When trying to figure out what qualities men look for in women, it's best to go right to the source -- a man. Steve Nakamoto is the "The Voice of the Other Half." He helps women understand men in love relationships so they can find love and keep it by knowing what men think about, and what they need and want from a relationship.
Qualities Men Look for in Women: Interview with Steve Nakamoto
Steve Nakamoto has been iVillage.com's Mr. Answer Man for over five years, where he helped women figure out the men in their love lives. He has written two dating/relationship books, Men Are Like Fish and Dating Rocks!, which have both received Writer's Digest awards.
Steve is "The Voice of the Other Half." When asked how he helps women with their love relationships he responds, "I help women gain the extra clarity they need to figure out the men in their love lives. The big problem that I see is that most women get all of their relationship advice from other women. That's because they haven't been able to find friendly, honest and accurate advice/feedback from a male source. That's where I come in, that's my unique position, I'm that male source."
Steve is a relationship and personal development coach. His coaching experience comes from seven years of being a personal development trainer and instructor. He has also written a book on communication, Talk Like a Winner, to help people improve their communication process so they can build strong relationships in both their romantic and professional lives.
In this interview, learn about what qualities men look for in women and how you can improve your love relationships.
Learn how location and whom you choose to be with affects your chances of finding quality single men.
In your, Men Are Like Fish Special Report, you discuss places women can find "high-quality" men. How important is the location you choose to attract men?
I call this "Favorite Fishing Holes: Where the Big Ones Are Biting!"
Location is a critical factor. It's like owning a restaurant. You want the best area for high-quality traffic. What determines location is the type of activity, the time of day or night, the energy of that environment, and whom that attracts.
Equally important is to know which locations to avoid. Some places have bad energy, sleazy activities, and the wrong kind of people.
When single women go out looking for love, is it best to go alone or with friends?
Smart women will choose a variety of combinations to both feel comfortable and stretch their comfort zones. That means there will be times when she can go alone, with two, three or four friends, or with a combination of male and female friends.
What most people are unaware of is that like attracts like. So a woman by herself is likely to meet a man by himself. Two women together are more likely to meet two men together. That's why when there is a group of four women it's probably a good idea to break into two groups of two for part of the outing. This makes them more approachable.
Equally important is who you choose to go out with. It's a team effort when it comes to creating the most attractive energy. You can't have people who are only out for themselves at the expense of others. So don't go out with friends/associates who drain your energy or hog too much attention. The object is to make connections, not fall in love on the spot.
Going out alone is okay if the woman can maintain positive energy or has a lot of fun meeting new people. While that may not be comfortable for some women, going out alone is the kind of stretch that she may need to expand her comfort zone as long as it is a safe environment. This could be a networking event rather than a pick-up joint.
Here's what you need to know about the communication between men and women.
What do you find to be the biggest communication problem between men and women?
- Poor listening is in my opinion the biggest problem. It stems from people wanting to be right rather than seeking to understand. The intention should be to seek more to understand than to be understood. Real listening requires patience, good questions, sincere compliments, and unselfish intention.
- The most common problem is that women put more significance on a greater range of things than men do. As a result, women will commonly ask why a man does or say something and the men's answer is simply that they felt like doing it at the time and didn't think it was such a big deal. For women, many minor things are communicated to men as big deals.
- The major problem that I see is that both men and women are not aware of how not seeing things from the other person's perspective is the primary cause of relationship failure.
How can women solve these communication problems
With the proper awareness and practice, we can all become better listeners, show more appreciation, and make deeper connections with other people. Here is how you can become a better listener:
- Give the gift of sincere listening.
- Set your intention on paying full attention.
- Provide positive nonverbal feedback.
- Try not to interrupt while he's speaking.
- Help the talker get into their flow.
- Seek first to understand others instead of wanting yourself to be understood.
- Repeat his words back to yourself.
- Don't jump to conclusions!
- Ask empowering questions.
What do men want from a relationship or how can women find out?
In the grand scheme, a man wants these five things:
- Hottie: feminine, sexy, physically attractive
- Sweetie: warm, kind, understanding, joyful
- Person: a woman of strong character
- Pal: a woman who gets along well with a man's friends and family
- Prize: a woman who is in demand that other men want and who only is offering a small window of opportunity for that guy.
A man seeks a women who…
- Is warm and friendly
- Listens and is receptive
- Responds well to the man
- Is interesting and has something good to say
- Is open and not judgmental
- Enjoys herself
- Can relax and be herself
- Is easy to please
- Pays attention to the man
- Doesn't complain or criticize much at all
- Is grateful
- Is well-mannered
Steve Nakamoto has many products to help you improve your professional and love life. He has four CDs that you can order on Steve's website. You can also sign up for free newsletters at his site and receive three free ebooks and five special reports with dating/relationship tips!