LoveToKnow Dating:Ask the Dating Expert

I hear that you want to stop this behavior. You want to be at a place where you can take responsibility for your part of the fighting. I understand that you really want to be able to put the past in the past and move forward. And I truly understand that it is easier to say what you want then to do it.

So, if you really truly want to keep your boyfriend, you are going to have to forgive him for what he did in the past. Learning how forgive him is a lot more difficult to do than it is to say, which is why I am going to suggest you work with a counselor. I think you have been trying to change your behavior on your own for a while. You haven't had much success doing it on your own. I think you might have more success working with a professional. A counselor will be able to help you come up with the tools and skills so you can change your behavior. ~~ Lori

• - posted by:Marcelina Hardy

I don't know how long it is before you're expected to graduate, move in with your boyfriend and get married, so I don't know if the timing is the underlying issue or if it is something else. I think you and your boyfriend need to have a conversation and see if together you can get to the bottom of what is going on.

My suggestion would be to limit your online talking as soon as either of you starts getting angry or frustrated and take your conversation off-line. When you talk online, you can't pick up with non-verbal cues such as signs, crying, frustration, etc. As a result, online conversations can lead to misread and misunderstanding. By limiting your online communication, you increase the likelihood of working out the real issues. ~~Lori

• - posted by:Marcelina Hardy

Let me start by saying there is no 'right' way to handle your situation. What will be right is what you feel most comfortable doing. All indications are that this guy friend and you are moving in the same direction of flirting and talking. You have said that, we both know our feelings towards each other. If that is the case, then why is the relationship stuck? It would seem to me that if you both shared your interest in pursuing a relationship the two of you would be soaring to new heights. So something has gotten lost in translation.

My thinking is that you can do nothing and wait for your friend to finally ask you out. If patience is not a virtue for you, then I would suggest you handle things one of two ways. You could be bold and ask him to do something with you, go out, go to a party, etc. Or, you could revisit the 'sharing of feelings'. Doing so would give you both an opportunity to clarify not only your feelings for each other and clarify the desire to see the relationship progress as well. This last clarification is the 'hint, hint' ask me out you need. After all, how can the relationship progress without going out?

In the end, the choice is yours and all will likely lead to the same result. ~~Lori

• - posted by:Marcelina Hardy

You, like so many other women, want to know the 'secret' to getting guy to fall in love with you. Here's the thing, guys like a challenge; they lose interest quickly in woman who are too available, woman that wait around for them and women whose lives revolve around them. I fear that since you are so head-over-heels in love with this guy, you are coming across to him as needy and desperate.

If you want to gain this guy's interest and attention, you're going to have to be less available to him and behave as though you are not interested. This means ignoring him and focusing your attention on other things and other people. The best way to do this is to get involved in school activities and relationships with people where you can be center of attention. If he sees that 'others' like you and are interested in, he will look at you differently. ~~Lori

• - posted by:Marcelina Hardy

From your question it sounds like you were looking for some confirmation from the woman you met on the internet that she was interested in getting to know you better. I think you got confirmation by her meeting with you and returning your messages initially. But you wanted more; you wanted her to initiate contact. Rather than talk with her about this, you ignored her preferring to take a wait and see approach. The problem with this approach is she may have taken your ignoring her as a lack of interest on your part.

Now some time has gone by and you're left wondering what her silence really means. Here's my thought, I am going to say that while there was some interest initially on her part, the interest was not intense. There could be for several reasons for this. One reason could be that as a single mother and an older and wiser dater, she knows there is more to a relationship than intense chemistry. Another explanation could be that the communication between the two of you was not clear so she mis-read your silence. Of, she could have picked up some missed signals on your part and assumed some things about you that are not accurate.

My suggestion is that if you are not that excited about this woman; take her silence as lack of interest and more on. If on the other hand you are very interested, then call her. Tell her you felt a connection and would like to get to know her better. Then ask her if she is interested. Sure you are taking a risk letting her know how you feel, but any relationship worth having is worth taking a risk on. Whether she feels the same way about you is secondary to your knowing that when given the opportunity you are willing to take the risk on love. ~~Lori

• - posted by:Marcelina Hardy