Relationship Help

When Do We Need Relationship Help?

Having an occasional argument over dinner plans or driving habits does not necessarily warrant seeking outside counseling or advice. When arguments become petty, habitual, or violent, however, a couple should consider finding someone who can help resolve disputes before they become ingrained problems and destroy the relationship. Warning signs that may indicate a need for relationship help include:

• Continual or frequent arguments over inconsequential actions, as if either party is simply looking for an excuse to fight.
• One or both individuals have difficulty resolving a specific argument and continue to use it as leverage against the other person.
• Any physical violence, either toward inanimate objects or toward one another.
• Escalating emotional abuse in the form of name calling, belittling, threats, or other demeaning tactics.
• Seemingly irreconcilable habits or behaviors that lead to altercations.
• Radical behavior changes that seem unusual or unexplained and result in increased tension.

It is critical that a couple does not wait too long before seeking help. Problems often grow more quickly than anticipated, and by leaving them unresolved the couple risks destroying the relationship they have built together.

Where to Find Relationship Help

Depending on the type of problems needing help, a couple can approach any number of people and organizations for assistance. Many times, simply asking a trusted friend who knows both individuals may be enough intervention for the couple to resolve their differences, particularly if that friend has resolved a similar problem in their own relationships. Approaching a member of the clergy or respected neighbor may also be an option, depending on the couple’s connection to that individual.

However, not everyone is qualified or suitable to offer help. The couple should not attempt to resolve disputes with anyone who could be seen as favoring one person over the other – a member of one’s family, the priest or clergy from one individual’s church and not the other’s, or one person’s best friend, for example. While these people may indeed be able to offer relevant advice, because they have a strong connection to only one side of the couple, the other person may perceive favoritism or feel that the help is biased.

If there are no personal connections the couple can utilize for appropriate help, they can consult professional sources. Relationship quizzes are a lighthearted way to help discover minor problems and can lead to easy resolutions. There are a number of books available that offer advice for different types of relationships, including friends, roommates, coworkers, marriage partners, and families. When problems become increasingly difficult to work out or violence is threatened, the couple should seek relationship help from professional counselors or abuse centers that are equipped to handle more disruptive disputes.

Taking Advantage of Advice

No advice is useful if the couple does not use it. To take advantage of the proffered help, the couple should be prepared to listen with an open mind and be willing to experiment with different communication tactics and relationship management techniques. While not every method will work for every couple, many people discover unique ways to adapt seemingly impossible strategies to work for their individual relationships. Relationship help will also take more than a single effort – it takes practice to build an effective, stable relationship, and relapses into old behaviors are to be expected. Success will only come when those relapses are dealt with rather than allowed to become new patterns of behavior.

When Help is Not Enough

Unfortunately, not every relationship will work out, and there will be times that no amount of relationship help will resolve the underlying problems. When that happens, the couple should be prepared to part ways amicably rather than with continued insults and arguments. By leaving the relationship gracefully and respectfully, each individual preserves their dignity and can learn from both the good and the bad points of the relationship, hopefully making their next partnership a more successful one.