LoveToKnow Dating:AllComments

From LoveToKnow Dating

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great culture

-- Contributed by: bheemis

Yea, my muslim boyfriend is converting to sikhism for me. love. <3

-- Contributed by: Mande

Gabby's post does have a decent point to be made, which is that if your American and going to marry an Indian, for the love of God, make sure they are not an extremely conservative Indian.

In the west, you have the concept of the father giving the daughter away at the wedding. The same is done in India, the difference is that in India, it's for real (even more so if the family is conservative), and in America, it's largely tradition done at the wedding with no real action behind it.

Gabby's sister appears to have married a very elitist Brahmin man and should have been well aware of what her married life to have been was like before getting married. Dating is supposed to weed undesirables out.

One of the key points of the article was common ground. Religiously and culturally. Not matching either of those can end up a very bad decision.

-- Contributed by: Arun

I read this article and it still has'nt convinvced me that in the Indian culture they don't date or courtship is prohibited. There is alot of dating going on in India and the funny thing is it's not something that can be passed on from generation to generation. For example, if i was to find my perfect soul mate whose intelligent, attractive, and has not dated any womwn in his life who is Indian(not born in India or even Indian -American(Parents born in India and he is raised here), no such thing could exist.If I had offspring(chilren to those who don't know aka progeny), my children would try and date and they'd pass it on to their children. In reality, it won't happen. Children who have parents who are Indian when I ever have a family could actually try to date.

-- Contributed by: Teena

There are some interesting comments here. I have to say this, Indian men or no different from American men. In the end we all want to have sex with many women and will generally marry the best woman for us.

Consider how many sexual partners people go through in the west. And the usual excuses to end it are "She was too possessive," "She didnt give me space," or my favorite, "it just wasnt working out." The bottomline is that if someone doesnt want to be with you, does it matter what the excuse is? At that point it doesnt matter, indian or white, they are simply doing what biology has always done.

Now I agree that lying and deceiving is wrong. And if these men are getting women to sleep with them based on false promises of marriage, that is despicable. And I feel ashamed that Indian men to do this.

But I think some of the women here also need to share the blame. Dont view us Indian men as marriage machines. Dont think that because white guys want to screw around, you will find salvation in Indian guys. We are all the same. We want to screw around too. So date us because you like us, not because you think this is a quicker path to marriage.

And trust me if he wants you, family or faith will be no barrier. I know of a MUSLIM indian man that married a MORMON woman and then converted! Imagine that!

-- Contributed by: Nahasimapetalon

Don't do it, I've seen such a marriage from close proximity. My sister married an Indian man who seemed to be quite educated and enlightened. In order to be "allowed" the honor of marrying into a high caste Indian family, she has given up her religion and culture. They both work, she takes up the burden of the responsibility. Indian culture dictates every decision they make. The children have Indian names and will be raised uniculturally, even though they are half American, and also happen to live in America. It is a purely external culture, none are proficient in Hindi nor Sanskrit (apparently most Indians are not). When the Indian mama calls, they drop everything, even social appointments with the other side of the family. Think again, no one deserves to be subjected to Indian cultural Xenophobia while living in their own country.

-- Contributed by: Gabby

Leana, sorry to hear that your Indian man is not getting close to you. I suspect it is because he's moving. You can see if he is interested in having a long distance relationship, but that is a really long distance.

-- Contributed by: Rick Fulks

I actually just fell in love with an Indian man and I have never been so confused in all my life. It seems that he really likes me but he does not want to get close to me at all. I'm not sure if its the fact that I am asian and not of the same race, culture, and religion or if its because he's moving back to Bombay/Mumbai in a couple months. Though many men are trying to pursue me, he's just so different and he's the one I really want, but it seems that he doesn't want to get close. All your comments really help..atleast I know I'm not the only who got seduced by the Indian men charm.

-- Contributed by: Leana

I have to agree with foolforIndian men. I'm an Indian woman, and I've had Indian men tell me to my face that white women are "easy" and how they're only good for sex and not marriage. To a white woman's face, they're obviously not going to share their true feelings. Of course, an Indian will tell his white girlfriend that he's serious about her to keep her wrapped around his finger. I see white women falling for Indian men all of the time, and believing their lies only to find out that their beloved Indian boyfriend is secretly engaged to a woman from India.

People are tricky and will put on whatever act they can to fool you or to get you to do what they want. Since I'm Indian, my Indian male friends will tell me how they truly feel about white women. Even my own mom tells me that white women have no morals, yet she acts very sweet to white people's face.

-- Contributed by: IndianGirl

Very good insight, indeed. To the woman who commented before, have you tried dating more "westernized" Indian men? In my experience, they are more modern-thinking and open to suggestion - not to be confused with submissiveness. I have met many of these men and they are every bit as charming, respectful and romantic as our favorite romance novel heros ;-)

-- Contributed by: Janelle

I tend to agree with the notion of Indian men dating Western women for fun is true. I have dated Indian men for the past 2 years. I have been seduced into thinking they are committed by their talk of wanting marriage and aggressive nature to wooing me. The fact remains, they all end it with me with the excuse of their parents not accepting the match. I think that Indian men have it set that they will marry an Indian women to not upset their parents and date white women like me to get experience and maybe sow their wild oats before they have to settle down when their parents start to pressure them. I have been told by the guys that it would be too much stress on me and the relationship between him and his parents to get married, he wouldn't want me be unhappy. I think it's an excuse they use to get what they want for however long they want it for and then dump you when it gets to heavy. Some Indian men are good, don't get me wrong, but there are some that are either too cowardly to stand up to their parents and say this is whom I choose to marry/be with and take the risk that it will turn out for the best. My friend has a husband now that waited until after they married to tell his family, and in the end it turned out fine. To all you Indian guys that want to be with Western women for a meaningful, committed relationship/marriage, don't let fear control you, take a risk and be with what your heart desires, there is no shame in that.

-- Contributed by: FoolforIndianMen

some good comments,i believe that if 2 people are attracted to each other then they should be out there doing some old fashioned dating and getting to know each other without pressure.if this is a success and they fall in love then they can be stronger in spirit and happy going into marraige.

-- Contributed by: deebon

Dear Miri,

One year is not enough time for any man to know if he wants to marry you weather he be indian or not, and you are stereo typing all indian men to say in so many word that "indian men do fool around with American women, but not with the intent on marrying them." From your writing alone I can tell that you are still young and immature, so perhaps you are just looking for love a bit too soon in your life. The fact that the man you were involved was indian had to be only more difficult because he did not take you serious, not because his parents didn't agree. In most indian families believe it or not, a boy has more say so than a girl about doing what ever he wants to do. Call it a third world thing but it is true. Indian parents would rather see their son marry an American girl than have theri daughter marry an American man, even if that man makes lots of money. If dating your indian boyfriend was difficult for you and he broke it off, know that he did so only because he was being a player and not so much because his parents had much say about it. True, his parents would much rather him marry one of his own, but if he had his heart set on marrying you believe me they would be there to support him over their daughter doing the same thing. I would advise you not to give up hopes on dating indian men if that so interest you, but just be sure that the man you date feels that same about you as you feel about him before you sleep with him, that can be said about any man you date. But make sure you get him to show a sign of commitment to you first by standing up to his parents with a claim of his love for you. They may disagree at first, but if he truly loves you he will know that you are worth it in the end.

-- Contributed by: Angelo

Religious differences are not an issue if both partners are open mineded and respectful of one another's faiths. Often relgious tentions erupts in inter racial couples only if one of the partners trys to "change" the other person's faith by making them convert to their religion. If a couple goes into their relationship knowing that the true beauty behind their union "is the fact that they are different from one another" and does not try and change that person, then marriage between an indian woman or man with a Christian man or woman is possible so I do not agree with what you said. People must have the understanding that there are far more things in this world which they do not know and understand and it is very arrigant for one to believe that their faith is the only true answer especially if they haven't opened up their minds to learn from others around them as well. I have dated many women who were indian. Some where Christian and some were Hindi but I have found that we all believe in a heaven and hell so why does it matter in "how we chose to get there?" you can not change a person, only they can do that on their own according to how they believe in something, but love has no limits to faith, race, or tradition I am living proof of that. It's all about being open minded to new things and both couples sharing in each others wisdom that a marriage between two people of opposite faiths can indeed work.

-- Contributed by: Angelo

YES indian men do date other cultures, but usually the intentions of marriage isnt in that path if they were to date outside ofthe culture... if were so of marriage with the other culture, it is a complicated situation..trust me i know.. i'm not indian and was dating an indian guy for over a year and we had to stop seeing each other due to culture differences and everything. =*( SOOO HARD..

-- Contributed by: miri

Thanks for your great question Mona. You will find your answer in Ask the Dating Coach.

-- Contributed by:

It is interesting to know how dating and marriage is handled in India.. However, In America does the Indian culture follow this Tradition!! I have a question? Do Indian man date other cultures ? And do they date single parents!

Mona

-- Contributed by:
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