Tricks to Get Him Back

get him back

Need a few tricks to get him back? These readers were desperate for the same thing... so our dating coach came up with a few ideas.

Tricks to Get Him Back from a Dating Coach

Reader Question

I like one guy and he doesn't care about me anymore. I want to know how I can get him back. He used to care about me.-- Contributed by: manpret

Expert Reply

Dear Manpret,

We seem to want what is not readily available. Why is this? By nature we place a higher value on things we perceive to be in shortage, whether we truly want that item or not. To prove this all you have to do is look at the lines that formed to be the first to get the infamous iPod. This thinking also holds true for selecting a partner. Men place a higher value on women that they have to work hard to attract. When a woman is too easy, she is perceived as being less valuable.

This may sound old fashioned, but is seems that our grandmothers were on to something when they suggested playing hard to get. There is a biological desire within us to have to work hard to get something of value. Therefore, as long as you are working to get your guy's attention, you are going to be perceived as less valuable to him. If you want any chance of getting him back, you're going to have to make yourself less available to him and seemingly more prized by other men.

How do you seem more prized by others? Start by being interesting and fun to be with. Go out with friends, accept dates and get involved in activities where you get to be the center of attention. Once your guy sees how much fun others find you and that other men find you attractive, his competitive nature will kick in. Once that happens, he will be the one chasing you and not the other way around.

~~Lori

He Ignores My Messages

Reader Question

I went on a first date on Saturday with someone that I met online. It went really well and he asked me if I would like to do something next weekend at the end of the date. I said yes and we have been in contact a couple of times since. He said that he really enjoyed the evening. He is now ignoring the messages that I have sent. What does this mean? I'm really confused now on what he wants. Please help. -- Contributed by: Jade

Expert Reply

Dear Jade,

One of my favorite foods is chocolate. I am very particular about the chocolate I eat, so not all chocolate passes mustard. Occasionally, I have a large appetite for chocolate and can't stop with just one piece. When this happens, I can and I have eaten a pound of chocolate. Then, just a fast as the choc-attack happened, after having eaten the whole thing, I can no longer stand even the thought of another piece of chocolate, no matter how good it might be.

New relationships can be similar. The key in a new relationship is not saturating it with contact, but waiting in order to build anticipation. Anticipation builds excitement. Saturation is a joy-kill. When you and the new guy went on your first date the two of you hit it off. He was so excited that he asked to see you again the following weekend. As his anticipation of the next date continued to mound, he looked for ways to communicate with you. You then responded and in return looked for ways to stay in contact. Soon this new relationship moved from anticipation to over saturation and with it, the excitement diminished.

What he wants, you may not be able to give him at this point. He wants the hunger that comes with having to wait to be with you. Unfortunately, that hunger no longer exists. I am not sure you can regain it at this point, but if there is a possibility, it will come when you no longer are as accessible. This means you need to stop trying to contact him. Wait for him to contact you. What you will learn from this is the 'right' amount of anticipation he needs. Once you know this, you can pace your communication to his and contact him, if he hasn't contacted you. Let's say over time you notice a pattern of not hearing from him for three days or three days between contacts. You can predict that this amount of time is what he needs between contacts before he has to talk or see you. Then, you can predict if you haven't heard from him in three days, it is likely he will be reaching out to you soon. You could reach out to him with the knowledge that he is looking forward to hearing from you, in essence beating him to the punch.

~~Lori

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Tricks to Get Him Back