Advice About Eye Contact and Romantic Chemistry

flirting eyes

Need a little chemistry eye contact to get that guy talking? Well, let our dating coach give you a few pointers.

Chemistry Eye Contact Tips

Reader Question

Hey, there is this boy who I don't know what do about. He looks at me when he thinks I'm concentrating on something else, and he looks at me in the hallways the entire time. When I catch him looking, he either just stares at me or looks away quickly at whatever's in front of him. I'm not really sure if he likes me or not. My friends tell me to make the first approach but I don't know how to. I really do want him to talk to me first before I do. HELP!!! ~~Reni

Expert Reply

Dear Reni,

The boy you are interested in is talking to you. He's just talking non-verbally. In order for him to say something to you, he's going to need some encouragement. To encourage him, I would recommend you do some flirting. The next time you 'catch' him looking at you, look at him and smile and then drop your eyes down like you are shy. You might even tilt your head down slightly while you look down. Follow this movement by looking up again in a couple of seconds to see if he is still looking at you. Should he be looking, repeat the flirting a second time and then go about your business. By flirting with your eyes and smiling at the same time, you're letting him know that you noticed him, are interested and it is OK for him to come and talk with you.

Sometimes the flirting move listed above isn't enough for a boy who is very shy to come and talk with you. If this sounds like your guy, you might have to make your encouragement really obvious. To do this, you'll need to get close enough for him to hear you say hi. When you are walking by the boy you like, say, "hi" to him while smiling. You'll want to walk just slow enough to allow him to respond back. Should he respond, encourage him more by saying, "how's it going?" This should be enough to get him talking to you.

~~Lori

Flirting Tips

Reader Question

Dear Lori, I'm 15 (a little young, I know) and I just can't seem to get guys' attention. I'm not ugly, but I'm not exactly flirtatious. I pretty much stick to hanging out with girls. I guess I feel like I'll be mocked or turned away if I flirt. What is the easiest way to get a guy's attention so I can find out if he's interested BEFORE I start actually flirting? I'm feeling really bad about myself, because everyone else seems to have had a relationship of some kind. For me? Well, not even in kindergarten. I'm at my wits end. If it's my self-confidence that's the problem, what can I do? I'm so confused! Thank you, Sofi-- Contributed by: Sofi

Expert Reply

Dear Sofi,

At fifteen, it is natural that you would be interested in boys and boys would be interested in you too. It is likely that there is a boy who likes you right now but because your awareness is focused on you, you haven't even noticed him. The eye reflect how we feel; if we're happy, sad, mean or friendly. Sometimes our expressive eyes can be misunderstood, as when a guy is looking at you with interest, but you misunderstand the look as mocking you. To move your awareness off yourself and how insecure you feel, you'll need to look around and see who's looking at you. It will help if you keep an open mind and see the positive in others. When you flirt from this place, you come across as friendly and interested in others. This is an attractive character trait for any guy and will naturally draw him to you. It will also give you some indication of who might be interested in you.

You can start flirting by just saying, "Hi" to guys. Use your girlfriends for support. Dare each other to say, "Hi" to random guys. This will give you confidence and invite guys to say, "Hi" back, opening the door to a conversation. Another suggestion is to get involved in school activities such as volunteering to help with a school dance or project. Volunteering provides you the means to talk to other people through assisting them. Rather than being on the sidelines, you have a staring role in the activity. You could also join the school newspaper, yearbook committee or get involved in a school sport. Any of these activities give you an opportunity to meet and talk with guys in smaller groups. If you think of flirting as a way to be friendly with others and seek out those opportunities to be friendly, you'll find that talking to boys is a whole lot easier.

~~Lori

How to Talk to Boys

Reader Question

So, I never seem to have any luck when it comes to boys. I have a ton of friends and a few close friends, but they're all girls. My goal this year (because it's my senior year) was to come out of my 'shy shell', and it's working, but I'm only making new girl friends. As much as I try to talk to boys, they just don't talk back. It's really getting on my nerves. Advice please!?!?!?!?!-- Contributed by: Kourtnie

Expert Reply

Dear Kourtnie,

People often think there is a difference in the way to befriend guys vs. girls. The truth is that it's not that much different, the basics are the same. All people enjoy being with someone who is easy to get a long with, fun to be with and has a good sense of humor. Since your circle of girlfriends has expanded, I am guessing you have many of these characteristics. What is different between the sexes is the way they open up and share information. Understanding this difference may help to improve your social circle with the opposite sex.

Females express their feelings and thoughts through talking. Often females are not direct in their communication with one another. Because of this indirect communication style, women tend to look for the meaning behind the words. Guys generally bond and connect through act of doing something. Guys typically say what they mean, so there is no meaning behind the words. Because of this, they tend to be blunt rather than coy. In addition, high school guys tend to mature later. This means, that a typical high school guy will miss the subtle messages a girl might send signaling that she's interested in him.

These different styles of communication often lead to a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding between the sexes. It is likely that a guy has shown some interest in you but you have missed the opportunity because you didn't recognize his style of communication. Likewise, you may be sending out signals that you're interested in a particular guy, but he is missing your signal. Practice makes perfect. My suggestion is for you to get involved in activities where there is a mixture of males and females. This will give you some exposure to "guy-speak" without the pressure of romance.

You could also look for a part-time job. If you choose this route, make sure the job has either an equal number of females to males or slightly more males than females. Jobs in sporting goods stores, electronic stores and athletics environments are good considerations. Other inclusive activities to explore are co-ed or intramural leagues like softball, volleyball or tennis. Become a member of a club, committee or group at your school. Consider the school newspaper, planning school dances, yearbook etc. The more opportunities for mixed group involvement the quicker you'll learn.

By doing something with guys, you will pick up their communication style. In addition, being part of something makes it easier for guys to get to know you as well as helping you to expand your social network.

~~Lori

Advice About Eye Contact and Romantic Chemistry