Sweet Things to Say to Girls

From LoveToKnow Dating

It's a great cliché, the tongue-tied suitor trying to come up with sweet things to say to girls. These erstwhile suitors are the subject of comedies from Shakespeare to Friends, and yet the fact is that it is a reality. The difficulty of coming up with something that won't sound like a line to the object of your affections is a difficulty for would-be Romeo's all over the world.

Need some ideas about how to phone a girl?

A Shy Person's Guide to Sweet Things to Say to Girls

"Shy person" is a nice way of saying "fool", because in the throes of initial infatuation, that is often how someone feels. The fact is, though, finding things to say takes three things: observation, preparation, and thoughtfulness.

1. Observation

The preparation for saying sweet things lies in developing a certain outlook and vocabulary for interacting with people and the world around you. In order to say sweet things, and not have them come across as a line, you have to actually be aware of them. In fact, you have to go out of your way to find them, to experience the dolce vita. The fact is, if you are enjoying yourself, and appreciating the world around you, the things you say will come across as sweet simply because of your mood.

This applies even more when around "the pretty girls." Enjoying their presence without an agenda, just being genuinely happy to be in their company, will set you apart from the cruisers looking to score with a fast line. Begin your quest for sweet things to say by noting the sweet things about them, for example:

How do they look? Happy, sad, excited, tired…there are ways to find beauty in all of these.
What are they wearing? See if you can find five nice things about their clothing – not the obvious stuff, like color or jewelry, but the details, like the weave of the cloth, or the buckles on the shoes.
What's going on around you? Again, not the obvious – "It looks like rain!" Rather, look for details about the environment that are first, beautiful, and second, she may have missed. Sharing those details with her will brighten her world, which is a sweet thing to do for anyone.

2. Preparation

Noticing the sweet things is all well and good, but you have to be able to express them adequately as well. Having a vocabulary and the ability to use it clearly is a prerequisite to actually coming up with sweet things to say to girls. The best way to do that is to read, of course, and read books that aren't the normal fare for macho guys in Western culture: poetries and romances. They don't have to be romances in the bodice-ripper sense of the word, but rather romantic in the sense that they deal with human emotions in a strong and expressive way. Writers such as Pat Conroy and William Goldman (whose Princess Bride is full of fantastic quotes) or movies such as the Scarlet Pimpernel, Cyrano de Bergerac, or any of Errol Flynn's movies will give many examples of eloquence and grace in the spoken word. However, failing that, there are some things to definitely avoid:

Avoid the obvious – As in the "Looks like rain!" example above, stating the obvious is not sweet – it implies that either you or the person you're talking to is an idiot.
Avoid sounding desperate – This is more than avoiding a pleading tone of voice; it's also accepting their silence graciously. If you said something sweet within earshot, respect them enough to assume they heard it, and my not choose to respond. By not trying to be the class clown and draw attention, you give a more favorable impression.
Avoid backhanded compliments – Some books and dating gurus advise that insulting a woman is actually a way to gain her affection. If that is your approach, good luck, but it is probably not going to ever seem like a sweet thing.

3. Thoughtfulness

The final aspect of coming up with sweet and witty repartee is the most tricky, because it is not always the easiest skill to learn. Basically it is approaching the situation with the sole goal of improving the woman's day. Any agenda such as dating that is based on you will get in the way of a truly sincere sweet expression. Use your observations and preparations to find a sweet thing to say that will actually make her day more beautiful. "You look nice," is banal; "Pardon me, but I have to tell you how great that fabric looks in this sunlight," is unusual. As an alternative to "It looks like rain!" you could try something like "Have you noticed how amazingly green the leaves look just before the storm hits? I love it!"

The good news is that even if your sweet thing is not appreciated by the pretty girl, if you have followed these rules it won't matter – you will have brightened your own day, and be that much better for the next pretty girl to come around.

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