Unprotected Sex

Unprotected Sex Advice

Reader Question

How can you tell if a man wants to have a baby with a woman? I met a guy over a year ago and we talked about having kids at the time. I told him I wasn't on birth control and I didn't do abortions. I also stated that I didn't want to have kids without being married. When the guy and I became intimate, I told him to use condoms the first time we slept together. But, he didn't want to use condoms and said he never wants use condoms. If a man does not want to use a condom to prevent pregnancy, then he should definitely want to put a condom on to protect himself from any STDs. Why wouldn't a man want to protect from getting any STDs? Yes, he's married, but I didn't find out until later on down the line and then I let him go. So why wouldn't the guy want to wear condoms with me if he was already in a relationship when he met me?

Expert Reply

Your first question asks “How can you tell if a man wants to have a baby with a woman?” The answer is he says, “Yes,” when asked if he wants to have kids. That being said, saying you don’t want to have kids, as this man said to you, and then having sexual relations and not wearing a condom, doesn’t constitute wanting to have a baby or catch a sexually transmitted disease either. It simply means that two people are engaging in high risk behaviors that may result is pregnancy or the possibility of contacting a sexually transmitted disease.

In your next question, you asked “Why wouldn't a man want to protect [himself] from getting any STDs?” None of us can “make anyone” do something they don’t want to do. We can only be responsible for our own behaviors. That said, let me turn the tables and ask you a question. “Why wouldn’t you insist that a man protect you from an STD or pregnancy?” While you can’t make a man wear a condom to protect you, you have the power to refuse to have sexual relations with a man who isn’t willing to protect you from an unwanted pregnancy or contracting STDs! When a man isn’t willing to protect you in a relationship, he is sending a loud and clear message that the only person he cares about in the relationship is himself. You deserve to be treated better than that!

~~ Lori