LoveToKnow Dating:AllComments

From LoveToKnow Dating

Comments

Dana,

If you no longer want to be with him, you don't have to be. You need to tell him you are no longer interested in dating him and then stick to that. He should respect your feelings and give you your space. If he does not or threatens you, you should seek out help. If you fear for your safety, look into shelters in your area.

-- Contributed by: Marcelina Hardy

I have been looking around for some information about dating Indian guy.Because I am dating one, and there are situation that I dont like and I dont understand. I dont like to generalize but, now I know that is true. I am glad for the persons that have good relationships with this Indians boys. The problem is that I tried many time to broke up him but, he chasing me a lot with not reason (that is what I think), now I understand a little more is culture issue. Of course I love him, here is why I am still with him, but not happy . He hide me, no PDA of course too, not way to please me, serious, but WANT TO BE WITH ME AT THE END AND LOOKS SO HAPPY. I think I am in a problem with this boy. How to keep him away? I try all!!!! I am going to ask him to marry me then probably he will run away. . .

-- Contributed by: Dana

American Desi has some good advice. My parents were liberal and open. They had no problem with me dating and with men that arent Indians. I have dated hispanic, indian, caucasian men. I'm married to a second generation Indian man by coincidence rather than race.

I think Angelos' advice is based only on one woman.

For everyone - ask the person about their culture and what is appropriate. They will usually appreciate it.

-- Contributed by: Indian Woman

GR,

NO!!!!! This is not typical of Indian culture or religion. No religion of India (if there is such a thing) says that kind of behavior is acceptable. This is considered shocking even to other Indians. Even in India, the father would be arrested.

I've known Indians that dated outside their race without any problems.

I am married to an Indian guy that my father at first didnt approve. We communicated and worked it out. And my Indian father NEVER hit me or laid hands me. My husband is a very loving man. He treats me like an equal.

For me, years ago I dated a Caucasian American man and his cousins and brother threathened to gang rape me. So u see this isnt just specific to one race.

One rotten apple does not reflect a whole culture or group of people. I personally find your comment prejudiced, judgmental and offensive. I hope you understand.

As for your situation, I am very sorry that you have to go through this. It can be tough.

I'd advice you to have your son call law enforcement. His threats should be taken seriously. It doesnt matter whether he is Indian. He is in America and should follow the law. Actually, he could be barred from citizenship and even if he escapes to India, he may have citizenship and immigration issues if there are charges on his record. He may still face other consequences. I'm not a legal expert but thats what i think. This man has some serious personal issues.

Dont hesitate. Call the police. This is serious. I hope for the best

-- Contributed by: Indian Woman

respect tradition,laws and lifestyles of each individual.

-- Contributed by: louie flores

give chances to their own individual tradition,beleif and cultures,open arrangement for its laws and life styles.

-- Contributed by: louie flores

Wow! My family has had a complete "eye-opening" experience. My son (21) has been dating an indian girl (20) for nearly 5 months. He desperatly wanted to meet her family because, they have fallen deeply in love. She was in a situation recently where they had no choice but to reveal their relationship to the parents (caught saying hello to each other). The father has since banned any further contact from my son and has told him he will kill him if he catches him anywhere near her. And, he said if shel leaves, he will burn down or blow up his building (motel) and return to India without any consequence in America. Is this type of reaction typical? Of course she has secretly phoned my son from her work but says she fears for her life and his. She also stated her father has hit her. Is this also a typical reaction? My family is in quizzical wonder over a religion or culture that could be so harsh and unyielding. We don't know what advise to give to her or our son.

-- Contributed by: GR

To avoid Angelo's unfortunate experience, I suggest asking the woman early in dating how her family would feel about interracial dating, and even dating in general. It will probably take her longer than the average girl to tell her family about you. However, if it takes years, especially if you are "serious," something is wrong. Her parents biggest fears will be that you will destroy their culture (and their daughter's and future grandkids sense of it), that you will put them in a nursing home. If they are from the old country, they may be openminded or they may be downright unreasonable...you never know until you meet them, and the girl should give you her thoughts about her parents. I expect it's fair for her parents to be aware of your existence after about 6 to 12 months. Any longer than a year is not fair, although if the girl is not open with her family, it may be difficult for her. When you meet them, show respect for the family's traditions, ask the girl if there is are any particular guidelines to follow. If you offer to clean dishes, her mother may love you for not being a typical lazy Indian guy!

-- Contributed by: American desi woman

Everything Angelo said is partially true and partially false. I'm an indian women who has spend most of her life in India. I'm dating an american man for past two years. When we met, my boyfriend parent knew about me from the begining, my parents didn't. I always take time to tell my parents about my relationship. Thats how the indian society had raised me. But they did know about it in few months. I have spoken to his parents and he has spoken to my parents on many occasions. The question here is what kind to indian woman or man you want to date? Do you want to date someone who keeps you as a secret for years or do you want to date someone who is honest about relationship and proud to be with you? Well the dilema is how would you know who is open and who is not? Simply ask your girlfriend or boyfriend about how their parents feel about them dating black, white, hispanic etc, etc. if the answer is my parents don't mind who I date, then you are in good hands. If the answers is my parents are conservative/ they expect me to date someone from my religion/caste/race ... then its a very bad sign, it just implies you have lots of challenges ahead. You could be almost certain that she'll atleast break-up with you once or twice over this. Stay away from this kind of people. In my opinion once you are an adult you should take your own decisions. Everyone knows how to talk to there parents about things they want in their life. Also, it doesn't matter if you are first generation or 2nd indian, I have seen many american indian who are resistant to their children dating american or just dating. Lot of indian families doesn't really believe in dating, they would rather have an arrange marriage for financial, cultural or social reasons. Its a one person for life concept, not much room for choosing.

-- Contributed by: neha

the question is to vague to be properly answered. lori had it right, what kind of indian is she? you gotta rememeber there are over 1.3 billion indians walking god's green earth. they're not all the same and they don't always view each other as equals. if I had to give you a rule it would be very simple: If you don't know, ask her. (correct again lori) I'm 100% Sindhi, thats all the clout you need. Not all releationships with indian girls have to be a secret, that was just your experience angelo. It's a different ball game back in India though (or if the girl your interested in is a FOB). The rules may also differ depending on what race or ethnicity you are in relation to the girl. oh and if you want to plug your new book, buy an advertisement banner instead off slipping it into your comment. your not helping your book

-- Contributed by: bob

Dear Lori,

I was just reading your respond to a letter someone sent you asking "are there any rules to dating an indian woman?" Although given very few details about the specifics of the writers question, I think you did in fact answer it to the best of your abilities, however, being someone who has personally dated indian women myself, I feel qualified to corectly respond to that question if you don't mind me doing so. Hello readers, my name is Angelo and I am currently writing a book about my fifteen year secrest relationship with an indian woman. It will be titled "Love Lives between Heaven & Hell" copyrighten of course, look for it in Border's bookstores soon. Not to evade from the question, Yes, writer there are in fact rules to be followed when dating an indian woman if you are an American. In fact, even if you are indian and from a different caste as here there are rules to follow. Why you may ask? because as a people most indians are divided into caste from one another and thus only want to marry their children accordinly to those of the same caste. I've read how Lori broke down indian dating and arranged marriages as for the most part I agreed but in truth most indian parents arranged marriages fo their children for financial gain, or to better their families reputation. Alot of it has more to do with politics and the economical benifits than love which is why most indians who are involved in arranged marriages often have to "learn to love" the partner they have been arranged to be with, which in my oppinion is robbing the woman of her freedom of choice to find love on her own. Younger indian's who come to America are try to break these old traditions and become more self sufficient when it comes to finding a mate and true love. However, most are usually brain washed by the parents with strict instructions to uphold their traditions even if the female should find love in an American who is not indian, which was the case with me. In the event that you should meet an indian woman who chose to go against her parents tradition you must be prepared for the outcome which is that:

1.you can't call her house (her parents will not accept you) 2.You can't go over there (again for the same reason) 3.Your relationship with her will have to be in secret

In the end, she will have to make a decission based on her love for you over her fear of her parents rejecting her for choicing you. If she truly loves you then she will be willing to run off and get married with you, but do not waste many years in doing that. If you propose to her the two of you must get married right away and be sure you are fully prepared to help take care of her as her parents will not accept her back for a short while out of their angry of her going against their wishes. But all is not lost as no parent can completly disown their child because of their childs own decissions in life. If you are a good man and take care of her and love her, it will show and in that sense it does not matter what race you are from so long as you remain a good man for her which is the reason why she fell in love with you in the first place. Love between an Indian woman and an American man can happen but know that it is a difficult strugle in most cases, yet one which can have its rewards if you both go all the way in the name of true love.

I thank you all for reading this.

-- Contributed by: Angelo
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