Tricks to Get Him Back

From LoveToKnow Dating

Need a few tricks to get him back? These readers were desperate for the same thing... so our dating coach came up with a few ideas.

get him back

Tricks to Get Him Back from a Dating Coach

Reader Question

I like one guy and he doesn’t care about me anymore. I want to know how I can get him back. He used to care about me.

-- Contributed by: manpret

Expert Reply

Dear Manpret,

We seem to want what is not readily available. Why is this? By nature we place a higher value on things we perceive to be in shortage, whether we truly want that item or not. To prove this all you have to do is look at the lines that formed to be the first to get the infamous iPod. This thinking also holds true for selecting a partner. Men place a higher value on women that they have to work hard to attract. When a woman is too easy, she is perceived as being less valuable.

This may sound old fashioned, but is seems that our grandmothers were on to something when they suggested playing hard to get. There is a biological desire within us to have to work hard to get something of value. Therefore, as long as you are working to get your guy's attention, you are going to be perceived as less valuable to him. If you want any chance of getting him back, you’re going to have to make yourself less available to him and seemingly more prized by other men.

How do you seem more prized by others? Start by being interesting and fun to be with. Go out with friends, accept dates and get involved in activities where you get to be the center of attention. Once your guy sees how much fun others find you and that other men find you attractive, his competitive nature will kick in. Once that happens, he will be the one chasing you and not the other way around.

~~Lori

He Ignores My Messages

Reader Question

I went on a first date on Saturday with someone that I met online. It went really well and he asked me if I would like to do something next weekend at the end of the date. I said yes and we have been in contact a couple of times since. He said that he really enjoyed the evening. He is now ignoring the messages that I have sent. What does this mean? I’m really confused now on what he wants. Please help.

-- Contributed by: Jade

Expert Reply

Dear Jade,

One of my favorite foods is chocolate. I am very particular about the chocolate I eat, so not all chocolate passes mustard. Occasionally, I have a large appetite for chocolate and can’t stop with just one piece. When this happens, I can and I have eaten a pound of chocolate. Then, just a fast as the choc-attack happened, after having eaten the whole thing, I can no longer stand even the thought of another piece of chocolate, no matter how good it might be.

New relationships can be similar. The key in a new relationship is not saturating it with contact, but waiting in order to build anticipation. Anticipation builds excitement. Saturation is a joy-kill. When you and the new guy went on your first date the two of you hit it off. He was so excited that he asked to see you again the following weekend. As his anticipation of the next date continued to mound, he looked for ways to communicate with you. You then responded and in return looked for ways to stay in contact. Soon this new relationship moved from anticipation to over saturation and with it, the excitement diminished.

What he wants, you may not be able to give him at this point. He wants the hunger that comes with having to wait to be with you. Unfortunately, that hunger no longer exists. I am not sure you can regain it at this point, but if there is a possibility, it will come when you no longer are as accessible. This means you need to stop trying to contact him. Wait for him to contact you. What you will learn from this is the ‘right’ amount of anticipation he needs. Once you know this, you can pace your communication to his and contact him, if he hasn’t contacted you. Let’s say over time you notice a pattern of not hearing from him for three days or three days between contacts. You can predict that this amount of time is what he needs between contacts before he has to talk or see you. Then, you can predict if you haven’t heard from him in three days, it is likely he will be reaching out to you soon. You could reach out to him with the knowledge that he is looking forward to hearing from you, in essence beating him to the punch.

~~Lori

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Comments

Donna,

He most likely told you that he didn't want to talk to you or text you because he was still upset over the argument. Now that things have settled down, try and contact him one more time to let him know you are still interested in staying in contact. After this initial contact, back off. You don't want to harass him or he will pull away even more. Give it time and if he wants to be with you again, he will come to you. If he doesn't, it's time to move on.

-- Contributed by: Marcelina Hardy

how do i start talkin with my ex again eventhough we broke up like 2 months ago,but when we first broke up we used to talk but not much bt the last time we talked i had a fight with him and i was really rude and he told me thats gonna be the last time he calls me or texts me and i told him i dont care but i didnt mean it at all and i want to talk to him again i just want to be friends with him and i dont know how or what to do....

-- Contributed by: Donna

In a nut shell my partner broke up with me 2 months ago 2.09.08, we were living together for a year, we had a small studio flat but weren't working and spent too much time together and were not getting the last few months before he left me.

I rang him the day after he moved back home to his mums and tried to work things out with him. He said the relationship has made him snappy and he can't be in a relationship, that he needs to be alone. We talked over the phone every night for the next 2 weeks and he decided we can date as friends only and see if it leads back into a relationship.

So we met up for the afternoons twice a week for 5 weeks and then i asked can we be in a relationship again to stop my worrying as i felt insecure not having him and i was so worried of him changing his mind about me again. He agreed to go back out and said it was still too soon for him but will do it for me to stop me worrying. We spent 3 weeks back together and he even started to stay a couple nights a week round my parents house with me. The next day after leaving mine he text me saying

i find this to hard to say on the phone,i'm still not happy being in a relationship.It has nothing to do with you, i just cant do it. I didn't tell you because it hurts me too much to upset you but there's nothing else i can do, I'm so sorry to do this to you. I left it a week and text him saying lets be friends and i don't want to lose his friendship after all this time and explained were i thought we went wrong, he text me back 4 days later all in all it took him 10 days to make contact after sending me the first text dumping me.

The text said you mean so much to me Jess ,i will always try and be the best friend to u as i can, i am so sorry for everything, its been really hard for me. I just don't know whats wrong with me.It hurts me so much to know your upset! I will always be there for you. x x x

Then got another text straight away saying Sorry it took me so long to get credit to text you back

This was 2 days ago and I have not made contact yet. When we are happy together we have the best relationship ever! I love him very much and will do anything to try make it work. I think I may of rang him too much in the last 2 months and if he didn't answer i would ring back in a hour and text him to ring back too, i worried too much i can see that now. I think i may of chased him too much in the last 2 months and scared him off .

How do I tactfully win him back, what do i say, it is very important what i next say to him so i don't scare him off.

Please please help as I am so upset and don't want to give up on him yet, i am willing to try anything to make it work.

-- Contributed by: How can I win him back?

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