When Your Ex Boyfriend Finds Out Your Dating

From LoveToKnow Dating

Sometimes when your ex boyfriend finds out your dating again, he can wreck a little havoc. Let our dating coach help!

When Your Ex Boyfriend Finds Out Your Dating

Reader Question

I just started dating this guy and it turns out he is friends with an old fling. I broke it off with the fling but I think he is trying to get back at me by telling my new guy things. So my new guy is questioning my past because I never told him about the fling. I am afraid that the fling has said something. PLEASE HELP! The fling is now married but still wants to be with me while I am really into my new guy.

-- Contributed by: Just want to be happy

Expert Reply

Dear Just Want To Be Happy,

I am guessing by your question that you and the old fling have a history you’re not too proud of. Your fear that the old fling may share his knowledge of your past with the new guy may be justified. If this is the case, the new guy could be asking you questions and listening to your answers to see if your side of the story matches up with what the old fling has told him. This is nothing to worry about and perfectly natural. Answer his questions truthfully, but only answer the question asked and nothing more.

Don’t confuse honesty with being candid. When you answer questions direct and with a matter of fact attitude, you convey your lack of interest in the old fling. This will help the new guy to see that your old fling is jealous of the new relationship. Trust takes time to develop and can’t be rushed. All too often, out of a sense of guilt or defensiveness, people sometimes make the mistake of sharing much more information than is necessary. If you share the whole sorted past, you run the risk of sharing too much too soon. Keep in mind that the new guy is getting to know you. Should the new guy ask questions that are too personal, tell him. You could say something humorously like, “Hey, what’s with all the questions? I am starting to feel like you’re giving me the third degree.” By letting the new guy know that you are uncomfortable, he should respond by backing off. If this doesn’t work, keep in mind that just because he asks personal questions, you are not obligated to answer them. A good rule of thumb to follow, share only what you’re comfortable with.

There is a possibility that the new guy is just interested in getting to know you and his line of questioning is nothing more than that. He may be aware that you and your old fling know each other. His questions may reflect only his curiosity about the connection.

~~Lori

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