LoveToKnow Dating:AllComments

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Hi Leah,

It's difficult to let someone go when all things point you to saying no but you're hear won't let you. You know the reasons why he isn't the right guy for you or you won't be looking up how to let go of a bad relationship. Hold on to these reasons by writing them down. Anytime you find yourself weak and wanting to go back to him, pull out your list of reasons. Limit time spent with him and ignore any contact from him...with time, you'll be able to separate your heart from him. Good luck.

-- Contributed by: Marcelina Hardy

Hi, I was in a relationship for 1 year, my boyfriend cheated on me with his friend's wife, and i left his house 2 months ago, I am studying and he came to me again, he is 13 years older and he always says that I cant live and support by myself. I am back with him and by now everything is fine, just i want an advise because I think that he is going to do the same thing when he feels secure about me.

-- Contributed by: Leah

Hi Pagan,

You want him because you hope that he will someday change and be the man that you want him to be. Unfortunately, that is not going to happen and you have to believe that. You need to know that he will not change and he will continue to hurt you as long as you let him.

I understand that you feel guilty for having your son see you in this unhealthy relationship. Not all hope is lost though. You can show your son that you will not stand to be treated this way by getting away from your boyfriend. Stand up for yourself and your son. Your son also does not need to see that it's okay to treat women the way that your boyfriend treats you. It will be difficult but it's important that you make some changes in your life and in your son's life.

Good luck with this difficult transition...

-- Contributed by: Marcelina Hardy

My 4 year relationship started out with this guy caring for my son who is now going on 4. He would show fatherly care but as the relationship went on he started to put his hands on me and mentally abuse me, then he started to do it in front of my son and my son would try to protect me and he would get hurt. I know this guy does'nt care about neither one of us. He has cheated on me so many times and I would take him back. I just don't get why knowing that nothing good will come from this I still want him. I have so much guilt. HOw do I reverse the damage I caused with my son? I feel like I've something wrong to why he treats me this way. Why do I still want him when I know he does'nt want me?

-- Contributed by: pagan

Lejla,

A relationship is about give and take. It sounds like you are giving a lot but your boyfriend isn't holding up his side of the relationship. At this point, it may be a good idea to talk to him about how you are feeling and see where he stands. If he is unwilling to work on the relationship and give as much as you have and do...it may in your best interest to break up and find someone who will make you happy. Good luck!

-- Contributed by: Marcelina Hardy

I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 months by tomorrow. In the beginning of our relationship everything was going really great! He showed me lots of love and i did the same to him too. But now things have been going pretty bad..I'm actually 17 and hes 20. (21 in September). And he works 8 hours a day. 3pm-11pm. I'm in school 8am-3:30pm. And I work 4 days a week. I only get to see him on weekends and never on week days. In April i haven't seen him for a month! Because his work got really busy and he had to work...everything is going really bad only because I'm unhappy on how he never has time for me..he had time for me in the beginning of the relationship..but now he hardly ever has time for me only on Saturdays..i want him to have more time for me but i don't know what to do any more..cuz all we do now is fight..and i thought he would be the one for me but with this situation i dont know what to do cuz its to hard for me to handle. I stay up everyday at 2am the latest talking to him when he gets off of work cuz thats the only time he has time to talk to me..and i wake up 6:30 in the morning. And this happens everyday. Im getting overwhelmed..i barely have a good sleep and im always tired cranky and sick...and now im just getting depressed..i just want help...i just don't know what to do...plz help before i get even more sick and depressed...

-- Contributed by: Lejla

have had a long distance relationship for the past 3 years. He lived in Manchester i live in london. I met him on internet dating, he was an asylum seeker and had nothing to his name. I loved him for what he was as a person. I have one daughter who is grown up and i am divorced. He was 10 years younger then me. A non practising muslim from Iraq. I am non muslim

He was living with friends in a house and i had been there once. He used to tell me he did not feel comfortable when went there with his friends around. We decided that he would come to London and that when he gets his own place i could go then. I always felt uncomfortable, that i could not go. I used to wonder what is he hiding.

He used to text me everynight and speak every couple of days. He was a chef and work late. He got stay in this country a year ago and did not use me for anything. I was always scared that when he gets everything he would leave me. That is exactly what happened, he got a council place and i went there before xmas. When i was there he felt uncomfortable holding my hand as we walked throught Manchester shopping centre. when he was in London with me he was ok.

I felt ill i had to have a big operation he never come to see me at the hospital could not take a day off. He phoned my house to see how it went.

Just before Xmas he said he wanted space and that he could not text me everynight and that if he does not that i should not worry. I used to worry that if something happened to him i would not know. I had already been abandon once in a relationship.

He hate to talk to me on his day off but when i met him first he told me he had never had a girlfriend and that i was his first and that he was a virgin. He performed really well so i used to question him. That I could mould him.

If i phoned him he hated when i would ring couple of times as i would get worried when there was no answer. I had a big arguement with him and he told me that his feelings have changed and that he does not love me the way he did. I felt hurt, and i did beg his not to break the relationship as i did not want carry the pain of being hurt. After he told me his feelings have changed we still spoke on the phone and i said i need a proper closure so we decide to meet. I got ill so I cancelled it and then he told me to let him know when i want to next meet him. I was suspose to meet him Monday just gone. He wanted to come to London for few hours then he would go home. I would of met him at a railway station. He made out that he did not want me to travel from Manchester as i would be upset after the meeting and he did not want to feel responsible.

I was scared and feeling very low and i had operation last year i was still in pain. I said to him i am in two minds. Anyway I decide to see if he really cares. He phoned me on Saturday before the 10 February I never answered the phone. He text and rang me until Monday morning i did not answer. He knew i am still in a lot of pain after my op as it was not successful. He has not even bother to phone after that and ask how I am. Anything could of happened, he has my home number even though he rang on my mobile. I am very upset, I dont know what to do, should i contact him or not. He does not believe in Valentine day either.

If he wanted just to be my friend he should still be concerned.

Joined : Apr 12, 2008

-- Contributed by: need help please

I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 years and i still dont know him completly well at first it was great i always wanted to be with him.but then the love just left i think it was because of his abusive comments towards me.etc well to cut the story short i dont want to be with him anymore we have nothing in common and it seems like when we do hang out its just sex and nothing more but when i tell him its better for us to our separte ways he goes insane and starts threating me. what should i do?

-- Contributed by: Jessica

i sort of identify with the feelings sera experiences - longing, insecurity and emptiness. the first time he cheated, he went to a prostitute who blew him he says for only one minute then he sobered up enuf to stop her and flee. i forgave him and actually forgot about it. The second time was almost a year later, we had a fight and i went to my friends for the night because i needed to clear my head. He said that he was sure it was over so he went and had a threesome one night stand...i forgave him, but i think i did so too fast. its now coming back to me - he did it in my car, he bought it for me, and everytime i am in it, i feel like someone is squeezing my heart with their bare hand. I dont think i have ever felt this much pain about anything ever in my life. I now see it as it is - a betrayal of my love and lack of respect for me...do i have a cheat in my life? and do the bitter feelings ever go away completely or are they pangs i will have to live with so long as i am with him?

all i ever think of nowadays is how much i should leave him but have never summoned the guts to - should i?

-- Contributed by: pixie
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