Tantric Sexuality Interview

From LoveToKnow Dating

Mark and Patricia on the Essence of Tantric Sexuality

Come meet a married couple with a unique language of love. Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson are co-authors of The Essence of Tantric Sexuality (Llewellyn Publications, July 2006). As experts on the art of Tantra, they not only practice the concept, they also teach it to others. With so many couples struggling to make sex work in their relationship, Tantra might just be worth a try.

Find out more from this exclusive LoveToKnow interview.

LoveToKnow Dating Tips
Men verses Women
Men and women are not really that different when it comes to the basics in a relationship. We are all humans who need love, and demand respect. Treat members of both sexes with the appropriate level of appreciation and your relationships will grow and foster properly.

Interview Questions

What exactly is Tantric Sexuality?

Tantra is an ancient tradition that originates on the Indian subcontinent; it recognizes sexual energy as a source of personal and spiritual empowerment. Most traditional Tantric practices do not involve sexual activity, but the classical literature does include material on sexuality and various sexual rituals. The great understanding of the ancient Tantrics was that states of high sexual arousal and the orgasmic experience have the same qualities as meditative or mystical experiences, and indeed, that these are the most readily accessible mystical experiences for ordinary people. So a good definition of Tantric Sexuality would be to say it is sexual activity with a purpose, that purpose being the expansion of consciousness or the experience of union (which is one definition of the word Yoga).

Tantric sexual practices are designed to prolong and heighten arousal. Doing so creates physiological and psychological changes that make it more likely we'll experience this state of union.

Describe your backgrounds and why you wrote this book?

Mark is a lawyer with Masters Degrees in American Studies from NYU and Yale. Patricia is a professional opera singer. We began studying Tantra formally in the 1990s, and with our teacher, Dr. Jonn Mumford (Swami Anandakapila Saraswati) in 1999. Dr. Mumford delivered a series of highly influential lectures on Tantric sexuality in 1976. The lectures were available on tape for several years thereafter, but have become virtually impossible to find. We decided to write a book based on the lectures because we wanted to make sure that the information both survived and was presented in the way Dr. Mumford intended. The practices are extraordinary, and we wanted to share them.

How did you meet and how long did you date?

We met at the first Tantra class Mark taught. It was a brief introductory workshop. We started exchanging emails shortly thereafter and met to talk about Tantra a couple of weeks later. We got married a little less than two years after we met.

Where are common tertiary erogenous zones?

A few of our favorites are the tip of the nose, the ear opening, the big toe and the sole of the foot. There are others, and the book provides a method for systematic stimulation of the erogenous zones that creates a delightful state of arousal.

What role does scent play in attraction?

An often subliminal but very powerful one. The sense of smell is our most primal sense. It bypasses the 'higher', more analytical centers of the brain. So, frequently, we fail to realize just how important a role the sense of smell can play. We may recognize it when a person smells particularly pleasant or unpleasant to us. More often than not, the role of smell in attraction (or lack thereof) operates beneath the level of conscious awareness, but it is no less important for being so subtle.

What are some basic connection builders in a relationship?

One of the simplest and most powerful is eye-gazing. We began doing this as a formal practice early in our relationship, and now it is second nature to us. We do it regularly out of habit and use it consciously when there is disharmony between us. It tends to bring us back into balance and defuse conflict.

It's a fairly simple practice. Stand facing each other, with your arms at your sides and gaze softly into each others eyes. This will bring you into synch after a couple of minutes, and we believe it recreates the experience of falling in love, on multiple levels. Many couples find it challenging at first, and you may laugh or experience some initial unease. If you stay with it, you should find it highly rewarding.

Our teacher's teacher defined love as "profound interest", and we strongly advocate cultivating and displaying interest in your partner. This will create a very deep connection.

How can a couple ensure their relationship will remain passionate?

The eye-gazing practice and cultivating interest are two important components of doing so. Another approach we advocate is treating the relationship, perhaps most specifically the sexual aspects of the relationship, as collaboration, an adventure, a journey you're on together. People tend to believe that sex and passion happen naturally, because they often seem effortless in the early stages of a relationship. There's very good research on why and how that initial passion fades, but if you bring awareness to sexuality, treat each other as true partners, talk openly and honestly about sex, you are likely to find that there's always more to discover.

When is the right time to introduce sex in a relationship?

That depends a lot on the individuals involved. We discussed sexuality on our first "date" and made a decision to explore the sexual aspects of Tantra together before we had even touched. Thus, we never dated in the conventional sense, but we were forthright and clear about sex from the very beginning. We think that clear communication is far more important than any time frame, but we also recognize that communicating clearly about sex is difficult for many people, and the process begins with knowing yourself sexually. That puts you in a much better position to decide when the "right" time has arrived.

Anything else you want to add?

We treat our relationship as the core of our spiritual practice, and we believe that anyone, regardless of religious perspective, can find ways to do the same. To do so is to create a partnership that is radically different from most conventional ones. We strive to cultivate reverence and respect to each other and to approach all aspects of our life together as a shared undertaking. This builds trust and a sense of mutuality and parity, all of which help keep passion alive.