What are Good Flirting Tips for Girls

What are Good Flirting Tips for Girls in College?

Reader Question

I'm 18 years old and a freshman in college. I have never been on a date nor had a boyfriend. I always had crushes on guys and I would flirt with them, but they never seem to have any interest in me. I do find myself attractive. I thought things would change when I graduated from high school and starting going into college. I don't know if I’m flirting wrong or trying to hard. Can you help me please?

~~Shauntiel

Expert Reply

Dear Shauntiel,

Some people flirt naturally and others have to learn the art. Just a few decades ago flirting techniques were passed down either from mother to daughter or sister to sister. Today flirting is not the skill taught by mothers anymore, so most of the knowledge on the subject comes from entertainment. Unfortunately this industry is all about fantasy and illusion. This makes your question “I don’t know if I’m flirting wrong or trying to hard,” far more common than you might think.

Your question implies that there is a right and wrong way to flirt. While there are techniques that one could use which will send an unintended message generally there is little flirting that is wrong. In my experience, if someone is not getting the results she wants it is usually due to miscommunication. This is illustrated best in a research experiment that placed an attractive female in a bar to see what it would take to get a man to approach her. In the experiment, the woman identified a man at least 10 feet away and was observed while making eye contact with him. The female could either smile or not while making eye contact. The findings of the experiment may surprise you. The results showed that men needed a lot of coaxing. Turns out, one glance in the man’s direction was not enough to get him to approach the woman, even when a smile was added to the glance. Men, who had eye contact with the female several times in combination with a smile, were 60 percent more likely to approach her. All the other combinations worked only 20 percent of the time.

What this means for you and for most women, is that you can send the signal, but that doesn’t mean he gets the message. Men need a little more encouragement. This doesn’t mean you have to do the work for him or be aggressive. It does mean that your hints may need to be repeated. Here are three things to keep in mind when flirting.

The first is appearance. Wear clothes that are flattering. Flattering and sexy are not the same thing. Sexy shows off everything and there is no room for the imagination. Whereas flattering clothing show off your shape and enhancing your attributes. Choose clothing that fits your shape, is in colors that complement your tone, and is clean and neat. Your hair and make-up don’t have to be applied like something you’d see on the cover of Glamour, but should flatter your face and draw a person’s eye to the features you are most proud of. Make sure your teeth and breath are clean and fresh. Tip: Don’t wear perfume. Perfume is a personal preference. What smells good to you may not smell good to someone else.

Second is the use of skills. When it comes to social skill, subtlety is the key. Unfortunately some women think bigger is better. Not so. Eye contact, smiling, touching on the arm and laughing are all skills for flirting. When used in a subtle manner, they appear charming, alluring and attractive. When these same skills become staring, talking or laughing loudly, they appear fake and disingenuous. Tip: Men may not notice a woman’s interest immediately. And even if they did notice, fear of being wrong will stop them from acting quickly. So be patient. And repeat, repeat, repeat.

Finally, be charming. When you are talking with a guy and you offer compliments, talk positively about life and others, you come across as friendly, caring and likeable. Attractiveness will get you noticed, but being charming will get you asked out.

~~Lori