My First Lesbian Relationship

Are you needing some guidance after your first lesbian relationship? Let the answer to this reader from our dating coach help you as well.

My First Lesbian Relationship Advice

Reader Question

Hi! I am scared because up until around three months go I have never liked anyone the same sex until my friend of which I have known for seven years turned around and told me she was bisexual. I ended up seeing her for two months. We were both confused and when we went out, we would kiss other people. Although I got jealous, I allowed it, as did she. I ended up sleeping with this girl and she was my first female experience. I instantly fell for her and still think I am in love with her. I do not know if this is due to her being my first experience, or if I had so much fun that I emotionally connected with her. She eventually stopped the relationship saying she was confused and didn’t want to hurt me. The day after she told me, she regretted her decision. I have kissed both boys and girls recently and have not had any feelings with them. I have no idea what I sexually desire in my life apart from her ... how do I win her back or decide where to go from here? Help please!

-- Contributed by: ald

Expert Reply

Dear ald,

I think loving someone is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. We tend to remember our "firsts," our first kiss, our first love, our first sexual experience. The fact that your girlfriend was also your first same-sex relationship means that she is likely to remain in your memory forever, regardless of whether the relationship continues or ends. Given that you are in love, it is unlikely that another person, same-sex or otherwise, is going to capture your attention until you get over the current relationship.

This means that you are not going to have feelings for anyone else as long as your heart remains loyal to your girlfriend. You connected with your same-sex friend because she was your friend first and you trusted her. Therefore, when she told you that she was bisexual, you opened your heart to the possibility of having an intimate relationship with her. It is likely that you are the type of person who needs to be friends with a person BEFORE you can be intimate. In other words, you can’t go around kissing strangers or people you hardly know and expect to "feel" something.

As for wining her back, I would suggest that you talk with her and tell her how you feel. Try to understand what her fears are about the two of you being in a relationship are. Let her know that there are no guarantees when it comes to love. Getting hurt is part of the risk of being willing to love another person and it is a risk you are ready to take.

~~Lori