Rocky Relationship

Can This Rocky Relationship Survive?

Reader Question

Hello Lori, my ex girlfriend and I broke up because of trust issues. She left me for another guy. But he ended up treating her really bad. Now she wants me back but she is pregnant by him. It devastated me because I had tried to get her pregnant on numerous occasions and wasn’t able to. Is it a wise idea to take her back? Could this baby put a strain on an already rocky relationship?'

~~D-Boy

Expert Reply

Dear D-Boy,

You and your girlfriend broke up because she left you for another guy. Other than turning to you and telling you she made a mistake when she left you, what has your girlfriend done to earn your trust? When trust is broken the seed of distrust is planted in the mind of the partner that was betrayed. This is why many couples who have experienced an affair or drug problem or some other issue that breaks trust often can’t work through their problem. Trust is a foundational component of a healthy relationship.

Children are a stressor for any relationship. Children, especially babies and toddlers, need a lot of time, attention and love. This is because children are dependent on getting their needs met through their caregivers. As a result, adults have to put the needs of their children above their own wants and needs. For the healthiest of couples, continuously putting your children’s needs ahead of your own can be a strain. For a couple with adult problems, the daily needs of children leave little time leftover for getting adult needs met.

For most couples, one of the stresses mentioned above is enough to end a relationship; you face both challenges to overcome should you get back with your ex-girlfriend. In addition, because she would be coming back to you pregnant with another man’s baby, you will have the constant reminder of her infidelity to also deal with. If you are the kind of guy who can put the past behind him, who can forgive and forget, then getting back with your girlfriend may work. On the other hand, if you are the kind of guy who experiences hurts and disappointments deeply, and who is romantic about love, then I would say that it’s not a good idea to get back with your girlfriend.

~~Lori