Self Esteem

What is Self Esteem?

Depending on whom you ask and where you look, there are many definitions of self esteem, both positive and negative. The importance of the subject has more to do with how you feel, rather than an actual dictionary meaning. For a good self esteem, it requires a general feeling of healthy confidence. It is not about being self absorbed, but being self aware. Self esteem should not be your ego, but instead the ability to be good to yourself and others, the ability to slosh off bad experiences and focus on the positive, and the ability to accept the good with the bad. It is about feeling worthy, not feeling better.

Breaking down your self esteem is a gradual process of time wearing down your expectations and self worth. To build it back will also take significant effort and confidence boosters.

Influences

Your past experiences influence your overall feelings of self worth. The five groups that impact you the most are:

• Family
• Friends
• Teachers
• Media
• Work

If you are looking to improve your self esteem, you will need to start with these five areas. Begin by reviewing your past and learning from prior events. Deal with any unfinished business whether it is a relationship or project. By taking the time to evaluate these issues, you can begin to erase the past and start building a new future.

Comparisons are another major trap many people find themselves in. No matter how good you have it, there is always someone who has it better. Wipe these types of thoughts out of your mind and vocabulary. There is absolutely nothing to gain by comparing apples to oranges.

Handling criticism and praise is another key factor influencing your self esteem. It is said that you must hear ten compliments in order to balance out one critique. Build to change this, if someone takes the time to praise you, listen to their words and take it to heart. In turn, when you are assessed negatively, use it as food for thought. Instead of taking it at a personal level, use the comments to learn and grow.

Mistakes are inevitable, but they also hurt your self esteem. Although it is a common saying, “we all make mistakes”, so many of us try and rise above it. Don’t think of mistakes as failures, rather they are stepping stones to success. The most accomplished people in the world have a long line of mistakes that led them there.

Health and Happiness

In order to feel good, we need to be physically healthy and mentally happy. By focusing on these two goals, you can achieve a stable self esteem. Some basic tips to accomplish this are:

• Create a theme song. Basically construct a sense of what you are, your philosophy, goals and values, and then follow it through.
• Accept the person you are, both the strengths and the weaknesses.
• Eliminate unrealistic expectations.
• Avoid negative thinking.
• Find hope in spirituality.
• Look for meaning in your life.
• Partake in activities that make you laugh and share those with others.
• Treat your body right. Exercise, rest, eat right, avoid drugs, enjoy sexual experiences, and receive adequate medical attention.
• Reduce stress.
• Avoid unhealthy people, relationships, and situations.

Helpful Hints

The previous categories are general ways to improve your confidence. Now for some specifics:

• Focus on being one person. It is complicated and self demeaning to try and change your persona from public to private. Accept who you really are and others will too.
• Be selective in your relationships. This is particularly important when dating, as it is your best chance to evaluate another person in your life. If the relationship is degrading, difficult, and stressful, get out fast.
• Set realistic goals for yourself and start small. Do test your limits, to show yourself you can do it. Just stay within boundaries to avoid complete failure. While the goals will be different for each individual, the important step is to get out of your comfort zone.
• Make time for your desires. Deem yourself worthy and follow through with personal commitments. If you don’t value your needs, then how can someone else?
• Forgive yourself.
• Maintain your integrity at all costs. It is more important long term, than any short term rewards.

Quick Confidence Boosters

Whether you are about to impart on a first date or job interview, try out these five quick ways to instantly improve your self confidence.

1. Visualize a perfect evening or event. Although it may sound silly, visualizing success is extremely powerful.
2. Write a letter addressed to you. Make it a love letter and be sure to explain what a great person you are.
3. Take a minute to explore this simple finger exercise. Start with your thumb and touch the tip to each of your other fingers. At each stop, think back to a time when you felt accomplished. Absorb the deep sensations of each moment, until you have contemplated one for each finger.
4. Find a quiet spot to sit or lay down. Breathe deeply and rest. Spend a moment to find the tense areas of your body and mentally relax them.
5. Breathe away negative energy. Think through all the problems and criticism your inner voice is screaming at you. For each one, take a deep breath and blow it away – literally.