Office Dating

From LoveToKnow Dating

If you have worked in an office long enough, eventually you will become involved in office dating yourself or know of an office romance. The office can be a great way to meet someone, but it also comes with unique challenges. Find out how to manage your office romance with LoveToKnow’s office dating expert Kate Zabriskie

Dating Expert Kate Zabriskie

Kate Zabriskie is the founder of Business Training Works, Inc, a corporate training company. Kate and her team of instructors perform on-site training with a specialization in soft-skills. Some of Business Training Works clients include Microsoft, Bank One, BMW and The FBI. Kate often appears in the media, including quotes in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times and the Detroit Free Press. She holds a bachelor’s degree from George Mason University and an MBA from the University of Texas at Austin.

Interview with Kate Zabriskie about Office Dating

How prevalent is office dating?

Some statistics say that twenty percent of people meet their spouses at work. So, even if that number is a little off, the number of couples dating at work is nowhere near zero if more than a handful eventually get married.

It makes sense. After college, the office is a logical place to meet people with whom you might have something in common. And if you are in a high-pressure field where work is your life, your scope of other opportunities certainly narrows. Our clients, especially those who have lots of young people employed, usually have an office romance or two.

What are some of the downsides of having an office romance?

Even when the romance is going well, you cannot necessarily get away from the office. You have to make an effort to talk about other things. Furthermore, if the existence of your romance is publicly known, you will probably be the topic of some conversation (e.g. aren’t they just the cutest!), even if you don’t really want to be.

If and when the romance dissolves, when you date someone in the office you still see him or her maybe more than you would like. You might have to work on a project together long after the passion has dissolved. And again, if you thought people talked about your relationship while you were dating, wait until they find out the two of you have split up.

Are there any benefits of dating someone from the office?

The great benefit of dating someone from the office is that your significant other will know what you are talking about when the subject of work comes up. You can skip a lot of the background details that you may of otherwise included in your answer to the “how was your day dear” question. Going out during the week is also easier because you are already geographically convenient. After a ten or twelve hour day, there is much to be said about convenience.

If your company has a relationship disclosure policy, how soon should the couple inform human resources?

Every situation is a little different. If you go out for drinks, must you then run to HR? If you had one date and an unfortunate hook up that you don’t plan to repeat, would you go to HR? If your priest doesn’t work in HR, think before you start confessing what you may wish you had not. If you do decide to inform HR, the “you” must be the plural you. In other words, you need to agree ahead of time about what you are going to communicate, when, etc.

Is it best to try and hide your romance from the company and your coworkers, or should you let people know you are dating?

Since you are not in seventh grade, there probably isn’t an appropriate strictly workplace conversation that includes, “by the way we’re dating.” Can you just imagine saying, “Tom just sent me the project reports. Did I tell you that we went out dancing all night last Saturday?” But as we all know, non-work related discussions occur at work all the time. The point is, you don’t have to be the initiator. When you are dating at the office, you must manage your public relations or they will manage you. And no matter how hard you try, eventually people will probably guess. You need a plan, and most importantly, the two of you need to decide a course of action before the “are you two a couple or what” question comes up.

What should you do when coworkers ask how your relationship is going?

Even if you are public about your relationship, you want to be short on the details. You cannot possibly benefit by spilling your guts to your coworkers. Dating drama at work does not equal respect or promotion. A great answer that says nothing is “Tom’s fine. He’s been doing a lot of running on the weekends. I think he might enter the marathon.” You may want to kill Tom, but keep your mouth shut. Say something nice about Tom while you are at it that has nothing to do with your relationship. This technique will keep you from appearing to change the subject.

If your office romance ends with a breakup, what are the best ways to handle this situation?

The operative word is office. You are at work. Focus on work. Resist the urge to comment negatively on the other person. If someone asks you what happened, say “Tom and I decided that we would like to keep our relationship strictly professional at this point.” If the other party has the nerve to ask why, say “The reasons would simply bore you. The result is all that matters. We are no longer seeing each other outside of the office.” Chances are your “friend” will get the hint.

Do a good job of managing your public relations when you were hot and heavy with your office sweetie, and dealing with the office dating breakup will be much easier. Remember, if you were not providing steak-size gossip, the gossip hounds won’t be that interested when you split up.

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