Should I stay or Do I Go

Wondering Should I Stay or Do I Go

Reader Question

Lori, I meet this guy several years ago, we were good friends. A couple of years back our relationship had gone from friend to more than that. I went to visit him earlier this month. We had a very good time. Today, he sent me a text saying he is going steady with someone and to ask me if I want to stop seeing him? I replied that to stop seeing him is what he wants I will respect that. He said "I will like to continue seeing you" I need advice, should I stay or should I let go.

-- Contributed by: Mary

Expert Reply

Dear Mary,

This guy has difficulty being up-front and honest with you. You went to visit him not knowing that he was involved with someone. While you were spending time with him and having fun, he continued to keep this information secret. In addition to keeping you in the dark about his commitment to another woman, he lied to her in order to be with you. Then, after you went back home, he sent you a text message telling you he is in a relationship with another woman. Instead of owning up to his indiscretion directly with you, he acted like a coward and sent you a message in order to avoid hearing your pain and disappointment. If this behavior wasn’t already disingenuous enough, he sunk even lower by asking you “if you wanted to stop seeing him?”

To consider being in a relationship with this guy means that you’re considering giving your heart to someone who is already in a relationship, lies and would be intimate with multiple partners. In essence, he is sharing his time and affection with you AND another person. What do you get out of being in this kind of relationship? You might get a sexually transmitted disease. You’ll defiantly get a guy who will break your heart, who cannot give you his full time, attention or affection.

While I believe it’s important to share with others in order to build friendships, this value does not apply to intimate relationships. Honesty and trust are the foundation for building a healthy committed relationship. My advice is to let this guy go until he is unattached and not seeing anyone. Should he be available in the future, keep in mind this guy is not good at honesty. Go into any relationship with him with your eyes W-I-D-E open.

~~Lori