Ways to Use Eye Contact As a Flirting Technique

Contributor: Tamsen Butler
Man and woman making eye contact

Eye contact flirting is a good way to test the dating waters and see if someone is interested in you. Eye contact is a safe way to convey how you feel or what you have in mind.

Types of Flirting with Eye Contact

Like any type of flirting technique, eye contact is not just black and white. This type of flirting takes many forms and users will often employ more than one type of eye contact flirting.

Extended Gaze

The extended gaze type of eye contact is a lingering look that lasts longer than the conversation or the usual look. Accompanied with a small smile or warmth in the eyes, the extended gaze is different from a disturbing stare. To avoid staring, always send comfortable body signals like an easy stance or tilt of the neck along with your extended gaze.

Peeking

Peeking is short, brief glances that are more demure than the full on extended gaze. Peeking is surreptitious yet noticeable. Peeking eye contact is a good warm up for other more intense eye flirting. Teens often use this type of flirting.

Long Distance

Long distance eye flirting occurs between two people who may not know one another but feel an attraction. Often described as sparks, kismet or "love at first sight," the long distance eye flirt is often seen in movies. Flirting with your eyes across a distance can occur repeatedly over a long period or just for one poignant moment.

Playful Flirt

Your stare can indicate, "Look at that silly thing!" or, "Do you believe this is happening?" and create a shared moment between the two of you. After you have locked eyes, glance at something else (perhaps a customer in line at the coffee shop rattling off a ridiculously long order for a customized drink), look back, and give a grin. It's as if you're both in on a joke; if the other person laughs, nods, or rolls their eyes as if to say, "I know - how silly!" it's a good sign of a quick connection.

The Eyebrow Lift

You'll raise your eyebrows when encountering someone you know or find attractive - this is a unconscious facial gesture and generally puts other people at ease (even if they don't realize it). When you lock eyes with the other person, subtly raise your eyebrows - doing this too overtly can make you appear shocked or bemused, so keep it small. It should be a subtle movement, but it's an inviting one. Helping the other person feel at ease with you may help them feel comfortable approaching you for a real conversation.

Full Body Gaze

Full body gazes begin with an extended gaze, are followed up by a longer look over the mouth, down the body and back up to the eyes. This type of eye contact is brazen and highly sensual. The person may respond with a similar gaze or appear to blush.

How to Use Eye Contact Flirting

If you want to send the object of your affection a clear signal, then try eye contact. It is a simple way to flirt and you can do it almost anywhere.

  1. Think about where you will next see the person you are interested in.
  2. Plan what type of look you will use.
  3. Say nothing if possible and stand still, yet in a casual manner. If you are nervous, engage in a conversation with a friend while you wait for a clear moment.
  4. Without turning your body, turn your head to your love interest. Wait for him or her to return your look.
  5. Look deeply, but not too intensely. into his or her eyes. Add a smile or some type of gesture to your look. Gestures like tapping your lips, stroking your cheek and twisting your hair are typical movements that accompany a good eye flirt.

Is Staring Always Flirting?

It's important to utilize the above tips and not simply stare blankly. Staring takes on less of a flirtatious feel to it when the stare isn't accompanied by the appropriate body language or a softness of the eyes. Stare blankly for too long and your intended recipient may think you are simply day dreaming or trying to place their face to remember where you know them from.

What to Do When You Make Eye Contact

man and woman talking flirting

You successfully make eye contact with the other person and they're looking right back at you. What now? This is a good time for a little smile, a small head nod of acknowledgement, or if the other person seems locked into your gaze comfortably, it may be time to walk up and say hello. Successful eye contact is as much a conversation (albeit, non-verbal) as an initial exchange of pleasantries; don't be apprehensive about starting up an actual conversation after connecting via eye contact.

Rejected Eye Contact

To avoid social embarrassment, it is good to know when to cease and desist with the eye contact flirting. Too much of a good thing can make you look like a stalker or too pushy. Allow plenty of time between eye flirts and let the other person have the opportunity to consider your "offer." If your eye contact receives a frown or if he or she avoids you, then you know your advances are not welcome. Discontinue your eye flirting if this happens.

Unacceptable Gestures

The body language you use with your eye contact is important. Avoid these gestures when making eye contact since most people will not welcome these gestures.

  • Rubbing your tongue over your lips
  • Rubbing your groin area
  • Making silent mouth movements
  • Pointing at areas of the other person's body

Practice Makes Perfect

Eye flirting is a powerful way to get the attention of someone you are interested in. With some practice, you can become a masterful flirter.

Ways to Use Eye Contact As a Flirting Technique