Romantic Sex

Setting the Scene

Some locations are just made for romantic sex. Think of the honeymoon suite in a five-star hotel or a quaint little bed-and-breakfast. Egyptian cotton sheets, a luxurious four-poster bed, and a marble bathroom with a shower-for-two… a romantic setting is easy if you've got the money to buy it.

But homemade romance can be just as lovely. You can create all the elements of a romantic setting right in your own home.

• Candles. Votive candles in inexpensive holders cast gentle, warm light. Go for at least a dozen candles to create an extravagantly romantic mood.
• Linens. Treat yourself to crisp new sheets of the highest quality you can afford. Look for 100% cotton. Higher thread counts usually feel softer and smoother, but good-quality cotton makes a difference, too. If you can't afford new sheets, take an iron to your old ones and make sure blankets are clean and pillows are fluffed.
• Extras. What will make your partner feel special? Most women would love a vase of roses by the bed. Men might appreciate seeing a partner in sexy new lingerie. Favorite foods can heighten the senses.

Beyond the Mainstream

Not everyone needs candles and roses to feel romantic. Here are some other settings that can be wonderfully romantic, if they represent interests you and your partner share:

• A wilderness scene. Backpackers can find private spaces in the heart of the wilderness. A sunset, some wildflowers, and a summer breeze may be all you need.
• A private cabin. Couples who want natural beauty with a little more comfort can find romance in a rented cabin.
• A favorite place. Returning to the scene of a favorite vacation or first weekend together is almost always a romantic choice.

The Personal Touch

Romantic sex is about much more than the place. Romance, always, is really about caring for each other. The prettiest bedroom, the most expensive candles, the best champagne are worthless if the conversation is lousy and the sex is uninspired.

Here are some ideas to help your partner feel the romance.

• Listen. Women usually love it when a partner is interested in their thoughts. Men can create romance simply by listening and appreciating what a female partner has to say. For women, romance may mean being sensitive to a male partner's interests: is he in the mood for talking, or would he rather have sex first and talk later?
• Pay attention to your partner's needs. If he loves having his back rubbed, offer—even if you don't really enjoy giving massages. If she enjoys a certain sex act, make that an important part of the evening.
• Take it slow. Romantic sex takes time. Clear your calendar for the evening or even the whole day. Rushing romance is certain to kill the mood.

Romantic Sex and Timing

Not every moment is the right time for romance. It's disappointing to spend a lot of time setting the scene only to have your partner fall asleep the minute he hits the bed. And it's frustrating when your partner is too stressed out or busy to relax into a romantic evening.

Caring about someone means not giving up on romantic sex, even when your efforts fall flat. If your partner needs to sleep, blow out the candles and let her rest. If a work emergency keeps him at the computer instead of in bed with you, fix him a snack and let him do what's needed. You can always try again another night.

When Romance Isn't in the Cards

Sometimes, two people just don't agree on what makes romantic sex. Some men are uncomfortable with candles and soft music. Some women would rather spend their money on a vacation instead of champagne and fancy dinners. Talk to your partner to find out if you agree on what makes a romantic evening.

If you're in a committed relationship and you don't have the same ideas about romance, your best bet may be to compromise. Take turns doing things that match each others' romantic ideals. If the relationship is just beginning and you count romance high on your list of needs, you may want to find someone who agrees more closely with your romantic visions.

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