What To Do When You Are Both Not on the Same
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From LoveToKnow Dating

Are you wondering what to do when you're both not on the same page? If you and your partner are struggling to get along, you may not be seeing things the same. That was the case with these readers who asked this question to our Ask the Dating Coach.

What To Do When You Are Both Not on the Same Page

Reader Question

I took a trip with my girlfriend. Instead of spending time with me, she spent the majority of the time on the casino floor gambling with the friends that she had not seen in many years. I didn’t have a problem with it, but I figured she would have wanted me to meet her friends together. She also invited her roommate to go with us but clearly stated that we would be together to do things and sightsee. Instead, she spent time gambling most of the time with him. There is nothing going on with them and that is 100 percent true but I felt as though I was a third wheel. In addition, they spent much of the time conversing in their native language, which I thought was rude and improper, and it also made feel empty. I am almost ready to end it with her. Should I tell her what I am telling you? If so, how do I do so with out causing problems in the future? I really like this person and do feel that she feels the same also.

-- Contributed by: zorin

Expert Reply

Dear Zorin,

Something about your question is out of focus. It makes me wonder if you and your girlfriend view the relationship the same way. She tells you that the two of you will spend time together and sight see, but when given the chance, she chooses to spend time away from you with her roommate and her friends. You say you have no problem with her roommate, but you felt like a third wheel and thought she was rude for speaking in her native language. This does not sound like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, at least not in the traditional sense. Therefore, either the two of you are thinking about your relationship differently or your girlfriend is no longer that into you.

I think you should talk with her. Start by asking how she sees the two of you. Are you good friends or a couple? If she says you are a couple, then the talk needs to focus on the behaviors that took place during your recent trip together. Let her know what she did that hurt you. Then let her explain. A piece of advice for the future, next time your girlfriend doesn’t introduce you to the people she is talking to, don’t wait for an invitation. Walk up to the group, introduce yourself, and state your relationship. The same should go for her roommate. If anyone should feel like a third wheel, it should be him.

~~Lori

Make Him Love Me!

Reader Question

How do I make my boyfriend love me more? I know it sounds a little weird. But i just don’t think he realizes how much he means to me. Therefore, I want to mean just as much to him. I just love him so much.

-- Contributed by: How do i

Expert Reply

Dear How Do I,

I don’t think it’s weird to want to know that your boyfriend feels the same way about you as you do about him. Knowing how your guy feels about you will reinforce being on the same page with him, not to mention feeling good about the future of the relationship. What I’m not sure is why you feel that he may not love you like you love him? Is this because he doesn’t tell you how he feels about you often enough? Alternatively, perhaps he tells you how he feels about you but he doesn’t use the same words you do? For example, if you are telling him you love him and he responds by saying something less than “I love you” you may wonder if he feels as deeply about the relationship as you. Perhaps the relationship is new and he just isn’t at a place where he is ready to tell you how he feels about you, so you worry that it is not the same as you?

Love is an emotion that grows slowly and builds over time. Some individuals demonstrate their love through acts of kindness, while others are comfortable verbalizing their feelings. A question to ask, "is your boyfriend showing you rather than telling you he loves you?" A can guy show love in a variety of ways, by following through with the plans that are made, by sharing personal information about himself and by ‘doing’ things for the woman he cares about.

One important ingredient for love is trust. Trust comes when both people feel comfortable sharing feelings, dreams and their history with each other without fear of judgment or criticism. As two people share time, experiences and pleasure with each other love grows.

~~Lori

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