Meaningless Sex

From LoveToKnow Dating

Did you have meaningless sex? Should you tell your current partner? Let our dating coach give you some advice.

Meaningless Sex and Cheating

Reader Question

I have been dating someone for a while. Recently I had sex with someone else. I don’t intend to leave my boyfriend and I’ve never cheated before. Because it doesn’t mean anything to me and I don’t plan to do it again, should I tell him or should I not risk losing our whole life together over something that didn’t mean a whole lot to me?

-- Contributed by: Donna

Expert Reply

Dear Donna,

A relationship meant to last a lifetime needs to be built on honesty and trust. This means that a relationship built on dishonesty, lying and unfaithfulness does not stand a chance in lasting a lifetime. Your question starts with disclosing that you engaged in meaningless sex with a person other than your partner. You wonder, since it was meaningless for you if you should confess to your boyfriend. While you may have had meaningless sex, I don’t think your boyfriend would feel the same way. I think he would find such behavior, hurtful, distrusting and having little respect for his feelings as well as his health.

The fact that you don’t plan to engage in meaningless sex again doesn’t minimize the consequences of your actions. I doubt that you planned to be unfaithful the first time. Being in a life long relationship takes maturity, your actions show you are not there yet. Acting impulsively is the behavior of children. Maturity takes being accountable for your behavior. If you’re mature you will tell your boyfriend of your indiscretion. If you’re still a child, chances are you will work on not being accountable for your actions. While taking responsibility for your actions (no matter how embarrassing or painful that may be is) won’t be easy; doing so demonstrates a growing maturity. It will also give your relationship a chance to grow on honesty and trust. The things lasting romances are built on.

~~Lori

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Comments

While Lori's advice is cute and certainly sounds reasonable (lasting romance being built on honesty and trust blah blah blah), the reality is, if you want to break up with your boyfriend, you will tell him.

If you tell him, one of two things will happen. He will either break it off with you immediately, or he will stay with you but you will never live down what you did because he will constantly remind you, which will make your life miserable and you'll break up with him.

You cannot make a decision like this without all the facts. Well, the above are facts. And while it sounds good to live by principle, living by principle certainly does not take into account human nature and the undeniable facts of what WILL occur if you do so.

I've been there. My therapist said the same thing and he's been practicing for 25 years. Keep your mouth shut if you want to keep the relationship. If you want to break up, tell him everything.

-- Contributed by: Amanda

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