How to Spice Up Your Relationship

Amy Guertin
Novelty is the key to spicing up your relationship.

It is human nature to follow routines because predictability provides safety and certainty. However, predictable routines can become problematic when they lead to boredom in a relationship. Adding a little spice to your relationship with your significant other can awaken excitement, increase your appreciation for each other, and strengthen your relationship overall.

Do New Things Together

One way to reconnect and add some stimulation to your relationship is by doing new things together. Come up with a list of things that you would both like to try. This can be anything from taking a dance class or trying a new sexual position. A few suggestions include:

  • Explore different types of kisses. It's easy for couples to fall into the habit of kissing the same way over and over, but there are plenty of different ways to kiss. Here is a video for some ideas.
  • Try a different approach to foreplay. Men and women have very different ideas about what is important during foreplay. Psychiatrist and sex expert Dr. Laura Berman has an exercise she uses with couples called the Foreplay Map.
    • Each person takes two foreplay maps, each of which has outlines (front and back) of a person.
    • One person numbers the places on their body where they liked to be touched.
    • The other person numbers the places on their partner's body that they usually touch.
    • The two people compare the foreplay maps and discuss the differences between what is being done and what is preferred. This allows for greater communication about the type and place of touch that is desired and the type and place of touch that doesn't really add to the sexual experience.
    • The partners then switch roles and the exercise is repeated, focusing on the other person in the relationship.
  • Engage in role playing. Sexual role playing games can help spice things up.
    • Pretend that you are strangers and meet at a bar. Have one person "pick up" the other person. Feel free to play a little hard to get.
    • You can also pretend that he comes to the house as a service man and the two of you have an immediate sexual attraction that must be acted on. Use your imagination.
  • Make dates for sex. You make dates to go see a movie or have dinner, so you can also make a date to have sex. This is especially necessary for those of you with children. Schedule some alone time for love making, and be sure to remove any children's gear from the bedroom or - better yet - check into a hotel. Remember - during this time, you are lovers, not parents.
  • Take turns planning sex dates. By taking turns planning activities, it makes both of you think about what the other one desires. She may desire a romantic room lit with candles; he may desire a hot bath and a massage.

  • Take a weekend away. If you can arrange it, take some time away together.

    • Stay at a relaxing bed and breakfast or get a little more creative.
    • There are hundreds of themed hotel rooms out there - do a little research and have a sexy good time.
  • Get the adrenaline flowing. Both men and women have been shown to become more sexually aroused after experiencing fear, or any other adrenaline-producing emotion. Do anything that creates a feeling of fear and excitement. It may just put both of you in the mood. Consider:
    • Watching a scary movie
    • Going to a haunted house together
    • Going skydiving
    • Riding roller coasters

Be Spontaneous

You do not have to plan out everything that you do. Spontaneity can be an excellent way to add excitement to your relationship.

  • Surprise him by cooking dinner in lingerie - or even naked - when he comes home.
  • Go commando. The next time you go out for dinner, let him know in the middle of the meal that you're not wearing undergarments under your skirt.
  • Have sex outside of the bedroom. The next time the two of you get sexual, choose a new place in the house to have sex.
  • Communicate suggestively throughout the day. A sexy text or phone call at an unexpected moment can be very exciting.
  • Be sexy. Get a new haircut, try a new perfume or cologne, or wear something more revealing than usual. Feeling sexy can change the way your partner sees you and the interactions between the two of you.

Get Sensual and Sexual

It's important to remember that sex is not entirely physical - there are also cognitive and emotional components to sex. There are several things that you can do to increase both the sensuality and sexuality of your relationship:

  • Use non-sexual behavioral foreplay. Not all foreplay has to be physical. Other behaviors can play a direct role in building up anticipation and excitement to help set the mood
    • Really listen to your partner.
    • Dress in a way that you know your partner appreciates.
    • Take your love out for a romantic evening or cook dinner and serve it.
    • Take a walk in the moonlight
    • Kiss in the rain.
  • Use touch. Touch can be a very sensual experience. Touching your partner in places that you don't normally touch can be a very erotic experience.
    • Touching your partner's face, fingers, and ankles can feel very good.
    • Giving a good massage can be a wonderful way to physically connect with your lover.
  • Take your time. When things do become sexual, make sure to take your time. The anticipation of sex only heightens the experience.
    • Don't rush. Enjoy each other for as long as possible.
    • Make sure that you both are completely satisfied, cognitively, emotionally, and physically.

Relationships Take Work

It is normal for relationships to lose the butterflies that they start with. Couples generally develop routines that are both comfortable and secure. However, too much comfort and predictability can mean the destruction of even the best of relationships. Make sure you work on keeping the spice in your relationship. Try new things, both in the bedroom and out. Most importantly, tell each other what you want. If you both put in the effort, you'll have the type of passionate relationship that other couples envy.

How to Spice Up Your Relationship