LoveToKnow Dating:AllComments

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Very confused in love,

First off, you need to end your relationship with your boyfriend. You aren't doing him or yourself any good staying with him and sleeping with other men. If you cannot afford to leave him, you may want to look over your finances, look into getting a place to live with a roommate and make any other changes in your life that will make it possible for you to break up with your current boyfriend.

As for the first man you had sex with, it sounds as though he was just looking for some fun and not a relationship. If you want to see him again and want it to be casual, wait until he contacts you now.

As for your ex -- if you are sleeping with him when you meet up than that is probably all that he is really concerned about right now. If you want to pursue a relationship with him, you will need to tell him that and stop sleeping with him. If you aren't having sex with him, it's time to sit him down and ask him what his intentions are for calling you all the time (whether as a friend or wanting to start dating you again).

Treat yourself well and good luck to you.

-- Contributed by: Marcelina Hardy

Im living with my bf right now but he doesn't excite me anymore! want to leave him but i can not afford being alone financially!i end up cheating on him. I met a guy, we slept together for the first date i was really attractive to him. he told me that he likes me a lot. so we went out again he brought me to his house in had sex he even gave me a nice victoria secret gift. now i felt closer to him. all i can think is him i think Im in love. but i Im not sure if he feels the same cos, he doesn't text or call often. sometimes if i don't hear from him for 3 days I text him. so what do you think should i cut him lost or what? i like him a lot. sex was really good. DO YOU THINK HE FEELS THE SAME THE WAY I FELT FOR HIM?

2) my ex that i was In love before, he called me on in off, he has a living girlfriend right now, but he calls me from out of the blue that hes breaking up with the current girlfriend in wanting to comeback with me. but this is been going on for about 3 years! sometimes he disappear for a few months then from out of the blue he would call that he still missis me, he still loves me, blah, blah, he would promise everything of what woman want to hear. because i till love him. i got excited in holding my hope to be with him. just recently i received a call from him, he said he would call me in 3 weeks coz he wanted to end his relationships with her current girlfriend. what should i do? Im confused! should i keep entertain his calls or just let him go. i don't know what to do do. do you think my ex-still love me?

-- Contributed by: very confused inlove

"Before uncovering the reasons behind the question, why do men lie about cheating, we need to understand where it starts."(actually we don't need to know where it starts - we need to hold them accountable and walk away from them to end it)

"Where does it begin?" It begins with dishonesty and lack of self control on HIS part. It begins with women deserve better men and if one would stand up and hold them accountable many might stop finding it acceptable to behave that way and lie about it.

Why on earth would you want to date someone who has both qualities?

Tammy, you don't need to "prove accusations", you need to begin to really love yourself and trust your own instincts. He is being abusive and putting the blame on you? What kind of man is that?

You need to take a good look art yourself and remember if at age 10 when you dreamed about your awesome guy and getting married someday - this cheating, abusive, selfish creep was what you dreamed about? No, so get his ass out the door and get off your couch, look at why you were attracted to this type of guy in the first place, and then enjoy your life without him so you can EVENTUALLY actually meet someone worth your time.

If you don't love yourself first, no one will know how to treat you. If you accept even one bad treatment it will continue. Get some boundaries girl! You can do it!

-- Contributed by: Shari

Tammy, thanks for the question. It's hard to say for sure if your boyfriend is cheating. The evidence raises suspicions for sure, but doesn't prove anything conclusively. It does sound like your boyfriend is highly sexual, which raises the chances that he will seek sex with other women. It is possible that he wants to try new things sexually but thinks you won't be interested. You might consider asking if he wants to use the video recorder (if you can keep the tape) or try those new toys and see what his reaction is. If you still suspect he is cheating, try and show up unexpectantly sometime when you know he will be home. You might also consider getting a new boyfriend...not all men are cheaters.

-- Contributed by: Rick Fulks

Hi, I need to learn how to "prove" my accusations every time they get denied. Over 5 years I have found so so many damning things without a doubt that I don't think he wanted me to find. His responses are getting more and more abusive. He says I should be committed, and that I'm paranoid. A few things that are "visual" proofs are: 1. Text messages(many) Wanna "F*ck?" 2. My sex toys in places they shouldn't be. (He says he was cleaning them) along with new toys I have never seen before. 3.) Various female items in his car, and in his home. And he always has his video recorders out and handy. But he never records around me. My question is: How can I be wrong about everythin? Not one time has he admitted to anything. Could he be having a secret sex side of him? Is it possible to get the truth out of him? If so, how? Thank-you.

-- Contributed by: Tammy Sager
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