Is it true that routine and passion are indirectly proportional? There is an old saying that "familiarity breeds contempt" and many people feel this idiom translating into their own sex lives. Sometimes the sex in a relationship is just plain absent, or for others, it remains a perfunctory act. The challenge for many couples is to bring romance into their daily routines, and especially into their sexuality. Of course, the most important thing to note is that, if romance isn't present in your other activities, it will surely be lacking in the bedroom.
The Importance of Sex
A part of the reason romantic sex may be lacking in a relationship is that at least one party may not understand how important sex is for a couple's unity and general well-being. Better TV interviewed Dr. Eric Braverman regarding his book, Younger (Sexier) You. During this interview he compared sex in a relationship to an actual vital sign; an undeniable necessity. He explains that, although the romantic attachment of a married couple increases over time, the sexual health actually declines. This may not be a surprise for many Americans, but the grievous consequences that arise from the decline of this "vital sign" are fairly shocking.
Couples who are attempting to bring the romance back into the bedroom must first:
- Understand that sex is an important act of bonding--it is meaningful
- Prioritize this act by daydreaming about one another in an effort to breed excitement and appreciation
- Ensure that sex is an expression of this meaningful love
The Heart of Romance
This last bit regarding sex and expression of love is actually the crux of the issue. Individuals who want romance in their lives must acknowledge that what makes romance passionate is the fact that it is meaningful. Romantic sex doesn't always carry the passionate excitement of a casual fling with a stranger, but instead it is even more sensual and exciting because it carries with it deep emotions and a strong connection.
People are sometimes led to believe that a strong connection always yields romantic sex, but Eric Braverman points out that sometimes this is the opposite case. Couples who engage in regular meaningful sex are actually forging a strong connection which, in turn, leads to an even healthier sex life.
How to Ignite Romance
Romantic sex is not the result of mere ambience. Laying out rose petals on the bed is a classic move, but it doesn't really help to generate the immense desire necessary to produce a genuinely romantic moment. Dim lighting is also an ambience technique, and when combined with soft music, this is portrayed as the standard operating procedure for a romantic environment. However, again, romance comes from within. Sex that is romantic can occur almost anywhere or anytime by couples who are constantly, even obsessively, consumed with one other.
In order to build a truly romantic sexual escapade, both parties must be in the right frame of mind. Helpful tips include:
- Before seeing one another, the individuals should spend some time reminiscing about how they met, focusing on whatever aspect of their early relationship seemed romantic. Doing this helps to reignite the fire.
- In order to really be romantic, it is important for both people in a relationship to be somewhat sentimental. Sentiment helps to breed meaning in your life. This meaningful mindset will carry over into the bedroom.
- Why exactly is make-up sex so good? It is because fights and breakups remind people of exactly what losses they face should a couple permanently split. Sometimes events that invoke fear and separation are truly healthy reminders.
- Ensure that there are no toxic roadblocks in your relationship. Couples that are dealing with serious problems such as addiction, abuse, and adultery will have a hard time creating a romantic sex life. When crucial issues are at play, do not expect the human psyche to be able to lay them aside in favor of meaningful sex.
- Also ensure that your sexual environment is clean, neat, and conducive to intimacy.
The First Time
Romance and sex aren't just issues that lengthily committed couples have to deal with. This is equally important for individuals in a new relationship who are looking to advance their dating to the next level. Everyone wants the first time with a new partner to be romantic and special. In order to make this dream a reality it can be helpful to:
- Avoid planning. A planned first-time sexual excursion can actually create more anxiety than romance. Focusing on an event instead of the two parties involved can actually lower the meaning factor and increase stress.
- Make sure you've spent enough time with this person to conclude that he is truly special.
- It's often touted that romantic sex is emphasized by a new, remote, or extravagant location. This is true for some couples. However, others may actually find familiar surroundings to be the most romantic as this is a pleasant reminder of a couple's first meetings or general time together.
- Wait it out. Emotional foreplay is every bit as powerful as physical. The longer you hold out, the more time you both will spend fantasizing about each other, making the denouement all the more passionate.
- Keep the sex slow so that you both can enjoy every minute together.
Consulting with Your Lover
People are different regarding what they consider to be truly romantic, which is why a little research is important. Even if you've been married for years, it's never a bad idea to check in with your wife's closest girlfriends to learn more about your partner's tastes and passions. Likewise, you can consult your hubby's buddies for tips on how to surprise him. A romantic act will often precede romantic sex, and spouses are typically pleased to know that you've gone the extra mile and consulted friends for advice.