Money and Dating

From LoveToKnow Dating

Do you have concerns about money and dating? Is your partner trying to take advantage of you? Read on for some advice from our dating coach.

Sex, Money and Dating

Reader Question

Hello Lori, I met and started dating this guy a week ago. We were so overwhelmed with passion that we went physical. The problem now is trust; I didn’t get to trust him. He keeps complaining about money, that he does have. Is he not after my money?

~~Annie

Expert Reply

Dear Annie,

Any time you are physically intimate with a guy before trust has been established, you’re likely to find yourself second guessing the motives of your partner. Is he being genuine or is he trying to take advantage of me? This second guessing can ruin a relationship in minutes. Rather than second guess, I would recommend asking your partner questions to help clarify any behavior you have concerns about.

You say that your guy is complaining about money concerns and he has money. You wonder if he is after your money. If he has money and he is complaining, he just may be the kind of guy who is very frugal. Meaning, he may have money to spend, but don’t expect him to be generous with it. In turn, his complaining could just mean that his personality type is that of a pessimist. Meaning, he may just be the kind of guy who sees the glass as half empty.

If on the other hand, if you meant that he doesn’t have money; his complaining could very well mean that he is playing on your emotions and hoping that his hints will get you to contribute to his personal fund. Also, his complaining could just mean that he has poor conversation skills and doesn’t realize that continuous complaining on a date is a turn off. Only time will tell for sure what talking about money issues means to him.

In the meantime, when he starts complaining respond by empathizing with his woes, you might say something like, “that’s too bad” or “sounds like you’re having a tough time” and then change the topic. Should he not get the hint that you’re not going to engage in the financial topic any further, you could ask him about his behavior. You might say something like, “I am not sure why you are telling me about your finances, so I don’t know how you want me to respond?” His response should let you know whether he is just a complainer, has poor conversation skills, or he’s after your money. This information will also help you to decide if this is the kind of guy you want to continue seeing.

~~Lori

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