A few years ago, Blaire Allison created a web site to help her find a husband - why not use the web for your very own how to find your soulmate guide? It started out as sort of a joke, but MarryBlaire.com quickly became a national sensation. Was this woman crazy? Was she desperate? Turns out, she's pretty darn smart. Blaire Allison is a relationship expert and dating coach who knows that you've got to have the right attitude if you want to find "The One." The truth is, says Blaire--it's not about web sites, singles bars, or any other gimmick: it's about being brave enough to be true to yourself.
MarryBlaire.com is now the Internet home for Blaire's coaching service and a place to find both tips on dating and advice on how to find your soulmate. A new feature, Blaire's Love Laws, offers ideas and exercises to bring love into your life.
The Love Guru
Tell us about the MarryBlaire.com experience.
Well, the site was really meant just for my friends and family to see. It's kind of a mystery to me how it got out! But it started being passed around and all of a sudden I was in the New York Times, I was on CNN, just non-stop. I started publicly sharing my journey: who I'm dating, how it's going, and the issues I'm working on. Even though a lot of the dates weren't working out, I kept going because people said it was inspiring; that my experience helped them find their "One."
As a coach, you're now known as the "Love Guru." How did that happen?
I've always been interested in relationships and the "secret formula" of how to find your soulmate--how to find "The One." When I was a kid, I loved movies and books about relationships. I would interview people in good marriages and ask, "What makes a successful relationship?" When I went to college, I studied psychology and communication. Even my jobs had relationship slants to them, like matching up singles for a reality TV show.
Several years ago, I started an event planning service. I do a lot of bachelorette parties, and I've done events for Match.com. I started informally coaching people at the events. People started applying the advice I was giving them--and it worked!
It just kind of evolved from there. I started doing workshops, releasing material… It's just been more and more of an evolution of "How can I help others?"
Preparing for Love
Is there a "secret formula" for how to find your soulmate?
Yes! It's all about preparing yourself to find love. Society tells us, go out to bars, go to singles events, and search the Internet. All these things can be tiring and not really fun. I teach people to use their internal power to get the things they want. You don't need to be going out to bars or doing these singles events if you don't like them. You can use your own power rather than going out and hunting a person down.
If you don't go out and search, how can you find "The One?"
You attract people with love, not with your fear of being alone. Girls know about this. You're at a bar and guys come up and say, "Hi, how are you, let me have your phone number!" And it's so off-putting. But if you're comfortable being single and trusting in the universe to bring you the one, you don't give off that fearful energy.
How do you create good energy?
It's really about loving yourself and having a good relationship with yourself. That is what makes you shine. It pulls people to you. And that includes friends, and that includes "The One!"
My "Love Laws" are all about preparing yourself for love. They really do work. Since I started taking preparing myself for love, my own recent relationships have magically appeared in my life. I met my wonderful boyfriend because I happened to be renting space at the place where he works. I had hardly noticed him, but he noticed me!
Today Is the Day
Can you share some of your Love Laws with us?
Let's do "Today Is the Day." A lot of people will go through a breakup and feel like they failed. They're embarrassed, they feel bad or ashamed. But if you keep thinking, "She broke my heart, no one will love me again," you're programming your mind to find more of those bad experiences. If you think "All guys are jerks," or "I can't find anybody," your mind says, "OK, you can't find anybody!" You keep on creating bad day after bad day or bad relationship after bad relationship. My advice is to stop that thinking. Instead think, "Today is a new day! The last experience didn't work out, and maybe there are lessons to be learned, but today is a new experience." It doesn't matter what happened yesterday. You could have been broken hearted, lost your job, been ill, but today is a new day. And you can consciously create every moment of every day.
What happens next?
If you test it out, even if you have to pretend, you'll notice good energy coming back to you. Here's a trick to try: Start your day by creating a gratitude list. Grab a piece of paper and write down what you're happy about in your life. This morning, I woke up and it was sunny and beautiful, so I would write, "I'm happy that it's a beautiful day." What happens is when you think about the good things in your life, good things happen to you. When you start the day with a bad feeling, you're going to attract things that aren't as good. If you want to attract your soulmate, you have to put that good energy out there.
The Law of Tolerating
What else do you recommend?
My next Love Law is called the "Law of Tolerating." Whether you're a happy person or not, you end up tolerating a lot of stuff as you go through life. Some people feel like they're doing a great job because they're tolerating so much. But after a while, this stuff weighs you down. You get sort of muted. Your light doesn't shine as bright. But you need your energy to make your dreams come true!I recommend that people write down all the things they're tolerating. You go through all the different areas of your life--health, career, money, relationships, family, and friends. Just becoming aware of the things really clears out a lot of junk in your life. Then you can start taking care of some of the things on your list. The small things you can do quickly: get that stain on your coat cleaned, clean out your email inbox. The big things, like wanting a new job, you might not be able to take care of immediately. But you can start to think about making them happen.
Doing all this can bring up a lot of feelings you didn't even realize you were having. You might cry over stuff, but that's not a bad thing. It's cleansing. It encourages you to embrace who you are and not be scared of who you are. And once you start doing it, you'll see all the miracles that start happening. It's amazing how the universe takes care of you if you're open to it.
More Advice on How to Find Your Soulmate
You can find more advice from Blaire on her web site, MarryBlaire.com. She offers one-on-one coaching by phone, exercises based on the Love Laws, and a series of CD's to help you find "The One." And once you've found your soulmate, Blaire and her Metro Event Planners team can help you plan the ultimate bachelor or bachelorette party.