Second Dates

If you are going on a second date, clearly your first date was a success. Congratulations! Now that much of the initial nervousness has passed, you are free to relax a bit and really get to know your date.

The first date is great for breaking the ice and gauging initial attraction, but the second date serves a whole other purpose. While a follow-up date doesn't equal a commitment, it does say a few things:

• You are at least slightly attracted to your date.
• You felt some level of compatibility.
• Your date felt the same about you.

Now that you have established that a spark exists, you are able to move forward and decide where to go from here. Your second date will help to explore things a bit more deeply. You'll be able to question that spark - did it continue to thrive on a second meeting? During your second date, you will also be better able to tell if she is looking for a relationship or a fling. More importantly, you'll be able to determine whether she is someone you would want a relationship with.

Early on, it is always tempting to pull out all the stops and plan elaborate, expensive dates. This is not advisable, because formal dates tend to make one or both parties uncomfortable. To get the most out of your early dates, keep them light and fun. Give both parties the chance to relax and shine. Save the formal dress and fancy restaurants for your anniversary or Valentine's Day!

As you plan your upcoming date, think about your first date and your telephone calls. Did the two of you discuss any mutual hobbies? If so, this would be a great time to indulge them. For example, if you share a love of fine art, consider a visit to a local art gallery. If you are both avid inline skaters, why not plan a day of skating and picnicking in the park? This will give both of you the chance to relax on familiar turf and show your true self. Other fun, low intensity date ideas include:

• Bowling or other sport
• Ball game
• Boating
• Antiquing
• Zoo
• Museum
• Festival
• Rodeo

Since you've already had one ice-breaker date, and probably a few phone conversations, you will likely feel much more at ease on your subsequent date. Conversation generally feels more natural and less forced. This is a good time to follow-up on things that were mentioned during the first date. If he discussed a problem at work or a situation with a family member, feel free to ask about it. This shows that you are a good listener and that you care.

It's also a good idea to open up a bit more during the second date. If this is to become a relationship, he must be interested in hearing about you. During this date, you can feel a bit freer to discuss hot topics such as politics, especially if it is an important subject where you must share a similar worldview. Still, you'll want to avoid deep, intense conversation. The second date is not the time for soul-baring analysis of your childhood or your past abusive relationships. If this does, in fact, progress, there will be plenty of time for mutual psychoanalysis later!

The question of physical intimacy is always important in the early days of dating. During this date, feel free to be a bit more physical if you like your date and enjoy his company. Small acts of intimacy are important in the relationship-building stage. Touch his arm as you are talking to him. Make lots of eye contact. A kiss at this stage is definitely appropriate, especially if you kissed on the first date. The only caveat here is that you should avoid any kind of intimacy if you have decided you do not like him. In this case, honesty is best. No one likes to be led on.

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