How to Talk to a Girl on the Phone

Lori Gorshow
talking on the phone

Talking to a girl on the phone doesn't need to be hard or intimidating. Follow some basic advice from Dating Coach Lori Gorshow to win her over with your words.

Share Information Through Talking

Many females believe that the way to connect with a guy they are dating is to share information though talking. This is why when there is a lull in the conversation she asks, "What are you thinking about?" If you say nothing, she believes you are hiding something. For the guy who is good at talking, this way of connecting in order to build a deep and meaningful relationship is no problem. But, for the guy that finds talking about his thoughts and feelings difficult, this approach to building a deep and meaningful relationship can be a real nightmare!

Verbally Express Yourself

Your girlfriend may ask you to stretch yourself and try to express yourself more verbally. Be careful about posting to online communities instead of talking to your girlfriend, even if you are more comfortable expressing yourself in writing versus talking. Public posts may add another problem to your relationship if you haven't established yourself privately first.

Look at Her Perspective

Try putting yourself in her shoes. Talk with her about your difficulty coming up with fun and unique conversations and tell her you're willing to try a couple of new ideas. You can always find some interesting things to talk about on the phone if you take a few minutes to consider her interests, plans, and hobbies.

How to Get Started Talking on the Phone

Having a conversation on the phone is not as hard as you might think. You can start by asking about her day; what she did, who she did things with, etc. As she expresses her thoughts, ask follow-up questions that demonstrate you are listening. For example:

  1. If she tells you a story about one of her friends, ask how she felt about the situation or what's she going to do.
  2. Follow up your questions with your thoughts, ideas, or suggestions.
  3. Share something on-topic which happened to you that day.
  4. Follow up your sharing by asking her what she thinks.

Continue this cycle to keep the conversation rolling until you reach a natural stopping point. It's fine to end the conversation after you've exchanged some brief discussions on a few topics.

Topics to Talk About

If you find that talking about what is going on in each other's lives difficult, try these tips for coming up with questions to ask your girlfriend:

  • Be her last call of the day. "Tuck" her in by reading. Select a poem or a book written by an author either she or you enjoy, and each night read her a few pages.
  • Come up with "no one ever asked me that before!" type questions. There are games based on asking questions, which you can find online or at a store with a toy department or invent your own questions.
  • Use getting to know you questions. They will help you find common interests and things you both enjoy doing.
  • Play games on the phone. Hangman, I Spy or other childhood favorites are a way to broaden your conversation skills.

When you're really stuck, have a few great conversation starters written down to help move the conversation along.

Alternative Ways to Express Yourself

Since you find writing an easier way of expressing yourself, use that skill to your advantage and write her romantic letters. Imagine her surprise when she reads your romantic thoughts expressed via an email, letter or posting on the Internet. However, make sure you ask her whether she would like this before you try it.

Practice and Talking on the Phone Gets Easier

If you're not very good at talking to your girlfriend on the phone, whether you just met or you're talking for the first time, it's important to just pick up the phone and call her. She'll appreciate the gesture and once you've talked a few times, you'll feel comfortable on the phone.

How to Talk to a Girl on the Phone