Single Parent Dating

When you're a single parent dating can be nerve-wracking, difficult, and confusing. It can also be a lot of fun. As long as you have respect for yourself and are careful around your children, dating as a single parent can be a good experience — and just might bring a wonderful new partner into your life.

Simply being a single parent does set up natural barriers to dating.

• You have to hire a babysitter. Even high-school kids charge a lot for babysitting these days, and you can only rely on friends and family members so often.
• You have built-in roommates. When you have roommates — in this case, your kids — inviting your date in becomes an issue. Cozy evenings at home may be out of the question, at least at first.
• You can't stay out too late. You'll need to take the babysitter home, and you'll want to be alert when your kids wake up in the morning.
• You have other uses for your money. When you're single, blowing a lot of money on a date may not make a huge impact to your financial plans. When you have kids, you have college funds and school clothes to think about.
• You're part of a package deal. It's not just about you anymore; you have to consider whether your children will like this person as much as you do and whether he or she will make a good potential step-parent. Plus, you have to find someone who not only likes kids but is interested in yours as well.

Single parent dating challenges are an easy excuse to completely just avoid dating. If you do decide to eventually get back out in the dating world, you'll find there are ways to make it work.

• Swap babysitting with a friend who's dating, too. When he or she is out on a date, you take the kids and vice versa. If one of you dates weekly and the other only once in a blue moon, you'll need to set up rules for what's fair.
• If you share custody, plan dates when your kids are with the other parent.
• Plan a date when the kids are busy. If you met the person online, your first face-to-face meeting might fit into the hour when your child is at a party or at a movie with friends. If you like the person, you can make plans to meet again. If not, you have a great excuse to run.
• Plan daytime or early-evening activities. Eat dinner before you see a play, or go for coffee after a movie instead of a full restaurant meal.
• Go on inexpensive, creative dates. With the right person, a walk in the park can be as much fun as an elaborate evening.
• Accept the fact that some people don't want to date a single parent. Don't beat yourself up about it, and don't try to convince someone who isn't comfortable with children. As a single parent, you need to find someone who is comfortable with children and, even more important, would consider becoming not just your partner but part of your family.

If you're feeling discouraged about finding a date, don't worry: it's hard for single people without kids to meet Mr. or Ms. Right, too! The old-fashioned options — churches, community groups — are still great places to try. Some cities have active groups of Parents Without Partners. These clubs are mainly for social gatherings and support, not dating, but by definition the other members will be single, too!

Let people know you're dating. Your friends and colleagues already have a good sense of you, they might know your kids, and they'll have an idea what you're looking for. Someone just might set you up with a great match.

Try going online. All the major dating sites let you state that you're a single parent, and you can usually put down how many kids you have and whether you have primary custody. Some of the big sites are:

• Match.com
• eHarmony.com eHarmony
• JDate, a Jewish site.
• Amigos.com, a site geared to Hispanics.
• IndianDating.com, a site for people of Indian descent.

If you want to meet someone else with kids, you can also try sites which cater just to single parents, such as:

• SingleParentsMingle.com
• SingleParentMeet.com.

As a single parent dating, you need to remember that your kids come first. Here are some tips that other single parents have found useful:

• Don't introduce your kids to your date right away. Young children, especially, may not understand the idea of dating. They may wonder why mom or dad has so many new "friends," and why those friends don't always stick around.
• Make the first introduction casual. If you're getting serious about someone, plan a group activity or a fun but brief outing. Let your date and your kids get acquainted without any pressure.
• Watch for resentment or jealousy. Are you spending too much time with your dates, and not enough with your kids? Are they worried about being replaced, or about the family changing? Are they hoping you'll reunite with their mother or father? You don't need to stop dating, but you do need to reassure them and be sensitive to their needs.
• Be a good role model. Do you want your kids to think it's ok to spend the night with someone they're casually dating? Do you want them to think that juggling multiple partners is a good idea? Or that fighting with a date, waiting by the phone, or acting jealous is appropriate behavior? Make sure that you model good self-esteem and respectful behaviors. They'll learn from you.
• Listen to your kids. If they don't like your date, there might be a good reason why.

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