Uh-oh! Looks like you've reached the infamous impasse in the relationship when you and your partner dance around the words "I love you" but never actually say them. And chances are, there's no way in heck you're going to spill the beans first! Fair enough. With a little finesse and a dash of psychology, find out how to get him to say I love you.
1. Devalue the Word "Like" and Other L-Word Substitutes
"I really, really like you," your partner says as he stares deeply into your eyes. When this happens, playfully brush him off and say, "Oh? That's nice. I really, really like pepperoni pizza!" followed by a suggestive wink.
In this way, you're lightheartedly insinuating that "like" is a depthless word that should be reserved for one's favorite dishes, but not for profound, emotional expression. Hopefully, he'll get the hint and understand that you're encouraging him to use a word that's a bit more sentimental. Like, ahem, "love!"
2. Spectacular Sex Will Make Him Spill the Beans
An amazing romp in the sack will make any man howl "I love you!" at the top of his lungs. And we're not talking about what you usually do, no matter how good it is. We're talking mind-blowing, hair-raising, orgasmic sex, sending him up so high on Cloud 9, that not only will he drop a few L-bombs, but he'll pledge to do more housework, agree to never keep the toilet seat up again, and promise to pay more attention to you during Sunday Night Football.
Yeah, that type of sex.
To offer some suggestions, consider tantra sex or even erotic board games to get things hot and heavy in the bedroom.
3. Self-Disclosure Leads to a Slip of the Lips
There's something disarming about someone who's transparent, candid, and openhearted, don't you agree? When someone we care about feels free to share intimate information with us, it encourages us to divulge our personal feelings as well. So in regards to galvanizing your man to say the L-word, share something new about yourself that will provide a broader, more panoramic view of who you are. Share your fears, worries, and past adversities.
You should also delve into conversations that will stimulate his intellect and tickle his brain. Over a glass of wine, stare into his eyes and ask what motivates him or what happiness means to him. Rummaging through the far corners of your partner's heart, mind, and soul will melt him into saying "I love you" sooner than you think.
4. Hypnotize Him While He Sleeps
Wait until the wee hours of the night, when your significant other is catching some Z's, and softly whisper repetitive phrases in his ears such as, "I will express my feelings to [insert your name]."
According to LiveScience, neuroscientists from Northwestern University in Chicago claim that humans can absorb new information while they sleep. Other researchers even claim that you can learn a new language while you snooze! So, while your lover dozes off, why not plant a little bug in his ear to motivate him to finally let the cat out of the bag?
5. Saturate His Subconscious With Sentimental Signs
Whenever he's with you, swamp his subconscious with stimuli that reminds him of love. Wear red often to stimulate his senses. In the background, frequently leave on films with "love" in its title, such as Love Actually, I Love You, Man, and Crazy, Stupid, Love. You should do the same with music.
When he asks you for a favor or suggests a date, respond with phrases that emphasize the L-word such as, "I would love to!" Take him to places that awaken his most nostalgic, warmest memories. When you cook for him, present a heart-shaped platter. And lastly, fulfill his unmet needs with affection. For example, consider having his favorite fast-food order waiting for him on the kitchen table after a long day of work and draw a heart on the bag.
These are all ways you can associate signs of love with yourself. Watch him blurt out the much anticipated "I love you" in no time!
6. Play a Clever Game of Pictionary
Who doesn't love Pictionary? It's a fun two-person game and you get to show off your awesome drawing skills as you help your partner guess a specific word or phrase. At some point in the middle of the game, it would be a clever idea to draw an eye, followed by a heart, and finally, a man pointing at another person.
Energized by the momentum of the game, watch him obliviously shout, "I love you!" Teasingly respond by saying "Haha! You said it first!"
6 Subtle Ways to Make Him Say "I Love You"
If you're more the subtle type than the sneaky type, there are some ways you can bring up the topic to encourage your guy to say "I love you."
1. Ask About His Thoughts on Love
Talking about love in general or love between other people often can be a subtle hint that you're hoping to hear some loving words. Find ways to bring up the topic of love naturally by sharing news stories or personal experiences to get love on his brain. What you think about can influence both how you feel and how you act, so getting him thinking about love can help him say "I love you." Couples who live together will have the easiest time making these conversations part of the daily routine.
2. Sing a Karaoke Duet That Includes the Line "I Love You"
The next time you head out to karaoke together, choose a duet that includes the lyric "I love you." Don't tell him why you chose the song or point out the lyrics, but do try to lock eyes with him when you're singing that important line. You can add a subtle comment after your performance about how you had strong feelings doing that song with him. This gives him the chance to say those words to you in a pressureless situation, which could make him more comfortable saying it intentionally. It also shows him that you probably feel the same way, so he won't be worried about rejection when he says "I love you."
3. Play a Word Association Game
Word association is an easy game any couple can play while snuggling on the couch or in bed. Suggest a game of word association and make sure you're armed with words that hint love. Suggest a word like "feelings" then have him say the first word that comes to mind. Take turns so it doesn't feel like you're pushing an agenda. Once you've gotten into a good rhythm, start giving him words such as "me" or "love." He may spill the beans accidentally when he shouts out his answer, or the conversation might spark a desire in him to say "I love you."
4. Leave a Love Note
Love notes don't have to blatantly say "I love you," they can use other similar phrases to express the same feelings. Leaving him a special little note that shows your feelings can give him the courage to share his. While you want to avoid saying "I love you" in the note, you can sign it with the closing "Love," followed by your name or add a heart. This is a great option for couples who don't live together or long-distance couples because you're absence after leaving the note gives him time to process it.
5. Slip it Into an Unrelated Conversation
You might feel like you just want to come out and ask him if he loves you, but posing the question in a more subtle way can make you both feel more comfortable if you don't typically share a lot of feelings. Bring up a conversation about something your parents or your friends have said or asked about him that includes the "L" word. For example, maybe your best friend asked you the other day what you see in him or criticized something he does. You can share that story, then share how you defended him and had a conversation with your friend about what love is.
6. Applaud Him When He Shares His Feelings
Many men need to feel safe and secure when sharing their feelings, even with someone they love. Catch him sharing his feelings about anything and make it a point to applaud him for that. Tell him how great it was to be trusted enough to share in his feelings and make a big gesture out of it. A few of these moments will make him feel like he can tell you anything.
He'll Say it When He's Ready
If your partner is still tight-lipped after these tips, it's time to realize that he's keeping mum not because he's coy, but because he hasn't reached the emotional level where he feels comfortable saying "I love you" yet - and that's okay! Give him time. After all, it's always better to hear those three magical words when it's the most sincere.