LoveToKnow Dating:AllComments

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As a friend, all you can do is be there for her and support her. She needs someone to lean on during this very difficult time in her life. If he is pursuing legal actions against her, it's probably best that she seek out legal guidance herself. She is most likely experiencing emotional trauma from this so speaking to a professional such as a therapist could help too.

-- Contributed by: Marcelina Hardy

ok i have a good friend who's ex boyfriend is using the legal system to just destroy her in all aspects of her life, he will stop at nothing,it is devastating. what should she do or what can i do to help her. false restraining orders against her because she found out he was sleeping with prostitutes and transgender men. Its crazy. please anyone help.

-- Contributed by: friend of a friend

The simple fact is when you are involved with someone, you are also involved with their family. You cannot force him to choose between you and his family. You can support him. You can talk to him. You can see how he feels about it and then you have to decide whether this is something you can live with you. Thanks for visiting Love To Know Dating and good luck!

-- Contributed by: HVLong

I've been dating this guy for four years. I was engaged to him; but I had to put it on hold. His family is always asking him for help; and they never do nothing for themselves. It's like I come second. When he didnt have a job, no money, and nowhere to stay. Nobody cared for him; but my family and I. Now that he has a good job; everybody want him to take care of them. And he just got a new car and everyone wants to use it. He hasn'nt had timne to enjoy it yet. The family does'nt come visit or call the house phone. He has to go over to their house or they call his cell phone. I think his family is tearing our relationship apart.

-- Contributed by: Enter your name here

Koolaid 007,

She may enjoy the casual dating experience you two seem to have going right now. You might want to bring up the topic of exclusively dating the next time you meet up with her. If she is not ready for a commitment, there's not much you can do. Good luck to you!

-- Contributed by: Marcelina Hardy

I've been talking/seeing this gorl for a few weeks. I just made the situation totaly diffferent by kissing her last week. I've never had an actual girlfriend, just friends with bennifets. I want to date this girl, and she is always throwing out sexual inuendo, this dream she had about us sleeping togather. also when I kissed her she was laughing when i said to give me another one. she said 1 turns into many kisses. So what can i do to make her want to date?

-- Contributed by: koolaid_007

Help me help us,

Let us know some of the problems you are having and we can try to help you find some information that may help your relationship. In the meantime, have you tried our Relationship Advice section?

-- Contributed by: Marcelina Hardy

I've been in a relationship for 7 months and we are having difficulty in a couple areas.Can you help me help us?

-- Contributed by: Help me help us

Young and Dumb,

Yes, you need to end this poor relationship and stop hanging on to him. While you may feel it will hurt him to break up, you have already emotionally and sexually broken up with him. Stringing him along is even more hurtful and disrespectful then simply ending it.

-- Contributed by: Debbie Vasen

hello, ive been with my boyfriend for 6 years going on 7. i started dating him when i was 16 and he was 19. im now 22 and lately ive been feeling different. i think a lot about my future and success to me is my number one goal. throughout my relationship i've felt like ive been stopped from things that i love doing. for example, i'm a dancer and a dance choreographer but i have stopped because my boyfriend didnt seem to like the idea. i am also interested in becoming a flight attendant simply because i am attracted to it. but i havent pursued that career because of him. and i understand him,choosing that career is tough because it considers constantly traveling and it will ruin the relationship. but lately ive been feeling like all my life i've been stopped from what i want to do. i dont want to be 30 years old and regret of not doing things. im still young but i dont want to have that state of mind. i want to go out there and do it. figure out what i want in life, figure out more about myself. i talked to my boyfriend, and we were in a point of breaking up, which i felt ready for it. but hes not. hes not mentally or emotionally ready. he has goals for himself and he includes me in it. and its selfish of me not including him. another thing i have to mention...throughout my 6 year relationship, i have cheated on him. ive slept with 6 guys. i promised myself to stop and change the way i am, and i tried my hardest to put all my effort in my relationship. and in my heart i felt like i was doing fine. but as of right now, im still sleeping with a guy. when it comes to our intimacy, im not physically turned on. i dont like having sex with him. i always come with an excuse of not wanting to. and when we do, i tell him to rush. we also talked about this before...sometime last year. we wanted to talk to a councelor. but i thought it was going to be useless. when i have sex with the other men, i do get aroused and i do reach the point of orgasm. in my heart i know im hurting him, and the fact t hat he doesnt know hurts me the most. hes a great guy. any woman would love to have him. but i feel like maybe i got in this relationship too soon. hes ready to settle down. and im not. im barely trying to figure out what i want. im so confused. i really dont want to hurt him anymore...and i know i will keep doing what im doing. do you believe is best to end my relationship and figure out what i want in my life? please help...thank you f or your time :-)

-- Contributed by: young and dumb

Confused--I think his possibly fathering a child is the secondary issue. The real question is whether you want to continue having him in your life? Constantly fighting over little things is no way to live. Once you work out your feelings for him, then it will easier to decide about the possible child. If you decide that you want to continue in the relationship, I suggest the two of you see a marriage and family therapist. He or she should be able to give you some suggestions and tips that will hopefully result in less fights. It would also be a good forum in which to discuss your hurt feelings. A few thoughts for you to think about. I understand your hurt feelings about him sleeping with this other woman. It sounds like he didn't purposely seek this woman out. Alcohol shouldn't be an excuse for actions, but people do dumb things when drunk. As for visiting the child, your first obligation is to your own kids. If having this child visit is going to confuse or otherwise harm your own kids, then don't do it. That said, if he is the father, he will likely want have this child in his life, which means you either have to accept that he has another child, or you just don't see him on weekends when he has the child. Relationships require work but don't be afraid to start over as well. I hope your decision brings you peace and happiness.

-- Contributed by: Rick Fulks

I have been with the same guy for 11 years, we have 2 kids together! We love each other alot, we just seem to fight over little stupid things. Alot of these fights begin over him feeling as if I do not trust him like I should. I do, however, know that he trusts me completely. We have seperated a few times, the last time was last November- mid December. During the time we were separated, apparently this girl that a friend of a friend knows possibly took advantage of my then ex. She is due in two weeks, she doesn't know who the dad is, she says one of five guys, but she thinks that they slept together that night. Everybody was to drunk! He continually tells me that there is no possibility that the kid is his, but I know that it is best to wait rather than get my hopes up!!! I guess I should tell you that we have been back together since January! What my question is, is should I feel upset or should I just blow it off and go with things? He said that if the kid would happen to be his, then he wanted to know if I think that we should take that kid every- other weekend. My kids are 3 and 1 so it is not like I'm not used to having babies around. Its more about the fact that I feel hurt. He is giving me my space to decide rather or not I can handle being with him despite all of this going on. So should I just get over it, cause I am being stupid about things? Or am I better off ending the relationship, because he messed up, and I don't deserve all of this?

-- Contributed by: confused with love

Emma, I think its wonderful that you are in love but honestly there will be extra struggles continuing down the relationship path with him. Since he wants some time to sort things out I suggest you give him whatever space he needs for that, even though it may be hard for you. If after some time has passed you both want to continue on the marriage track, then I highly recommend you do counseling together. If the two of you work through his struggles you may end up with a great relationship, but realize it could be quite rocky as well. I hope both of you find happiness, whether with each other or someone else.

-- Contributed by: Rick Fulks

Teresa, its possible that he hides information about his past so that women will still get to know him. Many would be turned off if they knew upfront that he has been divorced twice and has a 12 year old, whether that is fair or not. That said, it is also not good to have a relationship built on hiding secrets. You have to decide if you will give him a pass on this information. If you let it go, be watchful for other hidden things. As for his internet dating, are you sure he is in love as you seem to be? Six weeks is not a very long time and he may be assuming that the two of you are just dating right now instead of being in a committed relationship. Until the two of you make a committment to not date anyone else, his dating other women is not cheating. Have the two of you discussed this or are you just assuming? I suggest talking with him to determine if he views the relationship the same way you do.

-- Contributed by: Rick Fulks

I am in love with a gorgeous man and I know that he is in love with me. We have known each other for over 6 years. Recently he told me that he had loved me for years. I never really realised this until last year as I just thought we had a very special friendship whereby we would ring or text each other, email daily and meet for coffee when we could. He couldn't wait to tell his parents about me and for me to meet them. He said that we were 'Soulmates' and and that he had never ever felt this happy in his life! He has been unwell for a long period of time and his condition is getting worse daily. He is taking a ...tail of prescribed drugs daily for severe back pain which causes terrible side affects,he is also on anti-depressants. He is at risk of losing his job and fears he may also lose his house. He has a son who he has brought up on his own. He is also incredibly depressed and says that he does not feel that he deserves to be loved and blames himself for ruining every realtionship in his life. He has now pushed me away because of the way he feels even though over the past weeks we have talked about our love for each other, marriage, finding somewhere to live to start afresh and having children together. We have both been so happy even though there have been bad times with his health. We have laughed daily, shared intimate moments and just enjoyed being together as couples should be. He never wanted me to leave! He has previously been through counselling and has not had genuine love in any part of his life until now! He was abandoned by his mother as a baby and cheated on by his wife who then abandoned her own son. A very rocky, cheating and un-trusting relationship with his previous girlfriend - they split up at a few months ago and she has continued to contact him, he is confused as he says he still has feelings for her. It doesn't help that we were seeing each other almost 2 weeks before he ended it with her and I think he feels a certain amount of guilt! He now wants to be on his own whilst he trys to sort his head out and work out his feelings! Our relationship is based on love and not just sex as in his previous relationships. He says that he has never had feelings like this for anyone before and I think it scares him. I love this man with all my heart. I really am not sure what to do and feel pretty helpless. I would be grateful for any advice you can give me.

-- Contributed by: Emma

Hi, I'm 34 and my boyfriend 46. Been seeing each oter for 6 weeks. Yes, we are in love but I have just found out (not from him) that he has actually been married twice (not just once as he told me) and that he has a 12 year old daughter (no, he didnt mention this either). He's also (according to the source)on a few dating websites at the same time and will see other women even thought we are dating. What should I do? I've confronted him and he said YES there are a few things that he didnt tell me which is why he is taking me away for Easter - yes, he has mentioned that he has some things to tell me. Do I believe him? Do I give him the benefit of doubt? What about the internet dating site stuff? How do I handle this? Not sure what to do. Oh, I have a son aged 5 which dear boyfriend knows about and has accepted with open arms. Help! T

-- Contributed by: Teresa de Lorm

Ana, thanks for the question. Before worrying about what your ex-boyfriend wants, ask yourself what you want. Do you still love him or have feelings for him--would you like to be back in a relationship with him? If you don't want to, then there is no need to worry about him, regardless of what he is saying to you. On the other hand, if you want him back, you should let him know this. But, make it clear that you don't want him having two girlfriends. Continue talking with him as needed so he can sort out his feelings for you vs. his new girlfriend, but don't start dating him again until he makes a decision.

-- Contributed by: Rick Fulks

Linda, thanks for the question. Reading your description of your relationship, I have to ask why you want to keep the relationship going? It doesn't sound like either one of you is very happy. So, the first thing to do is ask yourself why do you want to stay with him? Do you think the relationship can be improved, or are you just afraid of breaking up? If you decide to work on your relationship, try talking with him. Talk about why you fight and why you call each other names. Arguing is often the result of lack of communication. People get frustrated about something they haven't talked about and it leads to a fight. Bring things out calmly through communication before an argument starts.

-- Contributed by: Rick Fulks

Hi my name is ana and im having trouble on a current thing. My ex boyfriend has a girlfriend and he recently told me he still loves me and all this other stuff, thing is he's confused on what he wants, whether its me or the other girl. what should i do?

-- Contributed by: Ana

Hey my name is Linda and i am having trouble with my relationship. We argue all the time, we call each other names, and we get on each others nerves. We need help. I don't want our relationship to end like this. I want us to stop doing this. Can you please help us

-- Contributed by: Linda
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