With so much focus on infidelity in relationships, you may start to wonder if there are signs that your boyfriend is lying that you might be missing. It's important to know what key things to watch out for - and things to not overreact to.
Common Signs Your Boyfriend Is Lying
Before you read this list, there is one thing to keep in mind: none of these is hard-core proof that your boyfriend is lying. In fact, some of them may be signs of something completely different - such as him planning a sweet surprise for you. In fact, there is a famous story on the Internet of a woman who thought her boyfriend was lying about not calling her, and over-reacted by dumping him and sleeping with another man - only to find out that he had been on vacation in Europe, with no cell phone. She had forgotten about that part, and the result was not just embarrassment but also losing her boyfriend. So with that in mind, here are some things that might be a hint that your boyfriend may be less than truthful:
- Eye contact - The most common indication someone may be prevaricating is if they are unable to look you in the eye as he/she speaks. However, the opposite can also be true. If the person is staring hard at you, almost belligerently, that's also a defense mechanism and may mean he/she is hiding something.
- Tension - If your boyfriend fidgets nervously, puts his hands in and out of his pockets, or seems to shift his weight or footing, this can be a sign of a subconscious desire to escape - which may mean he's feeling threatened with discovery.
- Inconsistent or lengthy stories - If you begin to notice inconsistencies in your boyfriend's accounts of where he's been, what he's been doing, or who he's been with, that may be a sign that he is making things up to cover up what's really going on. If, when you call him on these inconsistencies, his stories get even more complicated, that's another indication. While life can get complicated, it's also true that the simplest answer is usually the right one - and sometimes the simplest answer is: he's lying.
- Furtive behavior - Is he getting cell phone text messages and seems to hide them from you? Does he occasionally not answer his phone if you're around, or go somewhere else to talk? Are there times when you can't get a hold of him, but he can't really explain why? These may indicate that he's trying to keep some other relationship or actions from you.
- Accusatory or compensatory behavior - Often people who are lying become mistrustful of the people around them, and display it by beginning to accuse them of lying. If, out of the blue, your boyfriend starts saying that he doesn't believe you, it may be because he is guilty of something. At the same time, if he for no reason gets you an expensive present, or wants to take you on a trip...well, it may be him being romantic, but it may also be that he is trying to assuage his own guilty conscience.
What to Do Next
Again, any of these behaviors could be completely innocent - shy people don't like eye contact, for example, and some people just have so much energy that they constantly fidget. However, if you find out the signs that your boyfriend is lying are all accurate, it's time to make a decision: do you stay with him and try to work through it? Relationships can make it past dishonesty, but it takes work and a genuine desire on both sides to forgive and begin building a foundation of trust. You may never be able to completely get over the betrayal - but that is something that just has to be lived with in some relationships. The hardest thing, though, is to remember that just because one person is a liar, that doesn't mean everyone is - at some point, you have to take that leap of trust in order to love.