Proper Dating Etiquette

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Dating Etiquette
If you focus on kindness, consideration, and communication, then you are definitely on the right track to good dating etiquette. While the dating customs of today are far different than those of the past, there are still certain expectations among couples, whether you are just entering the dating world or you’ve been around the block a few times.


Just what is proper dating etiquette anyway? Are there still etiquette rules that couples must follow? Actually, there is several unspoken etiquette rules that you should consider. Whether you are just entering the dating scene, or you just need a refresher course on what is considered proper in regards to dating, keep reading!

Do you know your dating etiquette?

Etiquette History

Where did all the fuss over relationship and dating etiquette originate? Most want to lay the blame at the feet of French royalty in the 1600s. Because royalty typically had a lot of time on their hands, they used that time to make up numerous rules concerning behavior. This behavior might be in business relationships, social functions, and, yes, even in courtship. Of course, today many of those rules are non-existent, but a few still linger, although they may have been changed somewhat.

Obviously the French weren’t the only ones to set up proper dating etiquette. If you study the customs and the superstitions of the Puritans, you’ll find numerous information about relationship etiquette. For example, did you know that boys and girls in some areas of the country in the 1600s actually were allowed to share a bed during their courtship? The climate actually dictated the custom. Winters in New England were harsh, and boys typically worked six days a week, resting only on Sunday. If they wanted to do any courting in the winter, they often had to spend the night at their beloved’s home because the journey back to their own home in the dark and in the deep snow could be a treacherous one.

Before you get too many ideas in your head, however, the daughter’s parents took precautions. Because families were large, the daughter typically shared a bed with several siblings. Her parents may also tie her legs together, place a cow bell on the bed, and even lock a board between her and her sweetheart. Yes, times have certainly changed!

Proper Dating Etiquette

Today, proper dating etiquette typically involves three main words: kindness, consideration, and communication. Above all, a date between two people should involve all three of these. If so, other etiquette details tend to work themselves out. While the earlier decades of the twentieth century might have dictated that a man open the door for a woman, pay for the date, and do all the driving, this no longer always holds true.

In some areas of the country, region may dictate behavior. Customs are often handed down from one generation to the next. If a man was taught to open the door for his mother, then most likely he’ll open the door for his date. However, if two people from different cultures collide, communication is the key to a successful relationship. For example, if you are an independent woman who believes that you and your date should split the bill, then say so, and explain why you feel this way.

Playing the Game

No matter how you look at it, just as there are rules in virtually any game that is played, the dating game involves rules as well. Many of these are actually things you shouldn’t do, however. The following is a list of some common do’s and don’ts.

  • Don’t be late. It’s rude to keep anyone waiting, including your date!
  • Be respectful of your date if you smoke. Of course you shouldn’t hide the fact that you smoke either, as this may be a defining moment in your relationship’s future. Just don’t force your date to experience second-hand smoke.
  • Don’t be rude. No matter what type of day you’ve had, be polite to your date, whether this is your first date or your eighty-first date.
  • Don’t jump past first base to third. You get what I’m saying. Unless you’ve already established a relationship with your sweetie, don’t become all hands as she or he fights you off!
  • Do ask his or her opinion. Don’t act as if the date is all about what ‘’you want to do’’.
  • Do pay for the meal, movie, event, etc. This holds true if you invited the other person, regardless of your gender, unless you have an understanding between the two of you.
  • Do consider your attire. This doesn’t mean you have to blow your savings on a designer suit. However, consideration involves not openly trying to embarrass the person whom you are with. Anyone can put on a clean shirt and pressed pants.
  • Don’t cheat. What I mean is, don’t play the field if your girlfriend or boyfriend thinks the two of you are in a monogamous relationship. While it is perfectly okay to see more than one person, be sure that both parties understand and agree to this arrangement!
  • Finally, don’t battle for control. If you have to be the alpha-dog, try not to be so obvious about it! Dating should be a two way street!.


 


Comments

Linda,

I have submitted your question to our Ask the Dating Coach.

-- Contributed by: Debbie Vasen

I have met two different guys through online dating for the first time. They both said I was too "proper". On the other hand, they both said I was easy to talk to and get to know. They just said they were afraid to touch or get near me. I did not realize I gave off these vibes. Any suggestions?

-- Contributed by: Linda McDonald

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