can vary. As an introvert, you may feel more comfortable flirting over text or writing your feelings or thoughts down in a letter or note where you can be more contemplative.
Dating as an Introvert
While there may be aspects of dating that you may particularly dislike or feel overwhelmed by, there are plenty of ways to connect with your date or partner in settings that allow your personality to shine.