5 Things Girls Want Guys to Do on a First Date

Michele Meleen
Contributor: Gray Miller
First Date Musts for Guys

What are the 5 things all girls want guys to do on a first date? Considering how many different preferences girls that want to date can have, it might be hard to find five absolutes for what to do on a first date, but there are some safe guesses.

Top 5 Things All Girls Want Guys to Do on a First Date

Whether you're looking for a fun hike in the rough wilderness or a fancy evening out in a sophisticated restaurant, there are some basic rules of behavior. Even if things get more casual later on in the relationship, making the initial effort is always appreciated.

1. Show Up

At first it may seem a bit obvious, but the simple idea of "showing up" goes beyond just arriving. First there's the idea that a girl wants her date to be on time. In the information age, however, showing up means also being present for the date. Phones should be shut off, texts ignored, iPads left at home. The guy's attention and intention should be right there for the date, so that for at least those few hours the girl feels special.

2. Make an Effort

Depending on the date, dress codes can vary. Whatever attire is appropriate, though, it is nice for the man to make an effort in his appearance. This doesn't necessarily mean wearing expensive clothes. The first date might be taking a trip to an apple orchard, going scuba diving, or some other activity that precludes fancy dress.

A guy can always make an effort to look nice, though, wearing clothes that complement his features and taking care of personal hygiene such as combing his hair, shaving, etc. Like a woman's makeup, it may be best if it doesn't look like he did anything at all, but if he made no effort at all, it will show. That can make the girl feel unimportant and not worth the trouble.

3. Be Responsible

The days of the guy automatically paying for the first date are long gone. Often women want to make sure they don't feel beholden to their dates, and so they will go "dutch," each person paying for themselves.

If that's the plan from the beginning, it's fine; however, there is enough holdover of tradition that it is nice for the guy to offer to pay for the dinner, movie, or whatever. It gives her an opportunity to assert her own independence and self-responsibility, or to graciously accept his gift, or even to choose to pay for it all herself! While it's not necessary to be rich, and you can take turns paying later, the guy needs to be able to handle himself financially.

4. Be Open

A first date is when people just start to get to know each other. It's a time of discovery, of learning new things not only about each other but also about the world. While it's fine to maintain your own opinions and beliefs, it is very unattractive to refuse to hear about others. One of the worst mistakes a man can make on a date is to speak badly about some idea or group, only to find out that it's one of her ideas, or that she is a member of that group. For example, imagine going to a restaurant and hearing a man belittle those "silly vegetarians" and then hear his date ask the waiter if the restaurant has any vegan entrees? That's not a first date that's going very well.

5. Follow Up

Some first dates are fantastic. You know that there's going to be another date, and you can't wait to see him or her again. In those cases, you know that there's going to be future contact.

What about the not-so-great first dates? Even if it's an awful encounter ("I can't believe what he said about vegetarians!"), it's nice to follow up with a thank you. It shows appreciation and acknowledges the time commitment involved when the girl took a chance to go out with a guy. In some cases, that follow up may need to be an apology ("Sorry about the vegetarian remark"). In other cases, it might be the thing that tips the scale from "OK date" to "good date" just because it shows the guy cares.

Advice for What to Do on a First Date

Prepping for that first date is one thing, but actually being on the first date gives you a chance to put that prep work into practice.

Couple laughing at restaurant table
  • Suggest an afternoon date and participate in a casual activity, such as bike riding or surfing lessons, that prohibit you from pulling out your phones and alleviate any pressures of taking things further too quickly.
  • Ask questions about her hobbies, work, and goals that will give you clues about her without probing too deeply into her life history.
  • Dress in clothing you feel comfortable in that's clean and makes sense for the occasion so you'll both be comfortable.
  • Bring cash so you are prepared to pay for a portion of or all of the date depending on what the two of you decide.
  • Present the best version of yourself that is still authentic in the way you look, talk, and act on the date.

Things to Avoid on a First Date

While each person and circumstance is different, there are several behaviors that most people would consider unattractive on a first date.

  • Avoid topics that could lead to an argument like political opinions or that could lead to sharing too much information like medical problems you have.
  • Don't talk about or have sex on a first date, it could be dangerous physically and emotionally.
  • If you want to keep this date from becoming your own true dating horror story, skip the alcohol and try not to overeat.

Common Courtesy, Uncommon Dates

While these may be 5 things all girls want guys to do on a first date, they aren't the only things. Good manners and honesty are other important factors. Using common courtesy plus these extra five steps can be the basis for a truly long-lasting relationship.

5 Things Girls Want Guys to Do on a First Date