Married Dating

Reasons For Married Dating

Are you currently involved in an extra marital affair, or in the process of actively seeking one? The key to untangling this potential nasty web of lies and deceit is to ask: why? Generally speaking, people who cheat, or want to cheat on their spouses, find that it comes down to two things: the physical and the emotional. Fantasizing about cheating, and actually cheating, are usually born out of allowing these two instinctual needs to go unmet. Let's see how that happens and then we’ll take a look at how to fix it.

Physical Needs

• You no longer find your partner attractive and sexy, or they don’t feel this way about you.

Bear in mind that the physical is just one element in what makes you attractive. And while being physically attractive is nice, having a high sense of self-esteem, however, rounds out the physical package, and truly makes you attractive.

Great self-esteem can be achieved in many ways. Here are a few:

• Take pride in your appearance.

• If your self-talk tends to be negative, change it to a more positive one.

For example, “I am a great husband and I do many things to help around the house”, or “I am so lucky to be blessed with both intelligence and a great sense of humor”. Changing your negative self-talk to a more positive one will, in time, evolve into a greater sense of self. That’s always attractive.

• Take pride in your abilities.

This should extend to all the areas in your life. If you can run a mile in fifteen minutes, then give yourself a big pat on the back. Not many can. Similarly, if your supervisor compliments you on an idea you pitched at a company meeting, revel in that compliment.

Self-esteem encompasses all the areas of your life, and physical appearance is just one slice of that feel-good pie.

Equally important is the psychological component of why you let yourself go. Is it because you blame your spouse for the two of you having children so soon? Is it because you have to work a seventy-hour work week? Discovering the underlying psychological components of the "letting go" of your looks and health will help you make tremendous strides in reversing the process.

• You’ve stopped having sex often.

It’s true that finding time to indulge in a little afternoon tryst is extremely hard. And with bills to pay, children to feed, and in laws to call, it can feel downright impossible.

Fix it by investing in a little time management. Pay your bills on a rotating schedule and setup automatic payments. Call your in-laws only on Sundays. Try doing laundry while chatting with your in-laws since this will kill two birds with one stone. Become creative with your time management and you’ll have time left over to be with your spouse. Having a healthy physical appetite for your spouse is a necessary component for a healthy marriage. Incorporating some of these steps will help to send any thoughts of married dating right out the window.

• Be available for sex.

No matter how much time you free up with time management, it’s going to be impossible to actually have sex if you or your partner are unavailable. Occasional business trips are to be expected, but visiting Calcutta six months out of the year to train customer service representatives is another matter entirely. Prioritizing your time is important and your marriage should always come first. Remember, your marriage, at least in the beginning, was the corner stone and foundation for all your other endeavors, so it behooves you to make time with your spouse count.

• Remember that saying, variety is the spice of life?

Well, they weren’t just talking about food or trips around the world; they were also talking about sex. Getting some free love games, playing tantric twister, and reading passionate love poems to one another, are all things you can do to ramp up your sex life.

• Have sex often.

Muscle memory is key at the gym, and by golly those are some smart muscles because they don’t let you down in the bedroom, either. The more sex you have, the more pleasure you’ll feel. The more you and your spouse nurture that sexual connection, the closer you’ll feel.

Emotional Needs

• Everyone needs to feel accepted, desired and wanted. This includes your partner. The garbage bag sitting in the kitchen doesn’t walk itself out to the trash by itself, does it? No, it doesn’t. So, show your appreciation by taking the time to praise and compliment your partner when they do a thoughtful act like taking out the garbage without being asked.

• Participate in activities together. This keeps your emotional connection strong. Take time to figure out what you and your partner both enjoy, and then hop to it. Whether its rock climbing, a morning jog, or walks in the park, new activities will help you form strong connections. This ultimately feeds into the emotional bond you have for one another.

• Is something missing? Perhaps you acutely feel the lack of romance, or you feel unsupported in your daily life. If something is missing, discuss it. Try doing this in a non-judgmental way by just stating what you need. Also listen to what your partner needs, and then try to achieve it. Nobody can fix what they don’t know is broken, so help your partner understand by talking to him or her.

For More Help

Try these sites for some more insight, tips and tools on how to make your marriage work.

• The Dr. Phil Website
• Oprah
• John Gray’s Men Are From Mars Women Are Venus Website

A Final Word

Close your eyes and think about the first time you saw or interacted with your spouse or partner. Remember that euphoric feeling from knowing he/she is the one? Well, they still are. Research, read, investigate and kick and scream until both of you feel that way again. This is the person you love, the person you wanted to build a life with. Don’t throw it away because of immature thoughts, like, she doesn’t understand me, we’ve grown apart, or I need more excitement. You know the saying, if you want love, be love? Try it. It works.